Tuesday Thoughts | 06 February 2024 | My Thoughts are Complimentary

A number of years ago I was debriefing with a former colleague who had kindly provided me with a job reference, when they proudly declared “I told them you were dogged”. That thud you just heard is the more than 1.5-decade-old echo of what was meant as a compliment, landing like a lead balloon.

Its possible that I actually shouted, “you said what?” instead of calmly responding in the way I’d like to tell myself I did, but you’d really have to ask Richard Joy , since he was the one on the other end of the phone line that day.

Predictably, what I saw as actually quite insulting in my 20s, is something I take as a compliment in my 40s; I don’t back down, I don’t give up, and once I’ve got an end goal in mind I may as well have blinders on for how likely you are to knock me off course – except with an exceptionally compelling rebuttal.

You see dear reader – today is Pay a Compliment Day – and the reality is that sometimes paying someone a compliment, isn’t about giving them the instant warm and fuzzies, its about holding a mirror up to something they might not know about themselves, or something they might not know is a positive attribute they hold.

Just last week I had occasion to introduce Colleen McCourt (who I insta-bonded with the first time we ever sat next to each other, at what turned out to be a painful (and painfully expensive) day of strategy, in the midst of a snow storm) and Tami Adams Founder, Speaker Manager (who I instantly connected with the first time we jumped onto a zoom call in the midst of the lock downs).

Both Tami and Colleen are, significantly more bubbly than I am (especially if I haven’t yet had a chance to get to know you); and both have been on the receiving end of the sort of unsolicited advice that many readers of #TuesdayThoughts might only be getting when they choose to invite me in (by opening up an issue of this newsletter to read).

I am intensely interested in chipping away at the fa?ade and helping people find purpose and peace, and I approach this often with A LOT of questions. So, it came as a surprise to me when I quickly overheard them agreeing that I was a calming influence – you mean reassuring right? Although, I suppose that most of the time I’m like a duck on the water, the real frenzy (which is decidedly not calming) is below the surface where you won’t see it unless I choose to show it to you.

Some of the greatest compliments are when people see the thing that you are desperately trying to be and give you some indication that you actually are showing up in alignment with the energy you are consciously trying to bring into a space.

What’s the recipe for a good compliment?

It needs to be genuine, if you are BSing someone they are going to sense it, and even if you genuinely feel connected to the person – just not because of the reasons you are articulating – its going to have the opposite effect of what you intend.

It needs to be somewhat specific. There is nothing worse than broad sweeping language that actually means very little. We all know that person who can talk for hours and say little to nothing of any interest or note. Avoid being ‘that guy/gal/human’ when trying to shout someone out.

Its best if its something that you’ve noticed by paying close attention. Telling someone they are nice, is nice enough, but taking note of the kindness someone shows to children, or dogs, or old people, or really anyone who can’t do anything for them in return, is a compliment of the highest order.

Because we’re also into week one of Black History Month, a note on what doesn’t make a good compliment (under any circumstances) – micro aggressions couched in back-handed compliments.

A special shout out to anyone who has ever told me ‘you don’t look like your name’, I’m not sure why this would be a compliment, nor why you’d think its ok to say it, but its happened often enough. I’m aware enough to know that when people meet me, I’m not the petite-blond-French-girl you thought I would be when you heard my name was ‘Danielle Russell’; I don’t need you to remind me.

Or, as one commentor seemed to think was appropriate in a comment on a post that CSAE made highlighting me as a featured member – referring to me as ‘young lady’ – I managed to keep my cool in the moment but the urge to encourage the commentator eff-off was real.

Want to tell me “you don’t look a day over 30”? I’ll take it as I barrel through my early 40s towards another birthday, but words matter, when attempting (operative word attempting) to pay someone a compliment, try harder.

This week’s call to action is simple, let’s celebrate Pay a Compliment Day by paying genuine compliments, to people who we observe doing something specific (but often quite small) that we find to be noteworthy - allow thier small actions to fuel potential big impacts.

