"Truth knows nothing of emotion."

"Truth knows nothing of emotion."

Definition: Truth: the true or actual state of a matter.? (Dictionary.com)

??????????? ?????? ?True:? conforming to reality or fact.? Not false.? (Dictionary.com)

You cannot lead anyone if they do not trust you.? So, being "truthful" is another characteristic good leaders should have.? After all, if you don't consistently tell the truth, how could anyone "trust" you?

Truth is the serum that inoculates the person, office, division, or company from the diseases of mistrust, suspicion, or cynicism, any of which will kill the positive?inertia built into the company culture.? This is way past important for any organization.? Truth makes things like integrity, communication, objectivity, discipline, accountability, etc. (and all we will ever talk about) actually work.? Without truth, these things will not happen, OR if they do, they will be a pale impersonation of what they should be.

As important as the truth is, you would think we would be good at seeking and telling the truth, but no, we are not!? We live in a world of half-truths, lies, and innuendos.? We "spin the facts," "shade the truth," "bend an order," or simply omit specific facts to tell some level of the truth that is most beneficial for us at the time.

Surveys show that 82% of employees don’t trust their supervisors to tell them the truth (Kiisel, 2013).? In the 2017 Edelman?Trust?Barometer, there was a record-low 37% of credibility for CEOs in the U.S. (Edelman, 2017).? We really don’t know who to trust because people fail to tell the truth in several aspects of their life; to their supervisor, spouse, family members, co-workers, friends, and yes, even themselves. ?Not telling the truth is destructive, divisive, demoralizing, and self-serving.

Why do we lie?; A humorous example follows:

These four friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends up there.? So they did this and had a great time.? However, they overslept all day Sunday with their hangovers and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final, they found the Professor after the final and explained why they missed it.? They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time, and so were late getting back to campus.? The Professor thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day.? The four guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next day when the Professor told them.? He placed them in separate rooms, handed each test booklet, and told them to begin.? They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points.? "Cool," they thought, "this will be easy." So, they solved that problem and then turned the page.? However, they were unprepared for what they saw on the next page.? It read:

(For 95 points) Which tire?

So, why would people lie?? People lie because of fear, pride, or to manipulate.? Lying revolves around emotions or self-interest.? If someone isn't telling the truth, it's not for the common good, or as we would say, "The Team."

Fear :

Our little story above gives us a good look at fear…

People fear the repercussions of telling the truth.? People fear they will be yelled at; embarrassed; be passed up for the next promotion, demoted, or lose their job.? In some cases, people fear physical reprisals, but that is the least likely.?

But why would they feel this way?? Well, if their boss is a hot-headed, egotistical, and selfish person who goes from calm to ballistic in a nanosecond for no reason at all – that would be a good reason.? But is that reason good enough not to tell the truth?

There are many reasons for not telling the truth, but none are good unless your life is at stake.

When we think about not telling the truth because of some fear, perhaps we should think about the other side of that coin.? Will the immediate gains of lying?outweigh the long-term benefits of the truth?? If you pose that question to yourself, the answer should hopefully be obvious.? The strong reputation you will have for always telling the truth will be far more profitable in the long run in either your professional or personal life.

Below are some common reasons people fear telling the truth.

Fear of professional repercussions

This is the most difficult to discuss because there are so many ambiguities that can be at play.? However, if you tell the truth, you may not be promoted, get a raise, get a long-sought-after position, be in the "right circle" of company players, or worse, be terminated.

Somewhere in your career, you will decide if you are going to "play the game" and get to “the top” no matter what, or you will do your work as well as you can and take whatever you can earn.? It becomes a matter of integrity, honesty, humility, and all the other characteristics of a good leader.? Are you willing to give up on any of those?? Because if you are going to be a person of integrity and embrace all the other characteristics, then telling the truth is first and foremost.? Telling the truth is the priority, the most important, the one thing you will always do regardless of the outcome.? This will alleviate the problem of worrying about what you will do when you have the option of telling the truth or not – regardless of the situation.

