The Truth About Coaching: A Real Talk.

To me, the problem with coaching and all those ‘Tony Robbins’ types of professionals is that they are FLAWED in one major way. They promote individualism and the mindset of pursuing YOUR goals. In that, we lose connection. In that loss of connection with others and the merits of selflessness in the true meaning of it – we also lose happiness. The very thing that we are after with coaching at the end of the day.”

• A snippet of a recent conversation with a close friend. Accomplished, open-minded. Business savvy. Part of a family unit and a parent.

Coaching has been the single, most productive mechanism for finding my way out of a rut. Out of depression. Out of questioning “was that it?”. It was a process of self-development and self-discovery which cannot be substituted with anything else, because everything I learned through it, I also had to apply. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows but it changed my life, dare I say – for the better!

• The perspective of a now practicing coach and one of the very best I’ve seen.

Thank you for all that you’ve done for me. I wouldn’t have been where I am today without the coaching we’ve had.

• A snippet from a conversation with a client.

It was useful to a certain extend. Not ground breaking. I knew all of that already. It was just nice, you know. Not something I feel made a massive difference.

• A snippet from a conversation with a friend whom I’ve encouraged to work with a coach.

I feel like I have definitely achieved one major thing. I am calmer. I know what needs to be my focus and my client engagements have definitely improved by applying active listening.

• A client from a corporate I serve as an internal coach.

I don’t really see a difference. I haven’t really spoken to him/her recently to be honest as they have just cracked on with their work and that’s it. But I guess they need more coaching, right? It doesn’t work immediately surely.

• The line manager of the same client above.

From the examples above you can get a sense of the complexity around how coaching truly affects individuals, their performance, their emotions, and how difficult it is to measure results based on perspectives.

In an ideal situation, one would want to reduce the “noise” and focus on the specific, visible, measurable, and traceable results from coaching. Even if it is “simply” an improvement in emotion, we can still measure that. However, the reality is that we live in a fast-paced world, where scientific, proper measurements are catching up to reality with a delay. They, on their own, require effort, investment, consistency, planning, and correct execution. The only people who truly have an interest in investing all of that into measuring the success of coaching are coaches who want to show you positive outcomes.

One way or another we are facing a conundrum.

Biased organizations and coaches can and do perform studies; other private or public organizations cannot spend the time and effort on fully (if at all) implementing and tracking coaching; individuals (coaching clients) are evaluating the practice based on their subjective views.

So, what’s the truth about coaching?

There are hundreds of scientific publications on the topic and they all come to somewhat the same conclusion...

Coaching is a psychological practice, within the domain of the so-called ‘positive psychology'. It utilizes known to work psychological models and tools that help individuals to perform better and feel better. Those tools and models form the base of coaching and they are known to work for the general population.

In other words, the components of coaching have been empirically tested and have proved as successful in the majority of cases when they were applied. The same are also anything but innovative or new as far as psychology is concerned. On the contrary, we are talking about established approaches that have been around since the 40s and 50s, and some from even earlier decades.

They have, however, moved from the realm of psychology for those who are either professionals in the field (psychologists) or interested parties (leaders, teachers, business people, etc.) to the realm of the “general public” – you and I.

Their usefulness and straightforward application make them easy to understand on one hand, and on the other – working (aka improving the situation) in real, practical terms.

The growth of the profession is one of the main and most reliable indicators of its actual value. In pursuit of answers and in adapting to the ever-changing world around us, many start to find answers for themselves through coaching. It’s no longer for the business gurus or psychologists. It’s become for those “who want to work on themselves”. The "aware ones". The "conscious ones". The "more open-minded".

This narrative of who coaching is for and whom are the people practicing it is also starting to change with time of course. From serving "the almost special ones", it’s definitively transitioning into - "for everyone because it’s a necessity".

Whether or not coaching in itself and as a term is a necessity is questionable at best, but the skills and abilities it develops – I'd have to agree – are already, largely a necessity.

What are those “skills and abilities” that coaching builds and can you get them somewhere else?

From the latter to the former – the majority of it you can learn and develop from different places and contexts. Be it life events, work, or education – we can get significant knowledge and abilities related to who we are, how we connect with the rest of the world, and what we want to do with the time we have called ‘our lives'.

Coaching, on the other hand, is a choice of making this happen on purpose. It’s a choice to gain perspectives, to deepen our understandings, to develop towards a better human being, and to acquire insights meant for us in a way that’s deliberate.

The skills and abilities that the process builds are hence diverse because they involve certain specificities that each individual brings to the table. Nevertheless, the list, based on what’s observed in the general population, could go something like this:

1. The ability and skill to evaluate, question, and change our own beliefs.
2. The ability and skill to be open about different perspectives on purpose and with more grace.
3. The ability and skill to structure our own thoughts and deal successfully with situations that would otherwise feel overwhelming.
4. The ability and skill to notice changes in our emotional states and understand the information this gives us.
5. The ability and skill to listen to others without carrying our own agenda.
6. The ability and skill of setting goals and managing our motivation when facing difficulties.
7. The ability and skill of prioritizing.
8. The ability and skill of noticing our own resistance to change and succeeding a little more in accepting and welcoming it in our lives.
9. It enables us to start taking responsibility for what happens to us and around us in a positive way.
10. Finally, coaching is the stepping stone to deeper connectedness to others, ourselves, and the world in general. (on the contrary to what perhaps some understand as coaching as we can see in the first quote example shared by my good friend).

So, is coaching to avoid? Or perhaps it’s just a ‘Nah' towards which we don’t have any strong feelings? Or maybe it’s the “must-have” of our time?

Our verdict is that as an INDIVIDUAL, you have to educate yourself about coaching and follow your own needs, rational motivations, and instinct. If you feel it could be useful – you should book a session and explore the benefits. It’s your choice and not a must-have.

If you are reading this and thinking of the practical application in ORGANISATIONS, however, we believe it’s the “must-have” of our time, because pressures, expectations, and requirements from individuals change quickly and deepen the need for those 10 skills and beyond. A ‘coaching culture’ would result in monetary and economic benefits for your organization if you invest the right effort.

Context matters in all coaching interactions and that’s why choosing the right professional(s) for your setting is one of the keys to successful results.

This article is courtesy to the executive team at ILC International

I hope you found it valuable!

Contact Valentina or the team at their home (www.ilc.one)