Trying and Failing = Good Job
You have a calling. There's a special niche that you are uniquely designed to fill with your skills, your message, your personality, your essence.
Does that mean that success will fall perfectly into your lap?
Sometimes. But sometimes not.
As much as I love optimism and positive thinking, the truth is that I've gone through many things that didn't work out--and that failure did not necessarily have *anything* to do with my attitude.
Failure is part of life.
Success is not guaranteed....even if you feel a calling.
But even with the risk of failure, especially on your first try, there's beauty in having the courage to attempt it ANYWAY.
Leaders take the risk to do difficult things.
Now I'm not knocking easy wins. Sometimes I love an easy win.
This means I set little goals I know I can easily hit like writing about something for 2 minutes. Hitting that goal can make me feel excited to do more and, thus, build momentum.?
But sometimes my heart pulls me forward to something bigger, something GREAT. Something big and hard to reach. So hard to reach it scares me.
You know when it is inside you.?
If you don't know, then maybe you don't feel it, yet, or you can't put it into words. Your?journey right now may be to clarify what you are here to do.
But when you KNOW, and you know it's BIG, that can be daunting and scary.
I see you. I get it. And before I say anything more, let me just acknowledge that you are right.
You are right to be scared.?
Because there IS a risk that you will never be able to do what you hope to do.
The question is, if that's true, than is it still worth doing? Is it still worth trying?
Don't let your mind answer these questions. Ask your heart.?
Let your vision, your passion, your love, your self-respect and your desire to be of service feed you instead of needing a guarantee that you will be successful.?
And if your mind is telling you,
"No, actually, Sofia, I am guaranteed to succeed."
"I've got a great coach. They have a foolproof system."
"I am born to be successful. My system is going to work."
Fine--I won't argue with you...except, wait, I will.
BEFORE you are successful, you will probably fail at some point.
The biggest BS scam in the world is any person who promises that you that success is 100% guaranteed with zero risk, as long as you pay them a bunch of money.
That is BS. There is no such thing.
It's at best a mitigated risk. Maybe another person can help you reduce the risk, but there is always a risk.
Remember COVID? How that came out of nowhere?
There is so much that we as individuals cannot control.
When I coach people in writing, even though I believe in my abilities, I don't give 100% success guarantees.
Why? It's not because I doubt my abilities after 10 years of experience. It's because writing and coaching work with me is a collaborative process. It's part me, part my client, part something beyond the two of us.
And these factors cannot be fully controlled.
And it's more complicated than success versus failure.
Fear of failure breaks down as you engage in the process of pursuing your calling. It morphs and changes, even if edges of fear are still there.
I notice this in the clients I serve as a writing teacher, coach and editor.
My best clients are open minded, and love to learn about who they are through the process of writing.
The goals and definition of success my clients have shift as time goes on.
Failure becomes opportunity. Curiosity pokes each "failure" as it occurs, smoothing it, exploring alternatives.
Through writing, discussion and thoughtful questions, week by week they gain appreciation for what they have inside, and what they have to offer other people.
Although their calling can be terrifying at first, the process of writing and sharing in a safe space releases the sense of danger that failure provokes.
When my clients write and share with me, they explore and discover something even more important than success--that there is value in following their calling just for the sake of it.
Following their calling to write and be of service is the pathway to be a more open, expressed, and fulfilled version of themselves.
Even if they "fail" to finish writing a project (it takes longer than they originally thought it would), my clients tell me how happy they are.
How happy they are in reviewing their writing progress.
How glad they are to be engaged in the writing process.
How much they have grown, relaxed, felt free or gained confidence.
Just DOING it is reward enough.
They don't even see it as failing if it takes a little while to complete a project. Sometimes writing and creating just feels satisfying, even when it isn't complete.
Because the process of writing brings you closer to your soul, and that in itself is service to others.
When you see the beauty of just trying to follow your calling--then it doesn't matter that you risk failure.
It doesn't matter AS much that you are successful because you are simply glad that you are taking matters into your own hands to try.
The definition of success changes.
The old version of success is no longer essential.
The risk of failure is not so dangerous.
This is super wise because...
Risking failure is inevitable--
Yes, INEVITABLE, if you go after anything worth having:
- A raise
- A relationship
- A better career
- A change in the world
- A business doing something meaningful
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And the list goes on.
And I dearly wish, dear reader, this were not true, but it is. It's only by laying it all out on the table that you can really deal with your problems with clarity and knowledge.
Sometimes expecting the best can keep your mind at peace and avoid wasting time and energy. It's not necessarily helpful or wise to spend all day imagining bad situations that never come to be.
But my credit card history has felt the pain of believing in people who told me I'd definitely make all my money back if I bought their shiny program. And I wish I'd known that no one could guarantee me 100% success with zero risk before the interest started accumulating!
But maybe there are OTHER reasons to try beyond just trying to be successful.
Maybe following your calling is enough of a reason to try.
If you are like me, then you, too, have failed at something before.
Maybe you didn't even know what risks you were taking, you thought your success was assured.