Fear of hurting others

? Here are a couple of examples where telling the truth may be challenging:

·?????? You have a good friend, not your best friend, but a good friend, and you can’t invite them to your party

·?????? You have a friend who calls you on Thursday and asks you to help her with the March Against Breast Cancer marathon on Saturday – and you made some tentative family plans that you would rather do

·?????? You forgot your spouse's birthday

·?????? Someone has halitosis

·?????? Your subordinate is trying hard to be selected for the company employee of the year, and she knows she is in the running, but you know someone else got the nod, and she asks you what her chances are

·?????? And, of course, the coup de grace: you have decided your fiancé, and you shouldn't get married.

NOBODY likes or wants to tell the truth in these situations, but lying?will not help.? The truth has to be said, and somebody will be emotionally hurt, but that doesn't change the truth.? Hence the quote, "Truth knows nothing of emotion."? It is what it is. ?And one more truth, “You have no control over someone else’s emotions.”? You cannot "will" them not to be hurt.? You cannot deflect the emotional buzzsaw that comes with bad news.? There are tactful ways to say things, but in the end, the truth will fall from your lips, and they may not feel good about it (but then, you probably don’t feel great about telling them, either).? In some instances, the damage will be drastic and perhaps irreparable, but the hurt will end in most cases.? It's a miserable position to be in, but you will likely live through telling someone the truth.

Fear of physical reprisal, (Professional)

This isn't the normal course of action in any environment, either professionally or personally.? In some cases, people fear for their physical safety if they tell the truth.? If this is the case in your professional environment, then you will not do it alone.? Period.? Remember the conversation about a "positive, healthy, and safe environment?"? Well, this falls under the "safe" part.? The truth is the truth, and it will come out regardless of someone's emotions.? Keep in mind fearing for your safety means you are facing someone who is not emotionally balanced, so having someone or a couple of other people in the room is very much in line with prudent and reasonable thinking.? Additional support could be required whether you are giving feedback up or down the chain of command.? You can do anything in the name of safety.

Fear of physical reprisal (Personal)

This article is not designed nor written with the intent of addressing personal or family abuse.? I have no credentials to discuss this type or level of behavior.? If you feel you may be subjected to bodily harm by anyone because of something you have to tell them (or for any reason), I strongly suggest you seek professional support prior.? Your personal safety is paramount.? If your company has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), you can start there.? The EAP is a confidential and professional service.? Call your local authorities for guidance if you do not wish to involve your company.? Do not do this on your own if you feel unsafe.? Better to have support and not need it than the reverse.

Pride

Pride: “A high opinion of yourself, or a feeling of importance, that you have some superiority and merit in and of your life.”? It is a feeling that you and what you do, are worth more than other people or their contributions.? When you have pride in your work, you are proud of it because of what it is and the fact that YOU achieved or produced it.? It would help if you had pride in your work, but being overly prideful is a deficit and not an asset.

Some people carry this prideful state of mind with them when they face truthful feedback.? And their emotional soul is on the line here.? So when they are honestly critiqued on their work, it is difficult not to feel a "stab in their heart" as the critic expresses their thoughts.? Because of this, they blame someone else for the outcome of a project, excuse themself due to some sickness they had, or say that they didn't put their "all" into something.? The truth is that they did their best, they were in good health, and there was nobody who had anything else to do with their project other than them, and blaming anything or anyone else simply is not factual.

And the reason for this is simple: we don’t like to feel bad about ourselves.? Most of us, even those who have the fa?ade of toughness, have a frail ego that takes umbrage to the counsel of others even when they are trying to be helpful.? Our pride gets in the way.? If we are honest?and put our pride aside, the truth comes much easier, as does self-improvement.

Manipulation

When someone tries to artfully change, influence, sway, or affect another person's opinion or mental position for their advantage, it's called manipulation.? Manipulation?is used to strengthen personal agendas such as getting attention, to "fit in," influence, avoid certain conversations, or "sell" something.? People only manipulate others for their own interests.

This is the act of saying something that is purely designed to get a desired reaction from the other person.? Whether it's truth or fiction is of no concern to the manipulator here, but what and how it is said makes all the difference.? For anyone who has been in a bar and watched people trying to make friends with the opposite sex, you have seen this a million times.? If you could somehow receive 10 cents for every lie told in an average bar on a Friday and Saturday night, I'm pretty sure you could buy a Maserati Gran Turismo for cash by Sunday morning.? It's almost humorous.

