Truth

We know when we hear it. We sure know when we don’t. 

Conveying it without brutality however, is a skill worth cultivating. It’s not acceptable to simply vomit truth bombs on others without any regard for that person’s feelings, experiences or context, and doing so in the name of truth isn’t a good enough reason. 

How then can we ensure we are known for being a speaker of the truth in a way that magnetizes others rather than repels? 

Sales people and sales leaders garner trust from highlighting truths to their clients and team members when done well. Some get it so right. Others crash and burn, with no other option but to walk away from a now unsalvageable relationship. Don’t let that be you.  Whether you’re a sales leader or a sales executive, there are some things that will hold you in good stead:

1. Be clear about your intention
2. Communicate understanding of their world first
3. State your intention, how you’re feeling about sharing this and what about this truth makes it important to share with the person
4. Hold space as you listen to understand their response
5. Walk the road from there with them

Be clear about your intention

I can’t stress this enough. It requires of us a level of self awareness that is also honest. Truth isn’t just about what we say to others, but what we say to ourselves. Are we being honest with ourselves about our motives? If we search the corners of our intention, do we find a speck of righteous indignation? Do we see a desire to take someone down a peg or two? Are we acting out of ego, perhaps by wanting to be first with the truth? If there is a hint of any of these, delay…abort….cease and desist. Wait at the very least. It will come out wrong, spill over sideways and cause more harm than exists right now.

If however, you are clear that while telling the truth in this situation is difficult it’s also the right thing to do, you can be sure then that knowing the truth gives the person an opportunity to fix/act in a way that is helpful to them. Leaving it unsaid will cause greater harm. On a small scale, telling someone that the spinach they ate for lunch is on their teeth before they make a presentation is better than telling them after the presentation! On a larger scale, having a conversation about behaving unethically and why a warning system is now in place is better than waiting for the next unethical behaviour before issuing it. For everyone.

Communicate your understanding of their world first

Until someone knows you care, they don’t care about what you know….or so the saying goes. Demonstrating that you have positive regard for the person’s situation across many different aspects including its impact on them, their capability or their behaviour shows you are aware of external factors contributing to the situation. It creates a smoother landing strip for the truth plane.

State your intention

For example: “Mary we’re meeting today because I want you to hear it from me first. We have a strong relationship, and while that’s enormously important to us both, it’s also what makes what I’m about to tell you all the more difficult. You already know from our last 2 monthly reviews that your pipeline doesn’t have enough in it to generate your target. This is unsustainable as I’m sure you understand, and action needs to be taken from today so that our next conversation isn’t about the commercial viability of your role. My intention is by having this conversation we can find a way forward together because I believe this is fixable. Does that make sense?”

Holding the space as you listen to understand.

This is important as it enables the person to not only feel listened to, understood and heard by you it also enables them to hear themselves as they speak. Listen for the truths and the untruths as they share. Using clean language back ensures you do “get it” and they feel “gotten”. Clarify with questions that require specifics and examples. Untruths can hide in generalisations, but not specifics as easily. Not for most people.

For example: “So tell me why we’re having this discussion a third month in a row, after reassuring me you’ll fix it? Help me to understand what’s really going on so we can root out the underlying cause and turn it around…So, when you say that, what specifically makes you say that? Can you give me an example of a time when you…..?”

Make notes. Relay back their words to them. Ask what else you need to know.

Walk the road back to reality with them

Support of course. Support for truthful action and redress. Use accountability as the agreement forward. Support with checkpoints. You’re there as they fix this. You’re there to support them implement the fix, not to justify a continuation of status quo. Very different.

“Hmm. Okay. Mary I’m glad you’re keen to fix this. What can you do from today? How can I support you? How often should we check in with each other to ensure you stay on track? What else will help with that?”

Truth. Not a Big Dave bombing small children out of the swimming pool truth bomb but rather a Greg Louganis slip into reality. One is untrained, the other highly disciplined.  

Absolutely worth it.