Trust your struggle – Zain Asher (TEDxEuston)

Peter and I had been good friends from way back in University. As jovial as he was to a point that many saw him as a joker who had no plan for his life, he was still quite intelligent. I might not be so wrong to say that he was the most intelligent of all my friends.

He had one problem which did not seem like much back then, but I knew it was for every time I saw him exhibit that. He was quite competitive, in an unhealthy way. Not like he was to harm you, but he could go way beyond just trying to win you in every competition.

He always won, and that has been part of the ways his jovial lifestyle was built. His wins built his ego, and he kept pushing, trying out things he would not really have a need to be a part of. As a friend, I have tried countless times to caution him about this, but that nearly made me an enemy to him, for saying the truth. At least I was the friend who told him, and not the type that wished I told him”, I thought to myself.

We graduated quite all right, and it was time to chase careers now, and not just random tasks. Everyone had their craft, and he had become good at business development and selling the weirdest ideas. He believed there was no stopping him.

He had the idea of building a franchise of retail stores that supplied tech products. He had everything going and was building quite all right until this ManserdQ Hackathon came. He could let it go as I had advised him for some other reasons we had previously agreed on, but he felt challenged by another brand that was in the same niche as him.

He lost the funding to the other brand and that was his first loss, and it was like having your clothes torn in the center stage of an Olympics game opening show. He couldn’t bear the shame that told on him and his business which was doing fine, even without the funding.

He lost it and kept blaming himself as much as he asked himself why and how he got to lose, believing he did something wrong.

This was where I came in as, now a proud failure, as he had called me back then. I had failed at some stuff a few times, and I had the opportunity of learning how to handle failure and take more calculated steps at an early stage.

Deep down, I had a part of me that was telling me to let him dance in a pool of his tears and let the bird’s droppings pave a way for him as he walked the walk of shame, which he had no issue with putting others through for a while back then, but then I saw karma wink at me.

I would have no gain if I let my friend go through all this just like that. Would I be able to still call myself a friend after that?

I talked with him, and today, I realized that this talk had summarized all I told him once more, into 4 major points.

Do not believe in Competition

Firstly, there is no need for the kind of competition that we get ourselves involved in. If it was a healthy competition like we were taught back then in economics, that would be fine. But the kind of competition where we either put others to harm, or put ourselves through emotional stress, then it is not allowed.

“I believe in creating what you want”

This was in Zain’s words, and it makes sense because, that which you compete to have, how about think of other creative ways of creating that or creating other opportunities that are very similar to it.

One of the sure ways of doing this is through collaboration. Rather than compete unhealthily, then collaborate. Come together and create a bigger change.

Success comes when opportunity meets preparation

We all would just have to keep ourselves ready. When we’re ready, we keep our hands free and ready to grab the next opportunity that we have. When you keep dwelling on the past, you would be like the boy who would want to lick an Ice cream but would not let go of the sand he is holding.

When he tries to hold the two, he loses the two. Preparation in this case doesn’t just mean learning new skills but letting go of things that we need to let go of, in preparation for the better ones to come.

Trust your struggles

Life is naturally not so easy and straightforward. Issues would come, and all you could do is to trust your struggles, or better said, trust your process. Once you know what you’re doing is on track and right, keep at it. Be consistent because your results are much closer than you could have imagined.

The more you give, the more you receive.

In Peter’s case, he needed to give more of two things, gratitude, and a listening ear. If he had done these earlier on, he just might have had a better opportunity of learning how to handle failure, even before he could experience it. He was just full of himself. Do not be like Peter, please.

If we all can try really well to remember these few pointers, we could have a chance to suppress the Peter in us and groom our inner Zains, who has been able to use these principles to build a life she dreamt of. Be like Zain, and build/live the life you dream of.

How do you rate my fictional storytelling skills?