The Truth About Anxiety and What to Do About It
Audrey Reille, MBA, Ed.D.
Executive Coach Empowering You (and your team) to Thrive in Higher Ed Leadership
Mindfulness isn’t the cure-all we once thought
Like many, I used to believe that people who had anxiety were stuck in the habit of worrying about the future and/or lacked confidence in their ability to handle difficult situations. Over the last 10+ years, I have been able to help leaders in higher ed. drastically reduce their anxiety by changing the narratives they had created about situations, helping them regain control (when possible) instead of feeling powerless, developing a mindfulness practice, breaking old thought patterns (e.g., regrets about the past or fears about the future), resolving issues strategically one step at a time, and building more confidence in themselves and in life in general.
In coaching certifications and other professional development programs, I had been taught that anxiety was the result of a negative mindset, and for over a decade, the techniques I had learned worked remarkably well. But then came covid… In the last three years, I have met clients whose anxiety could not be cured with mindset and mindfulness alone, so I immersed myself into more training and numerous books to better understand anxiety and how to deal with it.
Anxiety lives in the body
Coaching is incredibly powerful and transformational because a talented coach can help you rewire your brain and free yourself from a myriad of unhelpful habits and behaviors, as well as develop creative solutions to solve problems and meet ambitious goals. However, coaching is done by talking and engaging the mind. When people have debilitating anxiety, often linked to unprocessed trauma, they already tend to dissociate from their body and feelings, and live in their head too much. Coaching is helpful but it might contribute to relying excessively on their over-active minds and neglect their bodies.
The problem is that no amount of talking will help someone reconnect with their bodies, release tension, learn to turn on their parasympathetic system, and change the hormones they are producing (e.g. less cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine and more oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins). Anxiety lives in the body and to release it, we have to engage the body. That is why exercise is so beneficial to reduce stress and anxiety.
Befriend your body
If you have anxiety, I hope you eat healthy, get enough quality sleep, exercise, meditate, and do breath-work. But chances are that you don’t or maybe you do, but not regularly enough to regain inner peace. What I observe with many of my clients is that they are exceptional leaders in higher ed. and miraculously always find a way to show up for others and take care of their responsibilities, no matter how much pressure they are under, but they run out of time and/or energy when it comes to doing what is best for them. They are so used to self-sacrifice that they don’t see self-management or self-mastery as a necessity for wellness and exemplary leadership.
So, let me ask you, is it easier to be self-disciplined and deliver on your promises when it is for someone else than when it is for yourself? If yes, you are not alone. Most of us won’t let somebody else down but fail to see what’s wrong with letting ourselves down. We’re tired. We think it’s ok not to take care of ourselves or our bodies because we are re-negotiating with ourselves and we agree to watch TV and have a glass of wine instead of going to a yoga class or go to bed early. Does that sound familiar?
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The antidote is self-solve (I was tempted to call it self-appreciation to avoid spooking you, but we need to be honest and direct here.) and self-compassion. Self-love isn’t about becoming arrogant or narcissistic, but simply extending to yourself the care you already have in your heart for everybody else. It means to stop excluding yourself from the rest of humanity who you consider to be worthy of care and understanding. That may be too uncomfortable for some of you, and that is why I am suggesting an easier first step, which is to become friend with your body.
You feel appreciation for your staff, right? They do so much! You want to protect them and support them. Well, I invite you to start doing the same thing for your body too. It is amazing!!! It allows you to have a life, to walk, to breathe, to do all kinds of things! It is constantly working for you and never takes a break, in spite of the neglect (e.g., lack of rest) or abuse (e.g., junk food) it endures. Show appreciation for your body. Take care of it like you would take care of someone you love. Take responsibility for doing what your body needs to thrive. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for it! That may sound crazy, but I promise you it really helps to develop a relationship with your body.
Many healing modalities to consider
The good news is that there are many modalities to choose from, besides talk therapy, to free yourself from anxiety. Here are a few excellent ones to consider:
If you suffer from anxiety, please don’t accept it as an incurable condition. If you let it go on for too long, it can get out of hand. Please make yourself and your health and wellness your top priority because when you are struggling, you can’t fully be there for others.
If you are looking for an Executive Coach who can understand you, support you without judgment, and empower you to continue to grow as a leader, click here to schedule a call with me and discuss how I can help you . However, coaching is not therapy so if you need help from a therapist, I strongly recommend you look for one who is trauma-informed and specializes in SE, EMDR, EFT or other effective modalities, so that you can get relief faster than with traditional talk therapy. I am sending you hugs and wishing you success and most importantly, inner peace and happiness. You deserve to be well and thrive!
About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, and online courses. Audrey is the go-to executive coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by improving communication, reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset. For more information and free resources, visit https://thrivinginadmin.com/