What isn't so funny is the manipulation that goes on in the workplace.? At work, many people think that telling the truth is only good if it helps them.? Manipulators think that if telling the truth will make you look bad, you should "pin the bad news" on someone else or not say anything.? After all, we don't believe that it's our fault.? The problem is it may be your fault, and when you don’t own up to it, and the truth comes out (like it always does), your integrity takes a hit, and your "trust account" is drastically diminished.? Once that happens, you will have a difficult time as a supervisor.? It's tough to work for someone known to be selfish, self-centered, or just plain greedy.

Lying to Yourself

This one is tough, but truth be known, we lie to ourselves.? Our pride, self-respect, or own emotional portrait suffers if we look at ourselves too objectively.? So, we tend to "cut ourselves some slack." But, looking from the outside and wearing a pair of "truth glasses," we might see something else.

We tell ourselves that:

·?????? I’ll stop eating cake and chips and start my diet next week.? (Why not now?)?

·?????? I can really stop drinking or smoking anytime I want…there just isn’t a need for that now.?

·?????? I'll spend more time with the family after getting the next promotion.? So I'll have more time for them then.

·?????? I can start preparing for my next career later – I still have five more years to go in this one.?

·?????? My spouse won’t care if I have a drink with my co-worker after work.?

·?????? I’ll be fine; I really don’t need to draw up my will right now.

·?????? I can start saving for my retirement fund later because we need the big screen TV now.

·?????? Just because I haven’t been to the doctor in three years, I don’t need to go to the doctor and get a physical – I feel fine.?

·?????? I don’t need to study for the qualifying exam for the next promotion – I’m good.

Yup.? This is us.? This is what we tell ourselves all the time, thinking that we don't need to do any of these things.? If you had a friend, a good friend, or a family member you cared about, and they told you they were thinking some of the things listed above, what would you say if they asked you for some honest?advice?? Nothing?? Would you look at them and say, "No.? You are doing fine.? Smoking and drinking are good for you"(?) or “Doctors are for sissies”(?)? NO, YOU WOULDN’T!? You know you would have some positive?suggestions to point them in a different direction.?

If your employees knew you were thinking some of the things listed above, would they believe you are setting a good example?? Probably not.? Yet when reversed and we see our employees with the same issues, we look at them under a totally different strobe light and find things they should be improving.? Sorry, folks, but this sounds a bit duplicitous.

How about this…if you think you might need to look closer at your own actions, do something about it now.? Start with talking with someone you trust to be honest?with you.? ?Ask them what they see in you, and then talk about it.? And if not now, when?? “Why not now?”? You can’t fix what you don’t address.

Negative aspects of not telling the truth

Let's take the example of Dave, who is a manager in a big production plant.? They produce seven different colors of widgets (I don't care what we are making here).? He has seven supervisors, each responsible for ensuring their people deliver 100 of their color widgets every month.? Every last Friday of the month, Dave has a meeting with his supervisors and asks them if they have, in fact, produced the minimum required.? It's important because the following Monday, the trucks will be loaded and rolling out of the plant at 3 pm to their clients.

On the last Friday of this month, he asks the question to each supervisor, and each one says, "Yes.? We have our 100."? The manager is happy.? He leaves the room thinking that all is well and that there will be money coming in from delivering these products, and their budget is great!

The truth is that two people in that room genuinely do have their minimum requirement met, and the rest are short by 2-6 widgets.? So, five people are lying, but these people would say they are not liars because they KNOW that between now and Monday at 3 pm, they will get the parts they need or have extra help come in or fix the two that broke or work some overtime to make their quota.? These people are what we call "prevaricators."? When you look up “prevaricator” in Webster's Dictionary, the definition of prevaricate is, "to deviate from the truth." If you look at Dictionary.com (the definition I prefer), the word prevaricator is, "One who speaks so as to avoid the precise truth," and this is where we go astray.? This is what the five people are doing here.? They are telling some part of the truth but omitting the part about “the last two or three widgets are presently in the works to be done by Monday.”? And we all know what happens: “Murphy’s Law” steps in.? The parts don't come in, or they can’t fix the two broken widgets, or the guys who were going to work overtime got sick, and the widgets don't get finished.? It happens.

