Trust the Process

If you've never taken the Clifton Strengths assessment, I highly recommend it. It assesses a person's greatest strengths through a forced choice series of questions that takes about 30 minutes.

I took this once several years ago. My top strength at that time was called “Achiever.”

This means I value getting things done. It does speak to my endurance to just keep going and get the next thing done, as well as my inability to turn that off at times. It's the addict in me. I need the next accomplishment, the next reward, the next hit. It's very motivating. But the only thing that matters is the end result. Get it done. (Maybe that was my second strength talking, "Command").

Becoming a therapist has shaped me in many ways. It changed the way I speak to people, how I listen, and has altered my worldview in a tangible way.?

I've also been in a Ph.D. program that I don't talk about much, but has engaged the intellectual and affective side of me and reawakened my love for learning. It has changed me as a person.?

My newest top strength is “Ideation,” followed by “Strategic,” "Command," "Achiever," and “Learner.” The seeking of endless achievement became the exploration of ideas, systems, and processes. Sitting with people with other worldviews, knowledge, and expertise both in the classroom and the therapy office has allowed me to fall in love with the process of learning. Whether it's about information or people, I'm immersed in the experience.

Unlike the Achiever version of me, I don't have the luxury of a finish line. I work with people, who are never a finished product. I've learned to trust the process.

This did not come naturally for me. I'm competitive. I've competed for most of my life in sports. I race my GPS's initial estimation of time for a drive to pretty much everywhere. My internship for mental health counseling required 600 hours, and I completed 1200 hours. In therapy with children who really like board games, I do not let them win. They have to earn it.?

Despite 7 years of experience as a therapist, my lowest strength is “Empathy.” Number 34 out of 34. Most people might see this as a bad thing. I find it to be incredibly protective. When I say I see 12 people on a Sunday, I'm not exaggerating. What's the secret? I don't take it home with me.?I lean into curiousity. Being curious makes me a more humble and effective therapist.

If I had too much empathy, I would be burned out.

I'm not advocating for overworking yourself. Know your limits and listen to them. I know mine, and I trust myself when I feel like I need a break.

What I do want folks to hear is that much of life comes without completion, without deadlines, and without end goals. You cannot rely on the reward.?

I see people expecting others to praise them or to win an award for the things they do. But then what??

I found out very quickly in recovery that I could not win first place. It took me more tries than I could count to make it one year sober from alcohol and drugs. I encountered the same burning questions that professional athletes do when they win a championship.?

NOW WHAT?

If this is something that I've worked for over months, years, or decades, and I've achieved it. What next?

People lose their sense of purpose with the fulfillment of their life goals. So then what do you do? Set another goal? Good luck with that.

I have found what works for me is to stay focused on the person I am becoming. Forget the past version and don't look too far ahead. Just do what I need to do today to live my values as best I can. Whatever the result. Keep helping people. Keep becoming this recovered version of me.

Or follow these three simple steps from a friend of mine named Bill:

10. Continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong promptly admit it.

11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, carry this message to others and practice these principles in all my affairs.

What do you need to do to embrace the process? Only you can really answer that. You have to search within yourself to find the things that you value. What makes you feel like you have made a difference in the lives of other people today??

And on those days the process is especially brutal, make it through. Be kind to yourself, have patience, and sleep well at the end of it.

Trust that if you’re engaged in a meaningful process, it is taking you somewhere better, however challenging it is.

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