Truth, Lies and How to Spot Them

“Everybody lies. The only variable is about what.” – House M.D.

**Thank you to Intelligence Analyst Kimber Cox for her contribution**

Is there ever a good reason to lie?

The short answer: Yes.

The long answer: Lying is viewed as morally wrong. But every human being knows how useful it is. Why we lie and why we're upset when the truth is hidden from us, is difficult to explain.

In this article, we’ll cover the Truth, Lies, Deception Detection and What-To-Do-Next...

TRUTH

“Those who know the truth are not equal to those who love it.” – Confucius

Definition: The body (embodiment) of real things, events and facts.

Why (do we care?): SURVIVAL.

Our former nomadic tribal society wouldn't have been able to function if we didn't assume people were telling the truth. These same rules apply to the modern-day society.

Dr. Tim Levine's basic idea of Truth-Default Theory (Truth Bias) is when we communicate with other people, we tend to believe them.

It rarely crosses our minds that we shouldn't, unless presented with overwhelming evidence. Evolution has conditioned us to accept information as truthful to ensure our survival.

If we didn't baseline our assumption that people were telling the truth, than we couldn't Communicate or Cooperate. The two pillars which makes our society function.

Benefits of telling the Truth:

Our lives are based on strategies to obtain, benefit and avoid failure. Unknown unknowns are always a calculated risk, but relying on falsehoods will cause even the best strategies to fail in a predictable way.

In workplace, the truth can build your reputation. How you carry yourself creates trustworthiness. Trusted information improves your efficiency at work and, of course... the Truth shall set you free. Truth tellers are more likely to create strong relationships that are built on mutual trust and respect; reciprocity is instilled in others.

Consequence of telling the Truth:

Navigating short-term conflict. It can be argued, that the concept of Brutal Honesty is childish and immature. On the other side of the spectrum, not conforming to our tribe(s) could lead us to exile; a fate tantamount to death.

Rocking the boat, not towing the line, separates us from group-cohesion. A link which diffuses individual responsibility and rewards members for their loyalty e.g. Food, discounts, retirement plan etc.

Exposing the truth leave us with no benefits and places responsibility, and subsequent punishment, heavily on your shoulders i.e. Edward Snowdon, Chelsea Manning and Julian Assange.

Whether you bear the consequences, fight against the system or stand as a sword of truth, depends entirely on the situation at hand... just don’t expect to be winning any popularity contests anytime soon.

LIES

“We should not be upset that others hide the truth from us, when we hide it so often from ourselves.” - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Definition: To make an untrue statement with intent to deceive.

Why (do we care?): FEAR.

Our nomadic ancestors roamed the Earth in groups of 100 -150. What we didn’t know, could kill us. Our ability to communicate, cooperate and build relationships rely entirely on our fellow tribesmen's trustworthiness.

Now, in the 21st century, we entrust those around us. Not with our lives… but with our livelihoods.

Benefits of Lying:

In plain terms, Ego; the preservation of it. ?

According to forensic psychologists Brent Turvey and Aurelio Mare, there are two reasons why we're motivated to lie:

1. Pro-social lies | To look good/ avoid criticism

2. Anti-social lies | To feel good

Lying can cause people to respect (or fear) us more than they should. Your perceived authority allows you to access more resources than previously thought possible.

There’s a reason why everybody lies… it works! The path of least resistance. An evolutionary shortcut for short-term success.

We can present ourselves better than we currently are. E.g. That first date to make ourselves more desirable. That job interview when you exaggerated the facts. That time your boss made an awful joke but you faked laughed anyway.

Working with the idealised version of yourself, is always more preferable than reality. Forcing us to confront the ugly, undesirable side of ourselves, that we'd rather hide.

• “I was the best wife I could possibly be.” 
• “I deserved that promotion. I gave it 100%.” 
• “It wasn't my fault. I'm the victim.”

When: As infants, we perform deception before we can even speak. Zoologist Desmond Morris tells us we cry due to physical pain or insecurity. Picture the scenario, an infant cries, the parent runs to its side, the child stops crying. If this cycle repeats, (and you see no dirty nappy/diaper) the baby has successfully manipulated the parent in giving it attention.

The lying process for a child starts at the age of two. Denials of wrong doing; White lies; Parents encouraging Pro-social lies because it's bad manners to say hate that sweater your aunt knitted for you.

At the beginning, lying convincingly is difficult for young children. But failing to learn when to lie and how to do so convincingly, can lead to problems for later on.

