Truth and Kindness: Leaders Conundrum!

A conflict that most leaders often face in their journey is choosing between being kind or truthful. We all know what the two words mean.It is more complex than it seems, and the problem is difficult.

Gandhi in South Africa threatened to throw his young wife out of the home because she refused to fall in line and clean the toilets. Here was a Gandhi who valued truth more than anything else, so much so that he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness. (Watch the brilliant scene from the movie Gandhi) As Gandhi aged and saw human suffering in India, he seemed to veer towards Kindness and an extreme form of sacrifice. Looking back, he seems to have been weak in today's context. Was he??

Being truthful is perilous. One can be seen as harsh and unyielding, a problem for many leaders. It is easier to choose Kindness, particularly in politics, where power matters.?"Satyameva Jayate"?(Sanskrit: ????????????Satyam- a jayate; "Truth alone triumphs.") is a?mantra?from the ancient Hindu scripture?Mundaka Upanishad.?Upon independence, it was chosen as India's national motto. It is inscribed in script at the base of the national emblem. As a nation, we seem to have selected truth above all else and rightly so.

So, how do leaders deal with these conflicting pressures in times of great stress and unyielding anxiety? Can there be a choice? What is more critical of the two in the long term?

Maybe we should look at the Roman philosopher and emperor Marcus Aurelius, who, in about 180 CE, wrote in his fascinating diaries ( Meditations ). To be clear those were hostile time. Marcus was not necessarily very kind but he certainly was a thinker.

?"Kindness is unconquerable, so long as it is without flattery or hypocrisy. What can the most insolent man do to you if you contrive to be kind to him, and if you have the chance, gently advise and calmly show him what is right...and point this out tactfully and from a universal perspective. But you must not do this with sarcasm or reproach, but lovingly and without anger in your soul."?

The truth can often be chancy. The noble prince Yudhishtra lies to his Guru Dronacharya in the Mahabharata. He lies about his Gruru's son's death to win the great war. Dronacharya believes and lays down his arms, as Yudhishtra is not known to be untruthful! The prince was neither truthful nor kind. Yudhishtra stands shamed and castigated for eternity.

Expediency matters in a pressure cooker situation, as most leaders realize. The choice is challenging for leaders, but who said leadership is easy? This is something that most of us need to figure out for ourselves. In extreme cases, you can have people who are both unkind and untruthful. Those that come to mind are barbarians like Chengez Khan, Adolf Hitler and Pol Pot. Impoverished leaders that you certainly do not want to encounter in any walk of life!