Trying a Different Perspective

What’s wrong with them?” Most of us have asked ourselves that question when we are faced with a bully. Many of us have experienced bullying in our classes both when we were children and as adults. Handling the situation can be distracting and time consuming for everyone. But handling it must be done.?

What if we looked at bullying-type behaviors from a different perspective? What if we had a new framework to view behaviors in general that may create some positive changes? Not another program, but a way to look at things through the lens of the five needs we share in life. No magic cures or quick fixes promised. No excuses, but possible explanations and hope.?

We know children who are known as bullies are just children trying to be heard, using bullying-type behaviors to get what they need. What could they need and what can we do about it?

We can become aware of some needs that psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser outlines in his Choice Theory. The needs are similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. We can recognize that these needs do impact our daily life, ability to focus and emotional state – which can impact our ability to learn and socialize. Our behaviors are often a reflection of how we can and cannot identify and meet our needs.

Looking at these needs in depth takes time. The Five Needs identified by Dr. Glasser are survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun. Survival or staying alive covers food, shelter and safety. The need for relationships is part of love and belonging while a sense of achievement and self-worth are power needs. The need for freedom is also the need to choose for ourselves. The need for fun is imperative. While having fun, there are opportunities for growth, learning respect, new experiences and acceptance of diversity.?

Imagine one or more of those needs going unmet and the impact that can have on a child? How we meet our needs is based on many things including our abilities, interest, culture, family beliefs, our personal values, wishes and what we have experienced in life.

As teachers, we may be unaware of what is happening in a child’s world. Learning to identify and meet the needs in the classroom can open doors for the students to come to you with things that may otherwise go unspoken.?

Trying this different perspective of connecting the needs we have to the behaviors we see can help us address the problem behaviors in a different way. We still enact consequences for unwanted behaviors, but we also have an opportunity to teach lessons that can last a lifetime. The Needs remain with us throughout life; however, the ways we meet them change.

When teaching about the Needs, we teach about diversity, compassion and empathy, along with many life skills. We get to share what the differences are between needs and wants. This can be a game changer for some students as they learn about appreciation and respect for what they do have and lose an entitlement attitude.?

There are a variety of ways to teach about the Needs. Some ideas are introducing one Need a month at Morning Meetings, small group discussion and Project Based Learning sessions. Be creative in what will work in your classroom and your school.??

There is no magic bullet, no magic wand to fix our prob-lems with bully type behaviors around us, but we can stay curi-ous and open and explore options.?

We can change the questions from “What is wrong with them?” or “Why do they keep doing this?” to “What do they need, and how can I help them learn to identify and meet those needs differently?”?

I have had to ask myself, and you can join me, “How am I doing meeting each of these needs?” Take some time and explore your own life. This is ongoing work. Enjoy the journey.

Wendy is the Immediate Past President of VA Beta Omicron. She is a retired School Social Worker