Consequence of Lying: In the long-term, lying undermines your authority. Generally, most lies are detected after-the-fact based on admissions, confessions or discovering a piece evidence showing the contrary. Getting caught creating false narratives in people’s belief systems, can trigger our own downfall. This includes: Destroyed relationships, being sacked from your job, exiled from the tribe, loss of trust and the potential repercussions for your dishonesty.

It only takes a minute to destroy a lifetime's reputation. 

DECEPTION DETECTION

“Let your lie be even more logical than the truth itself, so weary travellers may find repose.” – Czselaw Milosz

Here’s the truth… we are terrible at spotting lies.

The question which always gets asked is: What’s the most common lying behaviour?

Answer: IT DOESN'T EXIST.

When we think of a liar, what behaviours do we imagine them displaying?

Crossed Arms | Lack of Eye Contact | Frequent Pauses

But what if added more context to the above behaviours...

She's outside in the cold | He lacks self-confidence | Suffers from a stammer

So, now that we all feel guilty for pre-judging someone, when we’re identifying lies - or more accurately Deception - it's triggered by two factors:

(1) Stress/Anxiety (2) Discomfort

If we then take one step further and read behaviour in clusters, a number of things occurring at the same time, we have the ingredients to begin deception detection.

With this in mind, let's walk through the most common deceptive behaviour:

The Finger to Nose

The Finger to Nose gesture is awesome. When we’re talking about deception detection, the Finger to Nose encompasses three stress indicators:

(i)     Hushing: Mouth covering movements

Commonly seen in Children: Entire palm covering the mouth. For example: Imagine a child swearing for the first time in front of their parents. (Yeah, that behaviour)

In Adults: Index finger to lips, coughing, drinking water etc.

(ii)    Facial Touching: Hand/arm making contact with the face

Children: Eyelid rubbing

Adults: Hand on temple, massaging forehead,

(iii)    Finger to Nose: When finger/s or hand makes contact with the nose

Child: Rubbing your index finger with the bottom of the nostrils

Adults: Scratching/ pinching bridge of your nose, rubbing the side

This is all in relation to CONTEXT. When you observe the finger to nose gesture, consider the following:

• The Environment | Is it cold? Do they have the flu? Hay fever season/allergies?
• The Investigation | Gesture exhibited during your question or during their answer?
• The individual | Do they suffer from eczema? Long nose hairs? Habitual nose scratcher/pacifying gesture? Or frequent 'gold digger'?

To summarise Deception Detection: We observe Stress/Anxiety or Discomfort, not lies; Context is key; Gestures are seen in clusters.

THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH

“You can’t handle the truth.” – A Few Good Men

Congratulations! You've taken your first step at detecting deception; and gotten closer to the truth... now what

You have found out that someone has lied to you. What happens next? How do you execute the deception in your situation?

We've established that we, as human beings, are bad at spotting lies. The Truth-Default, our own biases and ability to suspend our ego while investigating are all contributing factors.

Here's a mundane example:

Scenario: You're at home. A member of your household has been stealing your food every time you leave it in the fridge. After careful examination of verbal and non-verbal cues, you're 100% sure your suspect is the thief.

When we confront them, this is how we imagine their reaction:

Our Expectations: "All right! You got me. I confess, Miles. You caught me red-handed. Great job man! *Cue applause*"

Reality: "What? I most certainly did not! How can you even accuse me of something like that? Let me be absolutely clear, there is no way, zero chance that that happened."

If we accept that everybody lies, then we must learn to choose which lies to deal with...

• Do you want to know if you have terminal cancer?
• Would you like to know if your spouse is cheating on you?
• Do you want to be brutally honest with your spouse about their gluteus maximus appearing to be roundly robust in their clothing of choice?

If we can't cope with the consequences of Truth, and yet, are obsessed with it, then why do we want it to be revealed? What is your outcome? Is it to...

Get Results OR To Be Right & Feel Superior

If you want to be right, ask yourself: What makes your version of the Truth any better than theirs?

At this point in time, they don't care about the Truth you present to them. They were blissfully ignorant and happy before you arrived, and they'll be fine after you've left.

But do you want to know what they do care about? They care about Their Truth.

And if we're a results-based individual, then why do you care about other people's points of view? Answer: Ego. It's not about being right...

It's about knowing Your Truth.

If you can't live with yourself, how are you expected to live with others? Work with others? Communicate and cooperate with others?

The truth of the matter is, is that the Truth matters. And so do Results. Suspend your ego, be reasonable to your counterpart and be generous. As long as you know yourself and validate the person across from you, you no longer need to create opportunities... you become the opportunity.