TRUTH of the Power of Questions
I have written often about the importance of asking questions and that questions are the key to discerning TRUTH, but I have not said much about the ART of asking questions. The art of questioning involves getting at the entire TRUTH not just revealing what someone wants you to know. The art of asking questions is the art of asking great questions. Unlike lawyers, doctors, and psychologists… business professionals and just average people are not formally?trained on what kinds of questions to ask when approaching a problem or an opportunity.?
We go about every day not realizing how many questions we are asking and therefore pay little attention to how they are asked. We ask to gain information and better understand things, but we also ask them to make points, stimulate thinking, and rationalize or support our own thinking. This is seldom deliberate or given much thought. Great questions start with an understanding of why we are asking something. Great questions start with a level of curiosity most people do not have. Great questions often follow up on the response we get from previous questions.
But what we are actually seeking is powerful questions, questions that draw out much more powerful responses telling us more than what just great questions are telling us. According to the?Coaches Training Institute?(CTI), “powerful questions invite introspection, are open-ended, lead to greater creativity and insight, and invite [people] to look inside or to the future”. The base of a powerful question is the context in which it is used. What might apply in one situation may not in another. They start with the clarity of what we are seeking and going far beyond by mastering how they are asked based upon what you are seeking.
My grandson offers a great example of what I mean here. If you ask him directly if he did something he will deny it and blame his brothers. But if you find a different way of asking, he cannot resist confessing to the entire crime by correcting what you said as being incorrect or completely out of context. Detectives and other interrogators are great at bringing out the TRUTH by the way in which they ask questions. The most famous example of this is …” when did you stop beating your wife?” The key is in how you express yourself verbally.
Powerful questions hit home, capturing our hearts and minds in an impactful way based on our unique experiences, beliefs, values, etc. This is why context is so critical. We are all different and react to things differently. For one person humor might work the best; for another it might be empathy. for my grandson it is getting things right. So how do you begin to ask powerful questions?
The real power of questions come from how they are asked. They are built upon establishing a relationship, making a connection, and establishing a level of trust. Ask simple, respective questions first and build upon their answers. Your power comes from making an individual comfortable. ?We all have certain boundaries or parameters of what we feel most comfortable sharing. These are internalized to protect our truths, our lies, and our deep secrets. ?The intention is to guide the person to a point where they are comfortable in what they are revealing without suspicion or concern. The need is to slowly push them outside their comfort zone.
What are powerful questions? They start by being open-ended – what, when – how – requiring more than one-word answers. They make you think, go deeper, and be more honest. My favorite is, "if you could change just one thing in your life or your business, what would it be?" This one question has opened many great conversations for me as people often do not reflect on this subject.
Next, they are totally based on realizing that you don’t have any idea what an answer might be but need to discover the entire TRUTH about the subject being asked. You must not have a preconceived answer in mind when asking powerful questions. You must be open to learning and discovering.
Powerful questions must also be clear and succinct, using as few words as necessary. Powerful questions are embedded within conversations aimed at gaining context and relevance. Here is probably the most crucial point to remember about powerful questioning. You can’t plan them in advance. Formulaic questions outlined before the conversation won’t work. You must be in the moment.
Powerful questions require one additional trait …a higher level of curiosity!
Need an example of this? Find any 3-year-old and listen to them for an hour. They ask what, why and how about nearly everything they see in the world around them. They want to know more and do not limit themselves to the societal expectations of what’s right or wrong. They just ask. The secret to asking more powerful questions is digging deeper. It’s triggering our 3-year-old selves and reconnecting with our curiosity.
Aaron Levy in a Forbes article on the subject suggests using riddles to bring curiosity back. He offers this… "“What has a head, a tail, is brown and has no legs?"
As you are reading this, trying to figure out the answer, your mind is swirling with questions and possibilities. What kind of animal has no legs? Is it an animal? What else could it be? What sorts of things have tails?” He contends that, “the series of questions running through your head is your curiosity showing up. It’s the little kid inside of you wanting to understand, to know. Curiosity is the genuine desire to learn more -- to explore.”
Just so you don’t drive yourself crazy, the answer to this riddle is “a penny.”
To be able to evaluate people, teams or situations with greater fidelity, to get at TRUTH, go back to the curious part of you that wants to explore. Instead of restricting yourself, open yourself up and allow your mind to ask any question. Allow yourself to ask the powerful questions. You already have them in you.