Tuesday Tales: The Gap Between Stimulus and Response

Years ago I was furious, got carried away and yelled over the phone at a colleague about a routine report that was wrong yet again. I worked myself up into a froth over the embarrassment the report caused my boss, who made use of the figures in the report during a presentation to the Board. Of course, I was on the receiving end of my boss' fury, which I naturally transferred to my colleague, heavily!

All of a sudden, I was able to step out from all the rage. It was almost like one of those alledged out-of-the-body experiences in which the soul is said to rise up to the ceiling and look back down at the scene from above. Through this new perspective, I was able to see my anger for what it was, a blind rage and misdirected fury!. From this vantage point, I was able to extend compassion and empathy to my colleague who had dedicated four days straight, including weekends to meet the deadline and ensure Board's expectations were met.

In a surprising shift, I changed my approach, apologized genuinely and we moved on to a space of constructive and collaborative problem solving.

With that action, I bridged the gap between stimulus and response. We all have the capacity and freedom to choose our responses independent of the impact of the present situation. It is the ability to choose how we behave based on our values rather than indulging in what our thoughts, emotions and stories are insisting that we do.?

Lessons and Takeaways:

• Stay Aware: Remember to be present and notice how you're feeling. Exercise presence of mind per time.?
• Pause and Reflect: When confronted with triggers, before reacting, pause for a moment. Use this time to reflect about how you want to respond.
• Shift Perspctive: Imagine yourself as an observer, witnessing the situation from an external viewpoint. This helps you understand your emotions better.
• Show Compassion and Empathy: Extend empathy not only to yourself but also to others involved. Understand the context of their actions. Show compassion even in moments of tension.
• Choose Values over Impulses: Instead of reacting quickly, choose what to do based on your values and long-term goals
• Apologize and Connect: If things go wrong, make amends and apologize sincerely. This step paves the way for open communication and collaborative problem-solving.
• Talk It Out: Have conversations that help solve problems. Work together to find answers.
• Mind the Gap: Always mind the gap between stimulus and response. The more you exercise this skill, the more natural it becomes.
• Learn from Experience: After a situation, think about how you acted. Learn from it and do better next time.
• Be Patient with Yourself: It takes time to get good at this. Don't rush; you'll improve as you go.

In all our interactions with people, at work or home, we can step away from our default reactions and learn how to use that space between stimulus and response. We can make choices that show who we truly are and this will help our relationships grow stronger and bring more understanding into our lives.

Stay Lifted

Stay Positive

Stay Inspired!

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