Try vs Do
Kelly Swingler
Educating Coaches, Leaders and People Pros in the Burnout Academy | Global Burnout educator, author and keynote speaker
A few months ago I experienced my first 'nothingness' in a meditation and it felt amazing, yet since then I've found myself trying to recreate the moment and failing, until last Thursday. I've been practising meditation now for years and this 'nothingness' is what the teachers and text books will tell you is the thing to aspire to with meditation, but for now, just focusing on your breath is enough to start with.
And so I've found myself for years trying to find nothingness and thinking I was there with it, until I realised I wasn't. The first time I found this complete silence and stillness I felt elated, and it's taken several months to get back to it. And on Thursday night when it happened again, I realised that the difference was that I totally let go. I stopped trying, and in stopping the trying, it happened again.
That same evening as my partner and I lay in bed I asked him what time he would be home the following day, he leaves at 4am so we don't see each other in the mornings, and he said he would try and be back by 3pm. The word 'try' made me realise that he would be later back. When he says he'll be back at a certain time, he is. When he says he try, he's always late.
And it got me thinking about when we try and when we do.
In trying to find the nothingness of my meditation, I hadn't been able to make it happen. And I considered other areas of life when I've said I'll try to do something and have failed to make it happen.
If I try to make it to a friends, I rarely do. If I try to find time to call my parents, I rarely do. If I try to lose weight, or get fitter, or get to bed early, or try to get to sleep things rarely happen.
Yet, when I commit, when I make things happen, or when I say I'll do something I do. Try seems to be my get out of jail free card and trying doesn't feel the same as actually doing. When we are doing our best we achieve, even if not at the level we thought we would. Trying to eat healthily is not the same as eating healthily. Trying to write is not the same as writing. Trying to run is not the same as running.
On a coaching call this morning with a client, the client mentioned trying something. We had a discussion about what 'trying' meant and discovered, as I had myself, that trying always left a lot of room for manoeuvre and things very rarely got done when she said she would try to do things.
How often do you let try get in the way of do?
If you committed instead of saying you'll try what difference would that make for you?
Kelly
Kelly is an Executive Coach and Global Empowerment Coach for Leaders and HR Professionals at kellyswingler.com. She leads and coaches with an open heart, an open mind and has the courage to challenge the status quo and do things differently so that we can all love our roles, find balance in our lives and so that we can all change the world of work for the better.
This post was originally posted on kellyswingler.com on 22nd June 2020.
Project Manager New Addington Job club
2 年I have great pains with try vs do, autism can be dreadful in making decisions especially personal, yet in professional business decision making im expert. So I said , look jayne try and see why you have this difficulty, because autism does not effect me when in work mode so it is a transferable skill, yet to be mastered by myself. The Holy Scriptures make it easier as it simply says, at the end ensure your yes means yes and no means no, stick to your first decision. I am still trying, either lidl or tesco or Iceland, you know as that item is cheaper etc, I kinda think my autism drives the decision into sub groups etc etc until there is no end , only the beginning still what shop to go to Lol. I laugh at myself because I end up going nowhere
Asia’s top leadership coach, Best leadership coach of the year, Top 40 entrepreneur under 40, CEO DYPCLC CORPORATION: DEEPA YADAV PROFESSIONAL CONSULTANCY AND LEADERSHIP COACHING
4 年Just Stop Trying The point is that when we say we are trying we don’t really have to do anything. It also provides us with an excuse for why we didn’t accomplish the outcome we say we want. The difference is very clear...! You either do something or you don’t do it. Trying is really the same as not doing it. Eliminate the word try from your vocabulary. Language is subtle. The words we use can program us to perform certain ways. Using the wrong language can create an outcome we don’t intend. Try is a worthless word that accomplishes nothing. It might make us feel better when we fail, but it actually induces the kind of behavior that leads to failure. Decide either to do or not do. If you don’t want to do something, fine. Don’t do it. But don’t pretend that trying is the same as doing. They are completely different postures. This is what Yoda was telling Luke. Everything important we accomplish begins with decision. We don’t slip into our greatest achievements. We commit and then make them happen. Commit 100 percent to the outcome you want. As the project manager in Apollo 13 said, “Failure is not an option.” Play full out. Don’t quit. Don’t settle for merely trying.
Teamlead HR Operations & Services
4 年An experienced physiotherapist used to fine me 5 bucks each time I would say ?I will try to...“ - I found it very convincing and helpful!...
Human Resources and Talent Acquisition professional experienced in high-volume community health and local government recruitment.
4 年This is excellent, Kelly. Thank you!
"Creative & Innovative Entrepreneur"
4 年Very True