Try and ensure no one gets upset with you

Anger is a survival reaction. If someone is angry, a survival issue is activated. If you try to pacify them, most often you will be perceived -- instinctively -- as an enemy, unless you know how to do it. Most commonly, if you want to pacify an angry person, you are triggered yourself. You are afraid. Now, there are other responses. Not surprising, this never worked well. However, I have pacified a man in a complete rage, I've told the story here somewhere. What it took, basically, was total detachment on my part.

No fear at all. Then interacting with him, at substantial personal risk, I was actually hit, twice. And I didn't stop. Rather, I handed him a cup of water and this man had been raging, restrained by four police officers, totally gone, crazy and complete rage. He took the water, smiled, and said "Thank you." Complete transformation. I didn't plan it. I just did it. I don't have a clue how to "instruct" others how to do that. Perhaps start by being utterly crazy, outside of consensus reality.

However, this is clear and generic. If you want to fix anger, based on survival, detach from your own reactions. I use "there is nothing wrong here" practically as a mantra. With someone raging, breaking things, and highly resistant to advice, practically allergic to it. But without my reaction, but with my listening, they calm themselves. Calm is contagious. I've been through extensive family therapy for Reactive Attachment Disorder, which generates the symptoms I'm talking about, and that is exactly what the experts suggested.

Detach. Handle your own reactions. And, they claim, No, they will not actually kill themselves and they will not burn down the house. They are communicating how they feel, not actual plans. There is a lot of controversy over it, and there have been dangerous attempts to treat it. However, there is an obvious connection with rage. There is a story of a martial artist, a master, dealing with a raging drunk, who was threatening passengers on a train. He could have killed the man on the spot, he had the skills. Instead, he sat down and started a conversation. He knew what to say (and ask) to develop rapport, and he uncovered the pain. The man started crying. And then he helped the man off the train, and helped him get home.

Firstly I would need to know why that person was angry, which I would imagine that they would soon tell me, although some may expect me to know already. I would then try to calm them down and listen to what it was that I did , or was suspected of having done, to enrage them. Then I would make an effort to justify this sin, if I actually did it. I would emphasise that and expect them to absorb things that I said. Whether I actually did what I was being accused of, and the reason.

I would then apologise , if it was in order. I may do this anyway and tell them I didn't mean to upset them. I would try to look at it from their position. Then I would try to rectify my mistake if possible, or ask them what I could do to put things right. If there was no way that this could be done, or I thought it was unreasonable, i would say so. Then, if after all this they were still furious, I would stay quiet until they had said all they had to say, and hope and pray that the situation did not get out of control. I have been in this situation, and the person could not be reasoned with.

If they are intoxicated it can be very frightening, as they could become violent and irrational, and it is a very dangerous place to be, especially if you are alone and there is nobody around to call for help. It is one I hope never to be in again! The person was accusing me of things I was not guilty of, and wanted me to confess to. He had a psychiatric disorder that I was not aware of. So ladies, be very careful of this possibility and stay well away from anyone who you suspect may be mentally unstable and in need of professional help. However compassionate you are, it may not be a good idea to believe that you can be the one to save another person from them self. There could be a deep rooted reason for their anger that is beyond your capability to deal with.

Take good care of yourself and don't allow anyone to abuse you. Stay safe and if a man ever hits you it is definitely time to call a halt and get a bodyguard as soon as possible! Enrol in a self defence class. Learn karate. Whatever it takes. It could be that you need help to deal with your own problems so try to find a network of some sort that can help you rather than trying to cope with everything alone. If that person is the father of your child or children you may need to discuss with your doctor the situation that you are in, and ask advice as to how to proceed and perhaps how to get your partner to realise that he needs help.

Try to identify what you think is the main problems you are both facing but try to talk this over within a space where there is some professionally trained person present and the problem will not become magnified. Your children must never be drawn into any quarrels. Always show them love. and think about how the choices that you make could affect yours and their security and future happiness. Ask a good friend or babysitter to mind them and keep any quarrels well away from your home,in a place where you can try to discuss how best to solve things in a peaceful way.

When a person gets angry, he loses his ability to think what's right or wrong for him. He is not in a frame of mind to take rational decisions, therefore he becomes more aggressive and violent. One needs to know the exact reasons for the eruption of anger in a person before dealing with him. There may be many reasons for anger to manifest itself like non fulfillment of one's wishes and desires, too much of expectations from others which do not materialise, or just an out burst of pent up emotions which have been suppressed for a long period of time.

Then it would be prudent for you to be patient and just maintain your silence in the presence of the person getting angry at you .Calm down and try to relax yourself, for if you will try to reply and make him/her understand his/ her mistakes, and thereby pacify that person, it will surely act as a fuel to increase the fire of anger. The other person in the fit of anger is never in a position to reason the pros and cons of your point of view. It would be great if you could leave the premises, room, or hall where the angry person is exploding. Bouts of anger doesn't last long,so give that person time to cool off.

Please acknowledge the fact that getting angry is a normal thing.. It's an emotion that needs to be taken care of. Dealing with this emotional state of mind with confidence and compassion will help you understand that person and make your mind feel more comfortable and peaceful. You are the best judge when such situations confront you, if all your best efforts fail, you need to call the police to handle the situation and relax. Cheers!