When the manager finds all this out, he will go hunting for the responsible supervisors, and when he finds them, there will be a very lively, one-sided conversation!? Here is a phrase to remember:

“If you tell someone the bad news right away, the penalty is paid in ounces.? If the person finds out the bad news, later, on their own, the penalty is paid in tons.”

Positive aspects of telling the truth

First, When supervisors know the truth, they can actually do their job!? Simply put, supervisors cannot do their job if they don't know the whole truth.? They need to know it so they have a chance to fix an issue and prevent it from happening again.? They need to make decisions based on reality, not assumptions or promises.? Let's go back to the example I gave you about the colored widget production and how the supervisors were "creative" with their answers.? If they had told the truth at that meeting, the manager would have asked what kept them from producing the minimum, and when he found out, they could have worked together to fix the immediate problem and prevent it from happening again.? Isn't that better than going through the same disaster again the following month?

In addition, the upper management can make quality decisions with the truth and not assumptions that may or may not be accurate.? It's like writing a check for $350.00 to buy a new grill at the hardware store.? When you look at the balance in your checkbook, you need to know exactly what remains in your account.? If there is $285.00 in your account, you are probably not wise to write the $350.00 check for the grill.? But if someone else were responsible for monitoring your checkbook and told you that you had more than the required amount for the grill (but that was erroneous information) and you wrote the check? - bad things would happen.? Why?? Because someone gave you wrong information – and at that point, it doesn't matter if it was due to ignorance or a lie.? The result is the same.? This is a simplified example, but trust me, the premise is true regardless of what you are trying to purchase or the number of zeros in the checkbook.? As a supervisor, you need to know the truth to make quality decisions, and we need to do everything we can to ensure our subordinates feel comfortable telling us the truth.

Second, Trust?is a given!? When the truth binds you and those around you, trust is easily shared.? Your expectation becomes, "These people are truthful, and if they say it, I believe it.” Think of the last time you were on a great team in your workplace. ?Great teams are made up of people who are trustworthy, loyal, selfless, concerned for the common goal (task to be accomplished), and happy to share their knowledge for the good of the group.? In this type of environment, the truth is a matter of fact, which brings about the trust between members - and teams like this are hard to beat.

Pardon me as I relate a real-life example of this point.?

F-111?fighter squadrons comprised about 65 officers and 20 enlisted folks.? When it came to flying and accomplishing the mission, nothing less than the truth was accepted – regardless of rank or position.? Period.? If you were flight planning and were responsible for planning the physical route to be flown, you read all the "Notices to Airmen" and checked the weather before starting.? Anything that affected the route was your responsibility to find and notify the lead pilot so he could brief that information to the rest of the flight.? When you were finished with the route preparation, copies would be made for the rest of the flight.? The question, "Did you check everything for the route?" was seldom asked because when you said it was done, you told the whole truth.? The other fliers trusted you to have done your job.? Remember, people's safety was on the line here.? Does trust get any higher?? But that trust could not have been there if the truth wasn't a given.? You only lost that trust if you didn't tell the truth.? You had to purposefully "give it away," and nobody I knew did that.? That’s the environment we lived in.

Third, the company culture is solid!? When people are telling the truth (and this starts from the top) and employees believe what upper management is saying, your company becomes one large team, which is something to behold.? I have been to a few companies with a great company culture, and it is amazing.? You can feel it the minute you walk in the door.? People are happy to be there, the atmosphere feels "open," and nobody is afraid to speak their mind.? Now, there is more to company culture than just telling the truth, but without the truth, the chances of having a positive, effective, and long-lasting company culture is negligible.? Truth is the building block on which all else is built.? As a supervisor, you would do well to remember and foster that.

