Trust Me

Last week I taught two virtual workshops. Both were on content I’m deeply familiar with and have taught for a long time, but both were different than the standard timing. One class in particular had the potential for a lot moving parts and making changes on the fly. I was a little nervous about meeting the combined goals of staying within the time frame allotted, ensuring participants got the information they needed, and keeping a coherent flow to the class.

I took some comfort that both my technical producers for the events were people I’ve worked with before and trusted completely. They have great experience and have demonstrated abilities to adjust at a moment’s notice. They’re also both comfortable with me and my style, so I knew they’d understand when I needed to make last-second adjustments. Both the classes went well, largely because of the seamless work by my producers behind the scenes.

This week, I’ve got a class with the same content, but in a standard format. I’m working with a producer I’ve only met once. As I was thinking about the class this weekend, I realized I’m not nervous at all about this week. I’ll still rely on my producer, but I feel equally comfortable working with this producer as I was with the two last week. How could that be? My experience level with this week’s producer is minimal. How can I trust this person as much as those I’ve worked with more frequently?

The answer comes from Richard Fagerlin in his book “Trustology.” He points out that the adage “trust is something that is earned” is actually a lie. You may have heard that before. You may even believe it. The truth is that trust is something that is given. Think about how many times a day you grant trust to total strangers. Unless you’re confirming the safe driving records of everyone who could potentially be on the road between every destination you drive, you’re granting some level of trust to a lot of people every day.

The same thing happens at work. You pay a contractor to do a job or you give an assignment to a colleague. You’re trusting them to do that work. Granted, if they don’t do the work, there are consequences. Still, you’re granting trust to those people to do the work. Every time you hire a new employee, you’re trusting they can do the work. What is that trust based on? A resume, a couple of interviews, and references THEY selected for you to check? That’s a high level of trust.

By the same token, think of how many times people grant YOU trust. That new hire we just talked about trusts that the job they accepted is the job you described. They trust that you’ll keep up your end of the employment agreement. As a facilitator, everyone who shows up for a workshop I conduct is trusting that I’ll create a safe environment and help them learn and practice new skills. People trust that I’ll deliver products they pay for, they trust I’ll be there when I say I will. Others offer you that level of trust in your life.

The great thing about trust is that the more you grant it to others, the more they also trust you. Trust can be reciprocal. And the more you trust, the more trustworthy you appear to others. ?

I’m not so na?ve as to think that trust can’t be eroded or violated. And I’m not suggesting you trust that the hooded characters hiding in dark alleys late at night have good intentions. All I’m suggesting is that your willingness to grant trust will build the overall pool of trust.

I’m excited for my workshop this week. I’m confident everything will go well between me and the producer. That confidence comes mostly from the trust I’m granting and the trust I’m getting back from the producer. Couple that with the trust the course participants are bringing to the table and we’ve got a great chance for success.

Look for opportunities this week to grant trust, and notice the times when others grant you their trust. I think you’ll see them more often than you think.

Mark Carpenter helps people who want to improve the impact of their messages by improving their ability to convey powerful experiences as stories. He is a consultant, facilitator, coach, and co-author of the best-selling book "Master Storytelling: How to Turn Your Experiences Into Stories that Teach, Lead, and Inspire." www.master-storytelling.com