The Truth About Influencing

As we come to realize we are all one shared being as described in the teachings of the great wisdom traditions and current science, we realize we are always being influenced and influencing. How could we not??

Sometimes I use this metaphor. Imagine a stew with carrots, potatoes, onions, garlic and so on.?

The taste of each of those vegetables is altered by them all being mixed together. And that is the purpose of the stew!?

This OneBeing we are is like the stew – everything and everyone is influencing everyone and everything at all times. That naturally occurs.

How might that understanding impact the way we lead organizations? Our lives, families, communities?

There are books about how to influence others. They have their place.?

By definition, we?already are?influencing others – all the time.

Still not sure? The next time you have a conversation with someone, notice what you feel, learn, think about during that conversation. You are being influenced. The same is happening with the other person.

People are influenced not just by you, but by everything else: other people in the room, what happened 10 minutes ago, what they’re thinking about the future, the picture they see across the room, the lighting, their aching back, on and on.?

That’s useful to remember so that we aren’t overestimating our ability to influence.?

The question I used to ask of clients who wanted to be better at influencing others to accomplish their agenda was, “What feeling quality or experience do you want the other person or group to feel?” Then we would design a practice that would help the person embody that feeling. We might also talk about what language to use.?

All of that was based on the idea of developing the person to “be a better version of themselves.”?

This actually separates us from our selves.??

Why? By implication we are saying there is something to change about us. There is not. We focus on “doing” something to get somewhere. That takes us further away from our true selves.?

We are just as we “should” be in this moment. How is that? Because that is how we are in this moment!?

The harmony that is the Universal symphony in this moment needs you to be just as you are.

So instead of focusing on what we might change about ourselves, we can remind ourselves who we truly are, the essence of which is peace, happiness, fulfillment and love. Imagine: whatever it is that you want to influence, if you’re coming from that deep embodied living of those … .??

I think that if we express ourselves from that place, no matter whom we want to influence, no matter the topic, we probably can’t “do” any better than that.?

Even if it’s "tough love."

When we realize who we truly are, we naturally are more open, present, listening, engaging, curious, i.e., all the ways of being that most books on influence encourage.?

And we don’t have to learn anything or become anything; we already are all that.?Over time, it becomes more natural to stop placing our attention on the thoughts that don’t align with that knowing.?

Why? Because we no longer identify with ourselves as a separate being that needs to protect itself or always get what it wants. We have freed ourselves to authentically express. We trust.?

Rumi, a Sufi master and Persian poet wrote:?

“Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.”

Where do you start?

If you haven’t yet, read?Being Aware of Being Aware, by Rupert Spira.

And/or begin with self-inquiry. To know who you essentially are requires investigation. We can’t learn ABOUT who we are and?do something?to become who we are. We already are who we are; we just have hidden it from ourselves. So, we must investigate. That means turning our focus away from objects, activities, circumstances, people and substances as well as thinking! Yes, turn our focus AWAY from our thoughts – which are other objects that get our attention and take us away from knowing ourselves. Not knowing ABOUT ourselves, but intimately?knowing?ourselves.?

You can use a simple question: Am I aware – of reading this, sounds, thoughts, feelings, other people? You will probably say, “Yes.”?

Now notice that you are aware that you were aware. You were able to say you were aware – you had to be aware of being aware to say that.?

Sit with these two “steps” until?in your experience?you know that you are aware and aware that you are aware.?

Now allow yourself to rest in the latter. Experience the vast, open, empty space of awareness that you are. Return throughout the day until this “sinks” in. You are on your way!

You begin to influence?naturally?in the ways you always truly wanted to.