Truth and Its Impact on a Healthy Relationship

Taymour Miri

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The questions addressed in this article are as follows:

• What is truth?
• Why do we lie?
• What is the difference between honesty and truth?

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What is Truth?

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At Toshiba Corporation, many executives, including the CEO, resigned in an act of responsibility against systematic deception. The article stated: "In this company, employees were under immense pressure to achieve results, which led them to feel compelled to conform to inappropriate standards."

A definition of truthfulness: "Truthfulness in thoughts, words, and actions, along with acknowledging universal truths and expressing oneself with full awareness and preparedness of mind and body."

An example of a universal truth: Enthusiastic followers seek genuine leaders—leaders who always speak the truth.

Self-leadership means recognizing these universal truths at every moment, being reliable, and being sensitive enough to speak the truth, even when facing direct criticism or intense emotions. These skills, which help in managing criticism and overwhelming feelings, can be developed. Acquiring such skills through a suitable development program, such as a Life Coach Certification, is entirely possible and enhances one’s credibility.

One of the main reasons a person is not entirely trustworthy is a lack of courage. Courage enables us to become trustworthy—one must first be brave to gain credibility.

When we earn credibility, we align with ourselves: our minds and voices, our hearts and actions—all in unity. We do not criticize ourselves or feel the need for everything to follow a set rule. As a result, truth becomes a byproduct of being trustworthy. People can recognize your misalignment from miles away. They may not know how to react to it, but they certainly feel it.

When people claim to tell things as they are, their words may be mere personal interpretations rather than the truth!

Truth is what it is, and it may not always be kind; it simply "is" and carries no additional energy. We place interpretation alongside this reality, making truth-telling difficult for some—both in speaking and hearing it.

"Truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is." —Winston Churchill

Why Do We Lie?

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Lying allows a person to manipulate a situation to gain an advantage. It serves as a (seemingly) defensive mechanism, preventing vulnerability—meaning the individual does not have to share emotions or reveal their true self to others.

By doing so, they avoid the risk of rejection, criticism, or disappointing others. For someone deeply insecure, such rejection is unbearable. When a person lies and is rejected, they feel there was a reason for it. Comparatively, when someone expresses emotions and is rejected, they feel deeply unappreciated, which negatively affects their self-esteem.

Sometimes, individuals unconsciously recreate early life dynamics. Their deceptive behavior—whether through lying or forcing others to scrutinize and doubt them—may stem from past experiences. In other words, they do not know how to connect with people in different ways. For instance, those who grew up with angry parents may have built a world for themselves, often lying to themselves or developing a habit of deceiving others. This defensive mechanism, as mentioned earlier, expands within them.

Additionally, people often lie to avoid difficult situations, suppressing feelings of guilt, depression, sadness, and anxiety. A weak self (low self-confidence) struggles to carry such emotions.

Lying allows individuals to avoid confronting overwhelming feelings in the short term. However, suppressing emotions and thoughts into the unconscious is not a solution; in the long run, it affects us—this is unavoidable and forms the foundation of psychoanalytic therapy.

Fear of hurting or offending someone is another common reason for lying. Some people find it extremely difficult to bear the feeling of disappointing or hurting others. This can be considered a selfish reason, as it revolves around self-protection rather than taking responsibility for causing distress. Usually, the victim wants to know the truth, no matter what.

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The Difference Between Honesty and Truth

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Honesty means expressing one’s feelings and opinions accurately. Truth means representing reality accurately.

The difference between truth and honesty confuses people. A person may be completely honest yet entirely inaccurate. For example, a schizophrenic individual may sincerely express their fear of a figure standing in the corner of a room, while in reality, there is no such figure.

Confusing honesty with truth makes us more susceptible to deception—especially when our honest opinions align with those of others. For example, if your child insists, "But he started it!" and fully believes it, they are honest. However, is their statement true? No, your child was the one who started the trouble. You may not want to believe it and instead say, "But my child is telling the truth!" as if they truly did not initiate the conflict, when in reality, they did.

Why do we mistake truth for honesty when we agree with someone? We assume we are being objective. When we agree with people who share our views, we assume they must also be unbiased—and therefore aligned with the truth.

It is easy to mistake enthusiasm and excitement for honesty, especially when using rhetorical language and captivating gestures. Simply saying, "No, I swear! I really mean it. I am absolutely sure," can make one seem sincere even when they are not.

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The Connection Between Truth, Trust, and Respect in Relationships

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Lying is harmful because the other person eventually realizes you are lying—or have lied repeatedly. Regardless of how significant or insignificant the lie may be, it affects their trust in you.

Similarly, if they understand the reason behind your lying—such as insecurity or low self-esteem—their overall perception of you and the respect they hold for you changes.

In general, when someone is straightforward and presents themselves transparently, others are more accepting of their flaws. In other words, these individuals own their imperfections. For us humans, this is often an admirable quality. Additionally, acknowledging our weaknesses and mistakes, and bringing them to light, is liberating.

Ultimately, truth begins with self-leadership. As we get to know ourselves better, we realize that everyone is on their own journey of growth and development. This transformation cycle starts with taking responsibility for what we can control and freeing ourselves from inner dialogues and interpretations that do not serve us. We must act with the support and resources available to us, ensuring that we express ourselves truthfully, as if speaking about our own behavior and experiences.

The cycle of change and transformation is precisely what coaching is designed for—for those ready to embark on this journey toward what matters most to them. A Life Coach Certification program can be a valuable tool in this process, helping individuals develop the necessary skills to navigate truth, trust, and self-awareness effectively.

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Taymour Miri is an ICF master coach and a Gallup certified strengths coach and more recently one of the first 136 coaches world wide to be awarded an Advanced Certificate in Team Coaching. He has 30 years’ experience in leadership roles and 20 years of experince in coaching. Taymour has trained over 1,500 coaches across five continents and is the founder of International Coaching Education (ICE).