Tuesday Thoughts | 06 December 2022 | A Year in Review – Reverse Bucket List

When we give feedback to others the golden rule (well, not THAT golden rule, although it is important as well) is to never just dive right into the negative, nor to end on a negative note whenever possible. It’s the “Oreo Cookie” that is often taught to highschoolers when they are first put in charge of other teenagers; you say something good, then you provide the constructive feedback, and then to say something else good so that the person can HEAR the challenging thought, without walking away FEELING badly about themselves.

Here's the rub, we so rarely extend ourselves the same grace and courtesy. This weekend I took part in the Chartered Director program Module 5 through the Directors College; and as truly generous and thoughtful as my colleagues were with their feedback, I have struggled to not beat myself up about the one interaction I wish I had handled better. And, as I look back at the year that was, I am consciously having to pull myself away from focusing on what didn’t get done, to celebrate what did get done.

The last 4-6 weeks of each Calendar year tend to be the most reflective; its when we assess the success of last year’s plans, and then lay the groundwork for next year’s accomplishments and direction. Each year I engage in a week’s long planning exercise as I try to figure out what it is that I want next year to be about, I look at my long-term goals and plans (mine are actually in need of a refresh), I look at what I’ve already committed to, or what I’ve already put in motion, how my interests have shifted or expanded, and any other events of the past year(s) that are forcing an item onto my long-term agenda. More on this process as we move through December.

Inevitably, my instinct is to review my resolutions list first with an eye to – what didn’t get done. Where in my best laid plans did I simply not do something (either by choice or circumstance) that resulting in a box left unchecked as we finish out the year?

The problem with this approach is of course that it completely lacks context, most years I have a pretty good pass/fail rate on my resolutions and goals, and when I don’t its because something has happened that is way beyond my control (like spending 6 weeks at a parent’s bedside in a foreign country). Its also of critical importance in the planning stages to determine what is ACTUALLY IMPORTANT, so that you can assess your successes in order of critical importance.

This is where two concepts I have learned over the last many years become particularly useful.

The first is the reverse bucket list, the act of starting not with all the cool things you want to do, but by listing all of the great and cool, and once-in-a-lifetime things you have already done. My list includes things like see Machu Picchu (check), become an Executive Director (check), Conquer my Fear of the Water (check); and this year I’ll get to add things like Teach a College Course (check), Get Paid to Give a Speech (check), Visit Every Province and Territory (partial check as I cross Nova Scotia off the list).

The second came from a conversation I had a couple of years ago with Sandra Kabat who was relaying a concept her Husband had shared with her, and which is very much also in the vein of approaching our assessments of our lives with a contextual lens coloured with self-grace. It’s the idea that if we take any single year as a stand alone, it could be very good, but it can also be quite challenging; but if instead we look at all we have accomplished over the last decade it will paint a much rosier picture as we pull away to 10,000 feet. Ironically, I believe we had this conversation about not taking 2019 as a stand alone but looking at the ‘10s as a whole, if only we knew what was to come next…

So this year as I start to deep dive into planning for 2023, which starts with my assessment of 2022, I am working to give myself the grace of not only looking for what I need to do next year, because I didn’t do it this year, but, first focusing on what I did do this year that I don’t need to worry about in 2023 and can instead build upon.

My Call to Action This Week: As you start (or continue) your planning for 2023, start first with your successes, the things you are proud of, the foundation you have laid that you can now build upon. Its not that you don’t have to face your failures, but you should show yourself the grace to take it all with a grain of salt.

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In the spirit of giving myself some grace, you may have noticed that this week’s #TuesdayThoughts does not include a link to this week’s YouTube Video on my Channel the One Woman Island; that’s because there is no video this week, I have some great stuff coming, but I just hit a wall of work this week and something had to give. Meanwhile, the video from 2 weeks ago is picking up steam (pun intended – IYKYK) please give it some love.

New and Noteworthy?is a collection of things readers of?#TuesdayThoughts?might find interesting, important, or informative;

??What to Watch:?A great tip from Stuart Knight on how to frame our approach to our work

??What to Read:?Allison Graham's new Newsletter The Stress Illusion (do the subscribe thing too) | Growth Requires Unlearning as Much as Learning from Psychology Today h/t Shain Mergulhao | Gift Guide: 12 amazing gift ideas for your nonprofit staff or grantees! from NonProfitAF.com h/t Janine Manning | It’s time for charities to act more charitable and spend more of their endowment funds from the Toronto Star | AFP Canada Responds to MoneySense’s Best Charities to Donate to in 2022 | How to Focus on What's Important, Not Just What's Urgent from Harvard Business Review h/t Jacqui d'Eon

????What to Do:?Apply for Destination Direct in Ottawa February 6-7, 2023 h/t Bettyanne Sherrer | Apply to be a Guest on Cindy Wagman's Podcast the small nonprofit

????♀?Cool Jobs (Paid and Volunteer):?Senior Manager of Education @ Canadian Franchise Association h/t Jack Shand

??Take Note: the EVENT 2023 announcement - May 11-13 at the Hilton Lac-Leamy

??I am a Certified Association Executive with nearly over a dozen years of experience in leadership positions in Canada's Not-for-Profit Sector; as a College Professor, occasional Speaker, and contributor to blogs, newsletters, and media, I am skilled at using the art of storytelling to explain my ideas and inform audiences and readers on a variety of topics.

??♀?I am also a Certified Organizational Specialist and Practical Minimalist, who happens to have an unhealthy love for Excel Spreadsheets. I don't do this work often, but I am always happy to give a bit of advice if you are struggling.

??Did you know I also paint and draw? I am passionate about the benefits of Adult Colouring, and can create custom colouring sheets for speech and workshop audiences, by request.

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LinkedIn?Danielle S. Russell, CAE (she/her)?| Instagram ???@danielle.s.russell?| Twitter?@dani__russell?|?YouTube???One Woman Island