Fourth, Emotionally, those who continually tell the truth are at peace.? The argument you hear is that "If you tell the truth, you only have one story to remember."? True enough; however, there is much more to it than that.? When you are telling the truth, there is no need for complicated explanations…the truth is simply that, the truth.? You can't change, alter, reverse, substitute, or deny it.

Telling the truth is like saying, “The day after Sunday is Monday.” ??There is nothing you can do about it.? It's not good or bad; it's just the truth - so you take it for granted and move on.? Facts are facts.

Now, the explanation of how something came about is where the truth makes the difference.? If you were responsible for completing something and didn't, you own up to it and move on.? That's what someone who tells the truth does.? It's so much better than blaming everything and everyone else for not finishing your work.? By telling the truth, nobody has any emotional baggage about your actions, nor should they hold a grudge against you.? When you tell the truth, others aren't talking behind your back, and you keep your self-respect.? You will sleep better if you tell the truth every chance you get.?

Suggestions on how to tell the truth

In all three areas mentioned previously (fear, pride, and manipulation), we may find it difficult to tell the truth to someone.? Again, the largest percentage of the difficulty comes from the fear segment.? It's difficult to start a sentence that may hurt someone's feelings or bring on disappointment, but the truth is, it needs to be said.? Let’s talk about the three situations to see how we can approach and slay this demon.

Fear

Again, there are several reasons why we fear telling someone the truth, but by now, I hope you realize that telling the truth is a must.? For a supervisor to do anything less is unacceptable, which means speaking with people either up or down the chain of command.? Everyone deserves the truth, and we shouldn't respect anyone more than the other when it comes to telling the truth.? The best way to do this is to "prep them" and then tell them.

Example 1:

You have done something incorrectly, and it will cost your division some money out of your budget for this year.? It will mean one of your projects will be in jeopardy.? It's your fault.? You get an appointment with your manager and are now in his office.? Everyone knows their manager, to some degree, and your approach may be slightly different, but here are some optional words you can use after you have gone through the small talk about the weather, etc.:

"As you know, we have been going over our budget for this year, and except for one program, I think we'll be fine.? Unfortunately, it seems I made an error in my calculations, which now makes project "X" a challenge, if not impossible.? I’d like to show you the calculations and see if you see the same thing I do.”?

So, there it is, the truth is out in the open, and now you want to show this to your expert manager and see if he can help, advise, or just verify your findings.? If you bring this to your manager as soon as you recognize it, you have done everything you can.? We are hoping the "penalty will be paid in ounces" here.? If you were to hold on to this little piece of information for another six months and then break it to the manager, he would now be displeased with you for two reasons: 1.? The miscalculation, in and of itself; and 2.? The fact you didn't tell him previously when he could have helped you!? Never mind all the anxiety you went through for the six months thinking about what will happen when he finds out, or you finally tell him!

Example 2:

James has been an excellent intern over the last six months and hopes to be picked up by your company.? His work has proven him to be a good prospect; however, there has been a rapid reorganization, and the intern program for your division is no longer available.? James will have to leave.? He is your guy, and it's up to you to break the news to him.? After you go through the typical conversational chatter, you start what you know will be tough for him: the termination procedure.

"James, I think you are a great asset to this company, and you have continued to show remarkable progress over the last six months.? You are intelligent, proactive and work great with your team members.? As you know, the company requires me to evaluate your work, and I know you will be proud of the 6-month evaluation I have written on what you have accomplished.? And as you are probably aware, this company is in the throes of a painful reorganization.? Unfortunately, this reorganization has done away with our intern program, which you are a part of.? Regrettably, with this change in our policy, the truth is that the position you presently hold will be removed, and I'm sad to say your internship will end here in two weeks."?

You will see words similar to these when we talk about "Difficult Conversations" because this is exactly what we are having here.? Still, the point is that the truth is being told by preparing the person and then tactfully telling them the bad news the best way you know how. Of course, this is also entirely out of your hands, unlike when you may have to terminate someone for cause, which is very much in your hands.? But the words will be close because everything you say will be the truth.?

