The Truth in "Pick Your Battles"

This article comes from a personal experience which many seem to resonate with. Out of respect to those who know some of the situations/people I am referring to, I won't share the specifics of what triggers me.

But it is something close to my heart and I suspect something you are aware of as well.

So I share it with you to:

1. Encourage introspection about this challenge in your own life
2. Help you become more intentional about how you interact with others
3. Find out more about your experience, if you're willing to share

What is a battle?

As with all things in life, this is a matter of perception defined by our beliefs, cultures & environments.

To some, a conversation of differing perspectives is daunting.

To others, an argument with a family member is normal, easy and how things get done.

To others, it's a solo journey of getting angry/sad/mad inside while expressing nothing to others.

Q1: What is a battle for you?

Mindfulness at the start

And then there are times when we find ourselves in a battle (fight, argument, confrontation...) which you never wanted to be in.

The key is being aware of what starts these battles. Is it when they say something? When you're low on sleep/energy? When they make a decision which negatively affects you?

Q2: How do you know when you are about to enter a battle?

Triggers, triggers, triggers

Perhaps all you wanted to do was visit family, be friendly & leave. And then you get emotionally triggered. You see something in them which repulses you.

I've made some notes about triggers below, but the essence of a trigger is when their values are so vastly different to your own that the embodiment of their values deeply offends you.

This may be as simple as someone making a joke about someone else's weight. Or it could be someone using "you" language which you don't believe is true (e.g. "You often say silly things like this"). It could also be seeing someone do something which you believe is unethical (e.g. a vegetarian going to an event with a pig on a spit).

But they're different for every person.

Q3: What are your triggers?

React or Respond?

And then the most important thing to do is have a strategy to take the best course of action.

Perhaps sometimes it's best to let snide comments slide. Or perhaps sometimes it's best to stand your ground or defend the person being attacked.

But if you don't have a strategy then you will #react to whatever comes up.

With a strategy, you can choose to #respond instead.

This doesn't need to be as specific as "if they say this then I'll say this." It's typically more general and focused on managing your emotional state rather than focused on their actions.

E.g. #Meditation to take a step back and recentre

E.g. Going for a short walk immediately after feeling that triggering feeling

E.g. Playing calm music in triggering settings

Q4: How can you self-regulate and limit the impact from triggers?

Note 1: Most things in others which we are repulsed by are actually things which we see as reflections of ourselves.

Note 2: We can't control anything in life, especially the things others say or do. But we can always influence the way we feel and the way we respond. (If you feel incapable of this, then book in an intro call. I have coached 100s of clients and can definitely empower you to influence the way you feel and respond to any situation)

What's next?

In the next newsletter articles I'll continue to explore ways to cultivate a growth mindset and achieve the results you're striving toward with more ease, joy & passion!

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And if you want to get results now (& learn how to enjoy life now too), then let's connect. Book in 30 minutes with me, mention this article and I'll help you get started on achieving the results you desire through mindfulness, action & achieving results.

Your thoughts:

I am really interested to hear your thoughts about picking your battles instead of falling on your sword.

If this resonates, please share your comments below (or DM me if you don't want to share publicly)

This is a conversation which needs to be had!