The TRUTH of Conflict

I don’t belief that anyone truly likes conflict, you know when there are real or perceived differences between the way you feel about something and the way others see it. It can start with almost nothing. A simple disagreement, different viewpoint, or perspective. If not controlled or adverted, it can soon grow into a ranging fire that consumes everything in its path.

For this article, we will address only the mild, occasional spat that comes from disagreement about a subject. Conflict in this sense refers to situations in which two or more sides appear to be pulling or pushing in opposing directions. If the participants stay calm and friendly, we might refer to their way of dealing with the conflict as?shared problem-solving. If tensions emerge or?anger?escalates, the terms?arguments?or?fights?may be a better fit.

In a world with so many differences of opinion, perspectives, and individual truths it is truly a wonder that we do not have more conflict than we usually do. Conversations are often the cause of these disputes. Without the necessary skills to have a “conversation” to explore various aspects of a subject, conflict is almost inevitable. Many have lost the “fine art” of conversations because we do not practice it enough. Texting or tweeting, emails or other social media break down face-to-face conversations and require little real effort.

Somehow you can almost feel it when conflict is about to occur. There is an atmosphere of tension, of anticipation, and of self-preservation. Everyone wants to be right, and few like to be challenged. What is true for me is true and it should also be for you. We do not like to be challenged by what we think or believe.

?In her book, The Triangle of TRUTH, Lisa Earle Mcleod talks about our and/or instincts and our innate inability to see that our relationship with others should try to encompass their viewpoints and perspectives. This indicates that our TRUTH and their TRUTH can be one and the same, common ground is possible if you seek it before allowing conflict to arise.? The important distinction here is that understanding and seeing another person’s perspective does not mean that you must give up belief in yours. You just need to bend it to allow other things to be true also.

The first step is recognition that there is a problem to be solved. Often this is the most difficult part, as obvious as it may seem. All sides must state what they believe to be true and what they think must be done. The second step is to explore the underlying concerns. Everyone must move away from the actions they believe must be taken to the factors that have motivated the initial conflict. Concerns?are desires, fears, and other factors that matter to you in each situation. The final opportunity is to state all the concerns and offer specific modifications that can create a common solution. This becomes a plan of action to resolve the conflict.

The resolution will, most likely, differ completely from either of the initial positions if it is constructed correctly. That is, the solution is a “win-win”—not because one or both of them "got their way," but because the solution was responsive to the?underlying concerns?of both of them.

No, conflict resolution is never that simple to resolve but these same three steps form the basis that can work in almost any situation. The real solution depends upon collaborative dialogue plus cooperative conflict resolution skills.

Conflict is a common and inevitable part of life. Finding ways to deal with them are an essential skill that can produce agreement, cooperation, problem solving, and resolution of deep seated feelings.