Example 3:

You have been working with Steve, a co-worker, for over 18 months and are reasonably good friends.? On Monday, Steve asked you if you would like to go to lunch with him on Thursday at 11:30 am.? You don't even think twice about it and say, "Yes.? That would be great!" And the day goes on.? A few days later, you go to work, and as you are sitting at your desk eating the ham and cheese sandwich, your wife made you for lunch, the phone rings, and you answer it.? Of course, it's Steve, and he says, "Hey man, where are you?"? Your brain goes blank for a minute, and then your eyes shoot toward the wall clock. It reads 12:10 pm, and your mind jumps into overdrive – it's Thursday!? You forgot!? "Steve, I'm so…….." but he's not there anymore.? He hung up.? So, when you see him, you could come across with seven great excuses about why you weren't there…couldn't you?? Or you could tell him the truth.? Here is where friendship is tested.? Here is an option for you: first, it is done in person.? Not on the phone, or by an email, or by some stupid text.? This is face-to-face.??

After you get his attention, "Steve, I owe you an apology – and a big one.? I don't have a good excuse for why I forgot our date for lunch, and I am so sorry about it.? It doesn't make any difference how busy I was; I should have written it down and remembered.? It was my fault, and it's on me.? I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me for it."?

There it is – the truth with no excuses.? The honesty of those statements screams the truth.? Hopefully, your friend will take that for what it is – the truth.? And now he knows you will tell him anything, and if you happen to be late again, and if you tell him the boss drug you into his office because he needed to talk with you, your friend will believe that because he genuinely trusts you.? It was worth the anticipated pain of telling the truth.

Pride

It's easier than you think when it comes to telling the truth in this category.? It comes down to knowing who you are and not trying to manipulate people to believe you are anything else than a person trying hard to be good at their job.? If either your boss or your subordinates come up to you and ask if you can do something you know you cannot accomplish, then you can say something like, “Gee, I’m glad you think that much of me, but I don’t think I have the capacity to do that, but I can certainly help you to get it done.” If someone comes to you and asks, “Would you like some feedback?”? Your answer to that question will always be, "Yes, thank you," regardless of who the person is.? You can then adjudicate the information received based on the experience of the feedback giver later.? When you answer people like this, you have gone from prideful to humble in one giant step, and it means the world to those who work with you.

Manipulation

We have all seen it or been a victim of it. But, in an argument, this is one of the first weapons people pull out of their arsenal to win.? People will say almost anything as long as they get what they want, and there is no concern for the other person involved.

The best defense you have to prevent yourself from slipping into this mode is to be honest?and forthright with whomever you are working with.? It's hard to be manipulative if you are open to telling the truth.? Stop trying to "make" someone do something strictly for your benefit or because you told them to do it.? If you are truly in the business of helping others, you will get what you want as well.? Dale Carnage points this out several times in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

In the long run, manipulating people will ruin friendships or camaraderie with anyone you work with because sooner or later, they will figure it out, and when they do, not only will you have the title "supervisor," but they will give you another title, and that is, "Phony."? From then on, you are doomed.

What do you do? (When someone lies to you)

So, you have a feeling (or you know) that someone is lying?to you; what do you do?? It’s a tricky question and situation.? Do you call them out on the lie?? Forget about it?? Tell others that this person isn’t truthful?? Don’t trust them ever again?? Fire them?

We have talked about why people lie, how to tell the truth and the advantages of telling the truth.? After all that, we should know why this person is fabricating or adjusting the truth to their benefit.? Maybe they are afraid of the consequences, or they are prideful, or any one of the other situations that drive people to lie.? It would serve you well to think that through first before making your next move.

Options: You could:

·?????? Do nothing

·?????? Call them on the lie as soon as it passes their lips

·?????? Suggest your inability to understand what was just said

·?????? Let them know your confusion because you know other facts

·?????? Invite them into your office privately for a conversation on the subject

These options all have pros and cons, as you can imagine, but make no mistake about it: this is a decision you must make.? And it will have ramifications.? Let's briefly look at them – and then, as the situation occurs, you can choose which one seems to fit best.

The disclaimer I'll add is if you are going to do something, know what your obligations are to the company and the company policy on this matter.? What authority and legal options do you have?? Yes, this is another trip down to the HR folks unless you have read the company handbook and know it by heart.? As a supervisor, you need to know the potential before you act.

