The Truth About Being "Authentic"

Most people agree it's good to be authentic. But is it possible to feel more authentic through conformity?

What is Authenticity?

I found three definitions of authentic and authentic self. One said it’s representing one’s true nature, beliefs, values, or idiosyncratic traits; true to oneself. Another said it's not false or copied; genuine; real. A final said that to be authentic means not caring what others think about you.

I can see a few problems if everyone were to act on those three definitions. For example--

• Your coworker is a nasty, mean, negative person. Do you want to be around that personality, even if it is authentic?
• Your partner is an introvert while you're an extrovert. Can you imagine going home after work each day to sit in authentic silence until bedtime?
• Your child had been diagnosed with a condition that experts call being a slob. Would you be okay with your son's authentic pigsty were his mess to spread from his bedroom to every room in the house?

Those living on the extreme side of authenticity often fight against societal norms, established order, and rules in general. Extreme authenticity without regard for others looks more like a collection of anarchists than a civilization. I doubt any would defend the 3,000-4,000 active serial killers living in the world at any time by saying, "Oh, that's just so HIM! It's just his way."

Authenticity Isn't Just Doing Your Own Thing

Being your authentic self is about living out your core values in ways that enrich more lives than just your own.

Being Eccentric Is More Than Okay

My wardrobe is 90% black; you prefer Hello Kitty clothing. I eat dinner at 5PM; you don't even think about supper until after 8. I will not stop for gas if it requires me to make a left-hand turn into a gas station; you eat pizza with a fork and knife. Consider these as our individual quirks, ones that are "value neutral," neither right nor wrong. They're just unique quirks.

My friend David Rendall says,

"What makes us weird makes us wonderful!"

He should know. Standing at over 6'6", dressing in bright pink, and running in several ultra-marathons and triathlons, he's hard to miss. The easiest way to blend into the surroundings is to try to copy everyone else. So be idiosyncratic. Be weird. Be your own person. But adhere to one caveat: harm no one in the process. In fact, when you're authentic in these ways, you make it okay for others to be authentic, too.

Stay True to Your Values

We live in a paradoxical world that tells you to live loudly in your values...as long as you embrace whatever values are deemed socially acceptable at any given time. Otherwise, some would have you sit down and shut up. Personally, I think the world would be a boring place if we shared the same values on everything. Besides, that world would never stretch us or require us to grow.

Winston Churchill said, "You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life."

Being authentic doesn't mean going out of your way to be contrary or antagonistic. Regardless of your particular values, remember the admonishment from the Apostle Paul: "Speak the truth in a spirit of love." Too often people will put another on blast, and then justify their actions by saying something along the lines of "The truth hurts." No, the truth doesn't have to hurt. Unkind, non-civil speech, by its very nature, does.

Conformity: The Ironic Path to Feeling More Authentic

Ironically, we feel more authentic when we practice a certain level of social conformity. In studies, participants listed traits they believed were most aligned with their authentic selves, like bold, individualistic, calm, persuasive, etc. At the end of each day, participants rated how authentic they felt. Researchers expected to find that on days when participants practiced the traits they listed as their authentic selves, they would score HIGH that day on how authentic they felt.

But that didn't happen. Instead, researchers found 5 traits linked to the highest self-reported authenticity ratings: (1) extroversion, (2) emotional stability, (3) conscientiousness, (4) intelligence, and (5) agreeableness. Despite any personality differences and traits participants listed as their true authentic selves, participants felt more authentic when they conformed to those characteristics.

The next time you want to be more authentic, sport a loud (or quiet) shirt and express a popular (or unpopular) opinion in the spirit of love. But when you want to feel like your most authentic self, push yourself to be a bit more outgoing, even-tempered, reliable, competent, and easy-going.

 ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Scott Carbonara serves as the CEO of Spiritus Communications (LeadToEngage.com). He is an international leadership speaker and trainer, and the ghostwriter and author of several books, including coauthoring with Tony Gambill (linkedin.com/in/tony-gambill-0227767) the upcoming Getting It Right When It Matters Most published by Business Expert Press.