New and Noteworthy is a collection of things readers of #TuesdayThoughts might find interesting, important, or informative;

??Other Stuff I Did This Week (shameless self promotion): Last friday I marked Month 1 as Executive Director of Canadian Defence Lawyers

???Hold These Dates: Tuesday, 26 March 2024 - Speaker Slam on the topic of Human Connection

?? What to Do: Nominate a Wilfrid Laurier University Golden Hawk Alumni for an Award of Excellence h/t Ryan Smith | 10 Survival Tips for Introverted Leaders from Introvert Dear h/t Ray Morris

?? What to Read: My Black History Month Blog - The Black History Month Project - which I wrote every day of February 2012 | OPINION: People in Israel don't want war: There could be peace tomorrow if Hamas returned the 139 hostages and laid down their arms from Chad Rogers in The Sun | Being Fat at Work: A Start to Size-Inclusivity by Kathryn Torangeau h/t Michael DiBernardo

?? What to Watch: Aseel Elbaba, PFP, RP(Qualifying) owning the Speaker Slam stage with her first place speech I'm Born to Speak | Sarah McVanel, MSc, CSP, PCC, CHRL, CSODP 's tour of her Greatness Restored Barn | A Behind-the-Scenes look at Speaker Slam from Rania Walker

?? What to Listen To: Mary Abdel-Malek Neil 's new podcast - Screaming into the Mic | The CharityVillage Connects podcast episode featuring Jason Shim

??Take Note: Did you see Tami Adams Founder, Speaker Manager 's profile in Ignite Magazine 's 'Rise and Shine' last week

CALL FOR CONTENT: I crowd source 99% of what appears in New and Noteworthy, but I would love the help of the Tuesday Thoughts Community to identify content about you and for you. Got a cool new project? A Job Posting to Fill? Or just something you found interesting? DM me with a link.

?? I’m on a Mission to?Change The World, By Inspiring Actions That Amplify My Impact! Despite my Introverted tendencies, if I have any hope of success this cannot be a solo affair. Join my community where I Connect People and Ideas;

?? Tuesday Thoughts: Join the #TuesdayThoughts community, subscribe to the Newsletter and get your copy of the #TuesdayThoughtsBook, The Tuesday Thoughts Companion: A Year of Small Actions for Big Impact. Like, Comment and Share to keep the conversation going, and amplify the thoughts that inspire you to action.

?? Let’s Be Friends: LinkedIn: Danielle S. Russell, CAE (she/her) | Instagram: @danielle.s.russell

I am a Certified Association Executive with over a dozen years of experience in leadership positions across Canada’s Not-for-Profit Sector, with deep ties in the Meetings and Events Industry. I use the art of storytelling in speech and writing to explain ideas, and to inform audiences and readers on a variety of topics. Learn more about how we can collaborate;

?? Consulting Services: I offer a suite of consulting services for Associations and Charities, and am interested in working with likeminded organizations on projects that contribute to better governance, leadership and the overall growth and health of Canada’s Association and Not-for-Profit Industries.

??? Speaker/Facilitator: I have spoken to standing room only crowds in the Association and Events sectors, connecting ideas and people; topics include, The Introvert Experience, Imposter Syndrome and Mentorship, EDI: Lived Experience as a BIPOC Woman in Leadership, Minimalism and Essentialism, Finding Your Voice and Building Your Unique Brand, Making and Impact, and the #TuesdayThoughtsFormula.

??? Contributing Writer: I have written for Industry Publications and Blogs with a focus on the role of Associations, Volunteerism, and the Intersection of Not-for-Profit Management and many current social and economic trends. My inclination towards storytelling lends itself well to the style of Creative Non-Fiction.

?? The Tuesday Thoughts Formula: I am on a mission to inspire actions that amplify my impact, each week I follow the #TuesdayThoughtsForumla to deliver a call to action inspired by relevant stories; new this year, I’m bringing live demonstrations of the formula to the stage to help conference, event and meeting attendees tell their own stories that amplify their ROI of in-person attendance.

?? Check out my website daniellerussell.ca or email me: [email protected]