Do nothing

Yes, just let it go.? Doesn't matter.? Not important.? Nobody cares.? It's not worth getting into.? This person is just pumping up their ego, and they are only making themselves look foolish.? And maybe that's the truth.? The question to ask is, "Does this happen once in a while, or is it an ongoing pattern?"? Then it becomes a question of, "Do I want to put up with this all the time?" Or, "Is this person worth having on the team?"

Call them on the lie as soon as it passes their lips

You can hit them right between the eyes and say, "That's not true." But, of course, you would only say that if you positively knew the facts.? In private, it's just the two of you, but there is more to it in any other situation.? You have made your point, and depending on the circumstances, you may have crucified your "liar" in front of everyone.? If that was your intent – you won.? But what did you win?? Bragging rights in the office?? Proof that you are superior to your opponent?? That you can't be fooled?? You are in charge?

You may have all those accolades, but while publicly punishing your liar, you have lost an ally, shown everyone else your temperament, made more people uncomfortable than not, and ostracized any of the liar's friends.? So, if you desire all these consequences, then fire away.? However, you will deal with all the fallout from this action.? Something to think about: Is this a "team" enhancer?

Suggest your inability to understand what was just said

You hear what you thought to be a falsehood, and you come back with, "I'm sorry.? I'm not sure I understand.? What did you say?" You are giving this person another chance to perhaps come up with a truthful?comment rather than what he just said.? Give them a chance to say it differently so you can lock onto a correct statement, which you will then acknowledge and understand.? Then you apologize for not keeping up and missing the point or some such phrase you create.? If the person repeats the untruth, you might move on to the next option…

Let them know your confusion (because you know other facts)

Depending on the situation, this one can go hand-in-hand with the previous one if need be – or a stand-alone.? When they come out with something that you know is untrue and needs to be corrected, give them the old, "Really?? I must have gotten some wrong information.? I was told…" or "I read…" or " or " where ever you retrieved your information.? The inference here is that you are confused about the information you just heard vs. something else you heard or read.? The truth of the matter is you probably know the truth, and you are giving your liar a chance to correct his story before you move on.? If they don't back down on their story, you can say one of two things.? 1.? "Okay, I'll have to do some more research on that before I make a decision."? Or, "Okay.? Do me a favor and find where that is written so I can compare that information with what I heard (or have)."? Either way, the truth is coming out one way or another.? And they would be good to find it first and bring it to your attention.

Invite them into your office privately for a conversation on the subject

Last but certainly not least, you invite the person into your office for a private chat.? Here, you simply (and politely) ask where the information came from and then correct it with what you know to be true.? You inform them that it's always nice to hear the truth from anyone at any level.? Perhaps a hint as to how much easier it is for you to make decisions when you are working with a solid foundation rather than an "exaggerated" position.? This is their chance to apologize for the breach of truth and let you know they will never let that happen again. Of course, you will then tell them that it's nothing that can't be fixed, and you trust them to be a "straight shooter" from here on out.? But in reality, you will find that difficult to do for some time.? Not forever.?

Final thoughts

As supervisors or managers, we cannot work well without knowing the truth.? That is an axiom.? The problem is fostering an environment where the truth can be told without retaliation or punishment?- and you will be responsible for developing this environment. Again, your example will speak volumes.? The truth you tell, how you react to the truth when it is told to you, how you deal with clients or customers, and how transparent you are all make a difference.

Perhaps when people come into our group or team, we should immediately address this "truth" thing. So, for example, instead of telling people, "Don't lie to me," we should say, "Just tell me the whole truth."? The latter statement is much more inclusive because, as you have seen, some people will reason that if they tell you part of the truth – they didn't lie.? But when you ask them to tell you "the whole truth," by definition, it must include every part of the truth.

Nothing good happens when we don’t tell the truth.? Our co-workers (boss or subordinates) lose trust in us, family members don’t trust us, the company culture self-destructs, we suffer from self-inflicted stress, and our clients find someplace else to get their products or services.? Like so many other things, telling the truth is a choice.? I hope it’s an obvious one for you.

?

?