Trust your experience and overcome imposter syndrome

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A common topic of conversation in the Unreal Collective community is the struggle with self-deprecating thoughts and head trash.

We are our own worst enemies.

I think it’s a cultural thing — a function of our society right now. When we see beautiful highlight reels on social media showing all the COOL stuff other people are doing (You met who?? You were speaking where??) we question our own legitimacy.

When I first started Unreal a couple of years ago and offered coaching services as an add-on, I hadn't offered formal consulting before. One of the first clients to sign up was someone who had a multi-million dollar exit just a few years earlier.

This really threw me for a loop.

What could he possibly learn from me?

I started to really get into my own head before our first call. I had to hype myself up…I had to make him believe that he made a good choice!

My coach would say that I was trying to prove that I belonged.

Over time, I began to understand something that I now call experience ladders. Imagine a wall with a whole row of ladders lined up next to one another.

Each one of those ladders represents a single skill or ability.

We all possess some level of skill on each of these ladders – even if it's very low.

But more importantly, we have perceptions of our own skill level, and of the skill level of those around us, too.

We're constantly measuring our perceived position on these ladder against other people around us. Man, he is so much better at shooting video than me.

When we think someone is higher on the ladder than us, we look up to them and try to learn from them.

Often, we hire them.

Here’s where things get sticky. Sometimes, when imposter syndrome rears its ugly head, we start to consolidate all of the ladders into ONE ladder.

We start to calculate a single, absolute “skill score” and compare ourselves to the people around us. Instead of still considering our strengths, we let our weaknesses pull our own self-worth down.

This is what I was doing with my client. He was miles ahead of me in terms of building a team, scaling a company, and a lot of other things too.

On an absolute scale, I was thinking, “How could I ever help this person?”

But that’s not what was happening in his head.

He was looking at the ladders where I’m a couple steps higher and saying, “I could use your help in getting up there.”

To be successful in working with others, you need to be confident and secure in your position on the ladder. And not just on the ladders you've climbed up high on — but also those where you are behind your client.

Understand that you aren’t being hired to help every aspect of someone’s life or business. They are hiring you for very specific ladders where you excel.

Instead of posturing and proving that you can swing on every ladder, be secure in the fact that you have a ladder you were hired for.

You don’t have to help on all of them.

In fact, recognize the client for the ladders where they can help you.

“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t. …Respect their knowledge and learn from them. It will bring out the best in all of you.”

— Bill Nye, UMass Lowell 2014 Commencement Speech

Focus on where you can help the most. Be confident and secure in those skills, and you’ll do better work (and enjoy it more too).

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Jay Clouse is the creator of Freelancing School, which provides the training and community to help people make a living freelancing. He is also the founder of Unreal Collective, a community for founders, freelancers, and creators that runs a 12-week accelerator program.

Jay hosts Creative Elements, which interviews high-profile creators who have made their own independent living.

You can connect with Jay on Twitter @jayclouse or sign up for his Sunday newsletter for creatives at jayclouse.com.