And then you failed. It failed. It sucked. It was bad. Maybe even publicly bad. Or you saw that happen to someone else.
Thank you for being interesting. I like people with a little complexity.
And now a little part of you will forever be gunshy. A little bid timid. A little bit SMART, because you know more than anyone else that:
Sometimes dreams don't come true.
Sometimes people disappoint you.?
Sometimes proverbial doors slam in your face.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that happened. I'm sorry you lost your innocence. I'm sorry this is reality, and that you were born onto a weird and mysterious planet named Earth where stuff like this happens everyday.
I know what it's like to sort of wish you had been born elsewhere.?
Somewhere with soft, and gentle edges.?
Somewhere with a safety net that will catch and hug you if you ever stumble.
But here we are: planet Earth.
A place where you will have to make your own soft and gentle edges.
You will have to tap other people on the shoulder to help you make a safety net and give you hugs.
All this is truly possible, but maybe it means taking even more risks, of being wrong, being rejected, being let down.?
Sigh. UGH. I know!
But here's the thing:?
You have a CALLING to step up to a next level of leadership.
And that calling is YOURS. Yours alone.
It calls you to step UP into the role that you are HERE for--
writing a book,?
growing a business or?
impacting your network or world.
Just because you have the calling doesn't mean that it will be easy.
BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT.
I am pro trying and failing anyway. Just do it.
Failure is the risk you take by having the courage to try.?
And there will be some reward in the process, just try it and see.
You probably don't want to take that step.?
It'll cause chaos and struggle and people with opinions.
A part of you will grip on to the status quo like a fist around Pandora's box. Whatever is inside will push and push as you try to keep it shut so nothing seeps out.
"Don't let Pandora's box open!" your mind will say. "Don't let the chaos come out. There's too much risk of failure. Oh what will happen if I let go?"
The paradox is that holding the box closed on your purpose is the only way to ensure failure--and wasn't that the thing you were afraid of in the first place?
Just because you CONTROL the outcome and make that outcome failure does not mean you are any better off than if you tried and failed.
It sort of depends--run your own risk assessment--but know that never trying will ensure your failure 100% and that's just sort of sad.
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You can't wait until it is perfect to move forward.
You can't wait until you know everything.
You can't wait until a magical being jumps out of the sky and declares you the next King of England, ready for your mission,?at LAST,
Because--unless you are dissociating and telling yourself that failure is never, ever happens--
it will always be a little bit scary...until it's not.
Until you are proven right, until you've reached the other side. (Then something else will scare you but this thing will not.)
You have to leap anyway.
You have to be okay with knowing you may fail, and say, "YES."
YES, you will try anyway because trying is worth it.
So this is the journey: to embrace the fear and try anyway even though you know there is a very real possibility that you will fail.
The good thing about it: knowing you tried.
The other good thing about it: following your calling always has its own rewards even if they are not what you thought they would be.
Don't trust me, trust YOURSELF.
The first steps are always the worst.
You know you need to do it (because you have a calling), and it still is hard because you have no evidence you will successful.
For me, I hate being wrong, or trying something that fails.
I feel embarrassed and scared of being judged or ruined. I get mad at myself. "I should've known better," is what I always think.
So I have to make my own gentle edges and try to get into a better mindset.
A better mindset is: if I never tried, I would never learn to do it better.
And considering that I coach other people who are following their callings, I HAVE to do this. It's a matter of integrity for me to follow my own advice. So there's that.
I have also learned that NOT following my calling has historically resulted in very unpleasant scenarios.
Following my calling doesn't ever end, it just evolves so I know this fear that you grapple with like I know my right hand.
It still gives me anxiety. But I just know it's a part of the process at this point and it doesn't mean I give up.
Purpose has to come before pride. I have to stop thinking that FAILING equals being a FAILURE and just do something.
Because one step leads to another step.
And even when something doesn't work out in the short-term, I've learned that trying and failing can lead me to another opportunity. I could gain knowledge, skills, connections or other resources even by trying and failing.?
The goal my nonprofit partners set was $5000. Now we have raised $255.?It's been...about a month and the deadline is very soon. So it has not met the goal and I'm not sure they will be able to do the event.
But the $255 we raised last month still matters even though it's only 5% of the $5000 goal. That amount could really help a girl who cannot afford a uniform or school supplies. Without the uniform and supplies, that girl will have to stay home and possibly never learn to read.
One additional year of school for these girls means postponing child marriage to an older man in exchange for food and basic things needed to survive, Female Genital Mutilation (required for the marriage), and a resultant (and possibly deadly) adolescent pregnancy. Even if a girl just bumps a pregnancy from 12 to 14, she could stand a better chance of surviving.
I BELIEVE THAT IS WORTH FAILING FOR.
That's how what seemed like a "failure" can really be a success. The fundraiser is still open if you'd like to donate a few dollars.
AND in the process of me asking around to meet the fundraising goal, I found another opportunity.
For the new opportunity, I spent three weeks writing a grant application to try to get $130,000 to help over 100 girls in Sierra Leone. This may fail, but it's worth trying.
