The TRUTH of Marriage

Marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union, usually between a?man?and a woman, that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any). Children growing up in stable and loving marital households also tend to have better emotional well-being and outcomes in life.

Thus, it can be concluded that marriage plays a vital role in the well-being and happiness of individuals, families, and society as a whole. It generally is the result of the emotion of love and a heartfelt commitment between two people who promise to stand by each other through life’s journey. It’s the union of hearts, a bond that goes beyond friendship, making two souls’ partners for life.

This is, in theory, what marriage is. Often, however, it turns out totally different. Divorce is the legal end of a marriage, but it also involves emotional, financial, and parental challenges for the spouses and their children. So, what about the famous statistic that?half?of all marriages end in divorce? That’s a bit of an exaggeration when it comes to first marriages, only 43% of which are dissolved. Second and third marriages fail at a far higher rate, though, with 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages ending in divorce. With more than two-million marriages each year in the US, this is a huge number of people impacted each year.

So, what is the TRUTH about marriage?? Why do some marriages last and others do not? It is difficult to answer because each marriage has a story to tell, circumstances that determine if a commitment lasts or is easily broken. Another TRUTH is that it is not all that difficult to get a divorce today. Depending on where and other circumstances, a divorce can be granted in as few as three months. On the other hand, I encountered a couple this week that had been married 75 years; he was 100 and she was in her 90’s. I did not get a chance to ask them their secrete but was none-the-less impressed by their longevity.

Part of the key, I believe, is how we approach marriage today. Think back, if you can, to when you were dating, to the first time you saw the other person you might eventually marry. How did you act? You pursued them with some level of determination, finding out all you could about them, putting your best foot forward, and establishing a certain fa?ade about who you were. If interested, they did much the same. Even before the proposal was made, each was proceeding without full disclosure or knowledge of the other. Of course there are exceptions to this, but it is true most of the time.

What happens after the marriage? Do both parties continue to act as they had? Or is there something that changes. Today, more couples are living together before marriage, or not marrying at all, just living together. As some would say, all the benefits without the obligations.

Once considered taboo, it has become more common and accepted over time.?Cohabitating can help you get to know one another more and figure out if you are truly compatible, but moving in together for the wrong reasons can lead to bigger problems down the road.? Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD has emphasized “the importance of choosing your partner because you want to be with them, and don’t let your decisions be made out of fear or convenience.”

In addition, she has stated, when talking about moving in together before marriage “means committing to the good and bad in each other and in your relationship. You each are committing to show up and stay together on the good as well as the bad days.” The TRUTH of marriage is that they require commitment.

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Another perspective is that we have a duty to our spouse that goes far beyond relationship, sex, and companionship. This duty is to exalt their needs over your own needs. It is to sacrifice self for their needs. Exalt is a large word for this today; exalt means to elevate the other person’s needs above and beyond yours. In biblical terms “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:12)

This brings forth a couple key questions. First, how am I filling the gap between meeting my needs and the needs of my spouse. Second, how am I helping my spouse to fulfill their first priority. Answering these questions can mean all the difference in a relationship.

Every relationship is a gift, given to fulfill the needs of an individual. Marriage fulfills several important, or even essential needs, and yet we grumble about what God hasn’t given us and fight against what God has given us. We desire a wife, a partner, a companion in life, but we are not willing to make the commitment necessary, to fulfill the entire duty of marriage. This is why marriages fail.

There are several hard TRUTHS of marriage that must be considered. Without getting into a lot of detail (saved for future articles) here are ten of them:

1.?????? There will be disagreements that may never be resolved.

2.?????? You can only change yourself, not your spouse.

3.?????? Don’t expect or even demand praise for what you bring to the relationship.

4.?????? You chose only each other, not your families; you must evolve into your own family.

5.?????? You will be required to make trade-offs.

6.?????? The intrinsic connection between the two of you is all that matters, not all the trappings.

7.?????? Ignore the “judgements” of others concerning your relationship.

8.?????? Your relationship will improve with adversity, if you work at it.

9.?????? Take responsibility for your own satisfaction; desire your spouse’s involvement but, in the end, they are not accountable for them.

10.?? Never forget your foundation of love over the years.

Love and marriage require a 100 percent investment from both partners — and acceptance of your spouse as a 50/50 partner in all that you do – and if you are not ready to let someone into your life so fully and openly, then maybe marriage is not yet the step you need to take.?

Marriage is difficult, it is not easy, and it’s not always fun but it is all so worth the effort!

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