Truth Be Told...

My client was a mid-sized global consultancy; the CEO was "Jeff." Jeff invited me to sit in on a meeting with some of his senior consultants, one of whom was "Jim." Jim described a difficult situation with one of his clients.

"The CEO asked me to investigate a whole series of organizational dysfunctions," Jim explained. "There was no team spirit, turnover was high, there was a lot of confusion about roles, initiatives fizzled out with people blaming each other, that sort of thing. So, I set about looking into the situation."

"The problem," Jim continued, "was pretty clearly the CEO himself. He was seen as arbitrary, given to playing hunches and changing his mind; people thought he was inconsistent and played politics. My analysis is pretty solid. My issue is: how can I possibly explain this to my client, the CEO himself?"

I was just an observer in this meeting, but Jeff turned to me and said, "Charlie, what do you think Jim should do?"? In that instant I felt like Jim probably did, but I said, "Well, I don't think you have a choice – you have to find the words to tell him the truth." Jeff then added, "Let me underscore what Charlie just said – you must tell him the truth." We then spent some time talking about how to deliver the message.

Jeff told me what happened the next day. Jim had spent a sleepless night, and went to the CEO's office the next morning, his head full of data and opening lines, his heart filled with angst. Jim started with a tortured introduction to his approach, an attempt to ease the pain of a direct confrontation. He felt he was struggling to tell in roundabout words a message he clearly dreaded delivering.

After a bit of this Kabuki theater, the CEO blurted out, "It's me, isn't it? The problem is me. I'm the problem, right?"

Jim was shocked, amazed and relieved all at once. He confirmed the CEO's conclusion, and the CEO shared with him that, "I've never been comfortable in this job, I don't enjoy it, my skills are not being used here and I don't have the skills that are needed. I need to be doing something else."? They then spent an hour talking candidly and honestly about what the CEO would prefer to be doing, and where to be doing it. It was a bonding conversation that both felt good about.

Yes, on some level Jim dodged a bullet. True, but that's not the point. The point is that the truth is nearly always the best strategy. I would add that there is no truth that can't be told if it is told carefully and with caring. (Note Jim's client's huge relief at the truth being out in the open).

There is a big side-issue of determining just what is the truth in a given case; that's a subject for another post. Here I want to focus on how we frequently fail to tell the truth, and why. Often we don't truth-tell for (ostensible) fear of hurting someone else (or of being blamed as the messenger delivering bad news).

But much more harm is done, in nearly all cases, by a failure to speak the truth. We fail because we fall victim to one of a hundred forms of fear, the root negative human emotion. And then we justify our failure in moralistic terms of not wanting to hurt others. This is a vicious dynamic.

Here's a non-data-based claim (but one I'll make nonetheless): the more difficult, the more painful it is to share the truth – or even to just put the issue on the table – the more imperative it is to do so.

How do we get better at truth-telling? On a tactical level, we can adopt a grammatical technique called "Name It and Claim It," a socially acceptable way of calling out the elephant in the room. On a deeper level, we can learn from Brad Blanton's Radical Honesty approach. For starters, just run the numbers; evaluate the long-term consequences of a failure to tell the truth, vs. the "pull-off-the-band-aid" approach – with compassion and caring.

As someone once said, "The truth shall set you free."

Quick Wisdom Quip: One virtue (among many) of telling the truth is that you only have to remember one version.? ?

Practical Tip:? What's a truth you've been withholding? What are the benefits of telling it? Try out the approach in Name It and Claim It to see if you can find the words.