I worked on this grant application for roughly 20 hours pro-bono. I wrote about 20 pages of material. If I charged for the time, I would ask for $4440. It was a gift. ??
I do value my time but the cause was worth it.
If it fails, it was still worth it.
Why? It will be easier the next time the organization gets a funding opportunity. Next time, I'll take the grant application that I wrote, change it, and improve it.
The more times I have to do this, the better and better it will get. The better chance we have of helping these girls.
Writing is awesome because you can build on it.
Failed to write it the best way?
You can always edit and improve. Whatever you start with doesn't have to be the final version.
If you misspell a word on your website, just hit the edit button and fix it.?
If you send out an email with a typo, just fix it before you put it on your blog.?
If your book is outdated, then edit it and republish it as a second edition.
You will not die. You will survive and your work will continue to get better.?
Be thankful that you have a pen to cross things out, or a delete button to rewrite.
By the way, steps aren't linear.
Doing things that don't "make sense" can be productive.
One of the things I learned when I was ghostwriting books and copywriting for $10k marketing launches is that creativity is not a linear process.
I could bang my head against my keyboard for 8 hours to write the words I was paid for, but that was usually less productive than if I just went for a walk and took a bath first.
I wrote my most powerful writing by first doing things that didn't look like writing at all. I got way more done by learning how to get myself into a flow state this way, and, as a result, I was also a lot happier and more fulfilled.?
Inspiration and mental clarity are priceless resources. The way you find them may look different than it does for me.
Sometimes bandwidth has to be cleared by first doing other unrelated, grisly tasks--
your taxes,
cleaning up your bedroom,
burning that momento from your ex-husband in a firepit.?
None of that will look like progress to many people, but I get it. These nonlinear steps can be exactly what you need to make progress on your most important projects.
And seemingly random things are sometimes what your calling wants you to do in order to bring you closer to writing.
Your heart knows what you need to do next.
Whether it looks like sitting down to write with a cup of tea, or doing something that doesn't look like writing at all--all of that can be a step towards writing a book.
Now find what is next for you.
WRITING EXERCISE:
Think about your own goals and motivations. What is really important to you? What is calling you??
If you could get movement in this area within the next 90 days, what could that look like? How would it feel? What would you be doing??
Feel into it, explore it, and remember--just because this is your mission, doesn't mean you have to do it alone.
Stepping into your next level can be terrifying or confusing.
Growing and changing doesn't mean that you have to "get over" needing support, connection or renewal of inspiration.
Find clarity and support in the Summer Writing Group.
If you'd like to join a supportive space to make progress on writing for your book or business, so you can step into the next level of your leadership, the Summer Writing Group will be open for new members mid May 2023.?
Details are below.
New Leadership Interview Series
You may also like new Interview series on "Writing is Transformational Leadership."
The Summer Writing Group
The Summer Writing Group is a 6 month program June - November 2023.?
Tap into your inner genius so you can write for your book or business and step into your next level of leadership.??
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Want to write for a blog, posts, articles, your website, a salespage, emails, or a book?
The Theme for Summer is:??
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- Writing as Transformational Leadership,??
- connecting to the change you are here to make in the world +??
- using writing to pursue that goal in your book or business.??
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Contact me through my profile if you have any questions or want to discuss if this group will help you with your writing goals.
Spots are limited to under 10 people. The last 2 groups have sold out.
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This 6 month group coaching program includes:??
??- 10 LIVE BI-WEEKLY GROUP ZOOM CALLS??
Tailored to the group’s needs at this time, these 60-75 minute sessions dive into the change you are here to make in the world and you can move your calling forward through writing for a book, business and greater service.??
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7 Classes Includes live exercises + Q&A??
3 Co-working sessions??
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- 6 MONTHS GROUP VOXER COACHING??
Get your questions answered about your writing with texts and voice note communication Monday to Friday with Sofia. Shared in a private group in the free Voxer app for 6 months.
Get editorial feedback in the group via shared Google Doc on up to 1 piece of writing each week, 2 pages max.
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- 6 MONTHS ACCESS TO ONLINE VIDEO VAULT??
Instant access to the online Video Vault so you can get started making progress on your writing immediately upon signing up.??
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Includes Worksheets & 40+ videos??
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- NOTION TEMPLATE SET??
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Instant access to the simple system to organize your ideas, book, and business copy with prompts and training. You'll be more organized and get more done. Everything is customizable! Perfect for people juggling a lot.??
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Includes Digital Templates + Video Training??
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Enrollment for Summer 2023 opens mid May.??
Write for your book, business or desire to serve others, so you can step into the next level of your leadership and feel the love of the people you are here to serve.
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Total investment for 6 month program: $470??
6 and 9 month payment plans are available.??
Open spots will be announced when enrollment opens to the general public in mid May.
(There will be no more than 10 open spots out of 14 total. The past 2 groups have sold out, and current students get the first choice of spots.)
Get first grab at the remaining spots by joining the waitlist.
General enrollment opens later in May. Class 1 is June 1st.