Trying To Be "THAT GIRL"

I had a conversation with a high level female in sports last week who is also in a watershed moment in her life. We were talking about our accomplishments as of late, but also sharing similar worries and concerns about things we see. It's a relief to see acknowledgement within someone else, know that your general perceptions about certain topics are validated and understood, especially in moments when you aren't sure your gut is right. When you have a tendency to feel deeply and not necessarily know if someone else is feeling the same exact way.

One of those topics was this pressure to be THAT GIRL. That girl with the manicured digital content. That girl who's got a constant, witty Twitter stream. That girl who has flawless TikTok transitions. That girl who's images on Instagram look professionally touched up. I have a new business to focus on; I have to figure out HR, payroll, business taxes, administrative organization, new client proposals, general infrastructure while also completing the tasks clients are paying me to do. Said friend is switching from running a professional sports team to figuring out her next move, while still making sure that team stays afloat in her impending absence. For both of us, we also have people relying on our success for their employment. Failure affects more than us alone.

I don't remember who brought up the topic first but one of us mentioned Twitter. "How are people who are on Twitter all day getting any work done? Unless it's someone's role to be present on social media constantly, how is there time to do both well?" We didn't have the answer to that but she and I concluded that we couldn't imagine there was time to do both well. See, when I am on my social media, I notice the time consumption it takes to tweak, edit, build, etc. your content. This is a big reason why I have personally managed and controlled the social media accounts of many professional athletes because they don't have the time to do it themselves around their sport play. They and I understand this when it comes time to talk about co-management as an option. So, why is it that we, as normal everyday working people, put that same pressure on ourselves to keep-up-with-the-Joneses. As her and I dove deeper into this idea we came to the same conclusion; both cannot be done well and we have to accept we will most likely never be THAT GIRL if our lives were being led by other aspirations.

I opened my Good Trade newsletter this morning and the linked article was this: The Trouble With Trying To Become "That Girl". It was like the universe knew I needed to read more on the topic (... and Emily Torres' article is direct inspiration for this title and theme). While her subject matter focuses more on the trend of the girl with manicured-mess making self-care look effortless, many themes reigned true in comparison to the conversation I had last week and the conversation I often have internally with myself. Especially the following quote:

To put it simply, becoming that girl looks like it’s about feeling content, but it’s actually about making content.

Here here.

If social media feels pressured, or stressed, why are we doing it? Or rather, why are we doing it in a way that brings about that pressure and stress, instead of just being our authentic self? Why can't we accept a less tedious method for what it may be, mess and all?

I want to reiterate that being THAT GIRL is fine. There are creators I adore to follow, that inspire me, that bring me joy. But I hope those creators have chosen to spend that amount of time on content because they want to, not because they feel like they have to. What I want someone reading this to understand is that you have the choice to show up how you want to show up. That comparison is the thief of joy.

The irony in all of this, is I also understand the pressure of a perfect picture. Or a carefully worded caption. I teach people how to do this. I recommend clients pay a little more attention to their public persona (but remember... my clients have chosen to be in the public eye). But I also ask clients what motivates them. What they think they can accomplish. What they want and not what they think they should be doing. When social media feels like a chore it will start to be thought of and come off as a chore. It won't manifest well and it will be frustrating.

There is a part in the Good Trade article I am going to paraphrase, but it's extremely important to understand: When we start assigning moral weight to things we see other people doing and perceived as "good", our attention shifts from knowing what is good for us towards thinking that someone else on the internet knows better. And when we aspire to be the same but can't accomplish the same outcome, we perceive it as a failure and turn every missed opportunity into defeat.

I feel that. Don't you?

When I quit my job as the VP of a multi-sport agency in October 2021, I was making the most money in our household. My salary was important to not just myself, but my family. I cannot allow my business to fail. I also don't want it to fail; to the dreams I have, this new start is everything to me. Social media perfection will take away from my time doing something else. Do I have that time to waste? No. No I don't. And that is completely ok.

I walked away from my conversation with my friend feeling understood. I walked away from this article feeling taught a lesson, a valuable lesson that I knew but I ignored. One that Emily sums up at the end of the article:

Listen, if you are that girl and it’s working for you, I am proud of you. Keep going. But if you aren’t that girl, I’m proud of you, too. We all need to practice a little more “good for her, and good for me too” in our lives, and this is no exception.

And this:

I don’t have to worry about how the lighting looks on camera, only the light I view myself in.

And most importantly, this:

Being our true and best selves doesn’t need to be documented to be real.