Try this simple, life-changing exercise

What if you could:

- fully enjoy your life?

- feel inspired each and every day?

- grow and develop at a rate even faster than you can imagine?

I remember reading once somewhere that “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

And it really hit me. Wow, I better surround myself with some pretty exceptional people then, because being average has never really been something that I’ve aspired to be.

I remember it so clearly. I was sitting on the ground against the wall in the Changchun, China airport late on a Friday night. A delayed flight back to Beijing with no new take off time, exhausted after delivering a 2-day leadership program for an international company.

I felt tired. Not just because it was late and I’d exhausted myself in the days before. I was searching for more stimulation, more inspiration, a steeper learning curve, positive energy. Using my lower thighs as a table, I took out a scrap piece of paper and scribbled my responses to the following questions: 

• Who do I know that brings me positive energy?
• What is it about them / the relationship that makes it positive?
• Who am I when I’m with that person? 

It should be pointed out that the people who I wrote down as bringing me positive energy are not all necessarily outgoing, optimistic people. They are super diverse in every way imaginable (ethnicity, age, gender, career background, etc), and some are in fact a lot more realistic and practical than I am. The people that bring me positive energy are the people who awaken something in me (a new question, a new curiosity, a new idea), push and challenge my thinking, and that leave me with feeling connected and hopeful for a bright future.  

For the list I made that night, only one was an existing friend. Others were acquaintances, people I’d met and interacted with just a few times. Two lived on different continents. I promised myself I’d reach out to each one of them to find a way to get together. 

And I did… 

Let’s look back now, years later, on what’s come of it. 

One of those people - a visionary leader, famous for their accomplishments - is now a mentor of mine, someone I call for guidance and inspiration. We’ve collaborated on projects, he was at my wedding! At the time, we had met only once. 

One of those people – so successful in her industry and yet so authentic and down to earth – is now a close, dear friend. We vacation together, we hang out, we share dreams and challenges. At the time, we had met only once.

And, one of those people – the epitome of positive energy – I now call my husband! At the time, he was a loose connection, someone I’d met a few times and had a coffee with only once. 

Yes – I’m married to a man after once scribbling his name down on a scrap piece of paper as someone who brought me positive energy that I thought it would be good to spend a bit more time with. 

And how beautiful that is. Because here is what is so interesting. 

When I first answered: 

Q: What is it about them / the relationship that makes it positive? 

I wrote: 

• He has integrity. 
• He believes in me. 
• He’s genuinely interested in what I’m doing and he is eager to support me however he can.

Q: Who am I when I’m with that person? 

• Myself. My true self.

I didn’t mention the list when I reached out to him to meet. That next time we sat together was over a coffee, and I had come prepared to talk about business. I had a bunch of questions and sat down ready for a productive discussion. But there he was, listening, really listening and I found myself sharing more and more, and opening up until the point that I became emotional. I cried. 

That had never happened before with anyone. And while I was a little embarrassed in the moment, he didn’t judge me. He believed in me. And I walked out of that meeting so full of positive energy and even with some new questions that I hadn’t had when I walked in. 

I’ll save the story of what happened next and how we got to here for some other time.  

But if you ask me now about what makes our marriage so incredibly strong, I don’t think I could answer it much better than I did on that scrap paper:

Q: What is it about them / the relationship that makes it positive? 

• He has integrity. 
• He believes in me. 
• He’s genuinely interested in what I’m doing and he is eager to support me however he can.

Q: Who am I when I’m with that person? 

• Myself. My true self.

And here is the best part… Who I am today, my “true self” today, is different than who I was then. I’ve grown so much. 

• I live a full life that I truly enjoy. 
• I feel inspired each and every day.
• I’m consistently growing and developing in ways that I once couldn’t have even imagined. 

I’ve made this simple exercise a part of life. I collect the people I meet that bring me positive energy and I find ways to keep them around.

We use this as an activity in Inner Circles programs, and I've observed as people's lives radically transform as they follow these three simple steps:

Step 1 – Write down your responses to the following questions: 

• Who do I know that brings me positive energy?
• What is it about them / the relationship that makes it positive?
• Who am I when I’m with that person? 

Step 2 – Take Action: 

Reach out to each of the people you named above and find a way to meet them.

Step 3 – Watch what happens:

Observe how your outlook starts to shift. Observe how your environment starts to look different. Observe how you grow.

Try it!

Let us know how it goes.

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Em Roblin has been passionately creating experiences for people to grow professionally and personally for over 15 years, and has worked with thousands of people and partnered with top global organizations. She is the founder of two brands: one focused on Inclusion and Diversity with an expertise in localizing D&I strategy in China. The other brand, Inner Circles, offers courses for women to grow personally and professionally. With lots of great programs lined up for 2019 - from their signature offline experiences to online workshops - be sure to follow Em to stay updated.