The Truth About Purpose: Why You’re Searching for the Wrong Thing

We’ve all been taught—especially in personal development circles—that we must find our purpose and a WHY that “makes us cry.” But millions of people struggle with this. They don’t see their purpose, and their WHY doesn’t bring them to tears. Honestly? I’m one of them—at least in the way this concept is traditionally understood.

This newsletter, Live the Life You Want, is named that way for a reason. It’s about what you want. Everything we discuss here is designed to provide a fresh perspective or neuroscience-based tools to improve your life and help you create the life you truly desire. Interestingly, what we want evolves over time, making it a dynamic and ever-changing concept.

The Myth of the Grand Purpose

You’ve likely been told to “find your purpose in life.” But most people don’t, and that’s perfectly okay. Purpose isn’t always a grand, singular mission like ending world hunger or saving the planet. Instead, it often appears in small doses—yet we’re conditioned to believe it must be one massive, all-encompassing thing. When we don’t find it, we feel inadequate. I know I did at one point.

The same goes for the infamous Big WHY. I don’t have a WHY that makes me cry, and I probably never will. The truth is, most of us won’t feel that level of emotion about a single purpose. The concept is catchy, but it can be harmful. Some people have fallen into deep depression—or worse—because they couldn’t find a satisfying answer to these questions. It creates unnecessary pressure and a sense of failure.

A New Perspective on Purpose

What if I told you that your so-called WHY is simply a want or a need—and that it will change throughout your life? What if purpose is just a goal that shifts depending on your situation, the people around you, or even your mood? What if purpose could be as simple as pursuing a small outcome that brings you joy?

I have a big dream: I want to make the world a better place than I found it. And I want to be happy. Some say that’s not enough to call it a purpose. I say it is. For me, purpose is a guiding light that helps me navigate life, make decisions, and eliminate distractions. I find fulfillment in knowing that what I do—big or small—helps others and puts a smile on my face. That’s enough for me.

So if you don’t have a big WHY or a grand purpose, welcome to the club. You are not alone.

Design Your Perfect Day

Instead of stressing over a big WHY, I invite you to do something different: Create your perfect day. Not a task-based schedule, but a full sensory experience. Imagine every detail:

Instead of: “I wake up at 7 AM.”

Try: “I wake up at 7 AM, slowly opening my eyes as golden sunlight streams through the window. The crisp morning air fills my lungs, awakening my senses. I stretch, feeling the soft silk of my pajamas against my skin. I glance over at the gorgeous bouquet of fresh flowers beside me, their fragrance filling the room. A sense of calm and gratitude washes over me as I start my day.”

See the difference? Now, it’s your turn.

Who is in your perfect day? What do you see, feel, hear, and smell? Describe it vividly. And here’s the best part: Your brain doesn’t distinguish between imagination and reality. Live your perfect day in your mind, and it will guide you toward making it real.

No logic ever started a revolution or built an empire. It was always fueled by desire and feeling.

Use that power. Use the tools already within you to create the life you truly want.

Dominka Staniewicz M.S

https://yourbraincoachd.com

FB/IG @yourbraincoachd

Notable studies:

Purpose and Well-being:

• Study: A 2019 study published in JAMA Network Open found that having a sense of purpose is associated with lower mortality rates and better overall health.
• Reference: Alimujiang, A., et al. (2019). Association Between Life Purpose and Mortality Among US Adults Older Than 50 Years. JAMA Network Open. Link

2. Harmful Effects of Purpose Pressure:

• Study: Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that placing excessive pressure on oneself to find a singular purpose can lead to anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.
• Reference: Burrow, A.L., & Hill, P.L. (2011). Purpose as a Form of Identity Capital: Psychological Implications of Purpose Exploration and Commitment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

3. The Brain and Visualization:

• Study: Neuroscientific research from Harvard Medical School confirms that the brain doesn’t distinguish between real and vividly imagined experiences, which supports the power of visualization in shaping reality.
• Reference: Pascual-Leone, A. (2005). The Plastic Human Brain Cortex. Annual Review of Neuroscience.

4. Emotions vs. Logic in Decision-Making:

• Study: Antonio Damasio, a neuroscientist, demonstrated in his book Descartes’ Error that emotions—not logic—drive decision-making, reinforcing the idea that passion and desire are key to achieving goals.
• Reference: Damasio, A. (1994). Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. Putnam Publishing.