The Truth About Validation Anxiety
Picture this. You're scrolling through your feed, searching for that little red heart or thumbs up to give you that sweet, sweet hit of validation. And when it's not there, you feel like a loser. A nobody. A complete and utter failure. Sounds familiar??
You don’t need to be a social media influencer to relate to validation anxiety. But if you happen to be one… let’s just pray you’ve got a good therapist.?
Validation anxiety is nothing new. It’s been around before humans gave it a name. Today, thanks to social media, we’ve all turned into a bunch of Pavlovian dogs – salivating at the sound of a notification.
If you’re a full-time influencer, every notification sounds like ka-ching. Impossible to ignore.
Even if we’re not influencers, we now check our phones constantly, scrolling through our feeds, desperately seeking that validation hit that will make us feel good about ourselves. We measure our self-worth in likes and comments, obsessing over every detail of our online personas. We take dozens of photos before we find the perfect one to post. We apply filters and edit out any imperfections. And for what? To gain validation from strangers? Pfft.
For the last 10 years, I live in a tropical paradise and a popular holiday destination. Away from the bustle, pollution and traffic of the big cities. I also enjoy documenting my life and sharing it on social media. While some of my friends and family appreciate it, most are envious. From their point of view, I'm just showing off my good fortune to everyone. It's almost as bad as a richie-rich showing off his newly acquired possessions on social media.?
So, where does that leave me? Do I stop sharing my life online to avoid making others feel envious or resentful? Or do I continue to share my experiences, knowing that some may view it as showing off?
It's a tough question, and there's no easy answer. On the one hand, I want to be genuine and authentic in my online presence. On the other hand, I don't want to hide my life and pretend to be something I'm not. It's a delicate balance, and one that I'm still trying to figure out.
What you see of me on social media is just the picture I want to paint for the world. The reality is a lot more mundane. And it's not just me, it's all of us. Influencer or not, we carefully curate our online personas, presenting only the best and most brag-worthy aspects of our lives to the world.?
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And with every post we share, we crave that feeling of being seen and heard. We're addicted to being appreciated. But what happens when that appreciation is hard to find? What happens when your latest post doesn't get any likes or comments? You start to question your worth. You start to downward spiral on the self-worth ladder.?
When you base your self-worth (or worse, financial worth) on the number of your followers and your engagement metrics… you're just one bad week away from slipping into severe anxiety and depression.
We seem to have forgotten that social media is just a highlight reel to make everyone envious of our good fortune. Nobody cares about the hours of hard work that go into shooting that perfect photo. Or perfectly syncing audio to that Instagram reel. No one gets to see the behind-the-scenes struggles and setbacks.?
Maybe that’s where the disconnect is. No one cares about your posts because they don't see the mundane, everyday moments that make up most of your life – so what if you’re a social media celebrity. God help you if followers just love you for your carefully curated posts.?
So is there a solution to this conundrum, you ask? Well, yeah. Stop seeking validation from others and start validating yourself. And if you still feel the need to post on social media, do it for yourself, not for the likes. Post that photo of your cat, or that goofy meme that made you laugh. Who cares if no one else likes it? You liked it, and that's all that matters.
Remember: you are more than the sum of your likes and comments.