"To trust or not to trust?". Image counts.

How many times have you heard, and perhaps said “don’t judge a book by its cover”?

I bet many. And I also bet many readers would agree with me that judging people by their appearance not only is discriminatory, but it’s also poor judgement often against our own best interest.

There are countless good reasons to go beyond people’s appearances and our first impression of them, and yet, as politically incorrect as it may sound, the brain, and in particular the reptilian brain, that part of the subconscious mind that first was formed over 1005million years ago, is designed to decide within the first 10/15 seconds of meeting a person whether we like them. Whether we should trust them.

This article is about trust and the importance of building it in to succeed at work and in life. It’s also about understanding that trust can be manipulated and abused.

Hamlet’s soliloquy “To be or not to be” has, for centuries, been one of the most, if not the most, quoted existential dilemma. Is it better to be alive or dead? Wonders Prince Hamlet, when contemplating the meaning of his own life.

Another dilemma, perhaps less popular, but not less existential, crosses everyone’s life. A choice we need to make repeatedly over the course of a lifetime, and one most people are not properly equipped for. Paraphrasing Shakespeare: “To trust, or not to trust.”

Choosing who to trust (and not trust) is often one of the most important decisions a person can make. Sometimes even a matter of life and death.

However, as mentioned previously, trust is frequently the outcome of emotions, prejudice and wishful thinking, rather than a rational process.

Don’t trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar.

Today more than ever before in history. Social media channels like Instagram give people the possibility to project an image not grounded in reality. They can fake wealth, health, happiness, knowledge, network, and net worth.

Dubai, the city I’ve called home for the past 10 years, is one of the world’s capitals of “pumped image”. The lesson to learn is that perception can be controlled and also manipulated.

From a business perspective, being able to influence positively our customers’ and stakeholders’ perception represents a competitive advantage.

Once again, image counts, but not every “style” helps succeed in a business relationship.

For example, I see many people putting all their efforts into trying to look successful or sexy, and sometimes both. As powerful as those messages may be in modern society, they do not necessarily lead to the creation of trust, the paramount ingredient of a long-lasting business relationship.

Trust goes beyond physical attraction. It creates solid bonds, unlike envy. It gives people the courage, the willingness, and the desire to open up with you. Trust is durable and profitable.

And yet, many people choose to trigger admiration instead. They put their vanity before their utility, their ego before their convenience.

Wiser people do the opposite. They don’t care about looking cool, they’d rather look trustworthy, reliable and competent.

THE SCIENCE OF BUILDING TRUST

Trust is very selective and instinctive. It comes from the so-called “Gut Instinct”. When the brain trusts a stranger, it activates the striatum, a part of our reward system.

Dr. Jamil Zaki, Director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab and author of?The War for Kindness, says: “When people decide to trust, it’s kind of the same as when they make decisions to gamble. The striatum is a brain region or system in the brain that’s associated with evaluating options. And in particular, you can think of trust as a social gamble. You put resources, time, energy into another person and then, if all goes well, you end up winning. In fact, you both end up winning.”

Scientists have also discovered that oxytocin?increases a person’s empathy and reduces the fear of trusting a stranger. “When you show me you trust me, it generates a rise in oxytocin, too. Oxytocin specifically affects an individual’s willingness to accept social risks arising through interpersonal interactions” wrote a team of researchers in an article for Nature titled “Oxytocin increases trust in humans”.

What we rarely realise is how much we affect other people when we decide whether to trust them. In general, when someone feels trusted, she or he will (instinctively) return the favour by awarding their trust. And this creates a virtuous circle. Unless one of the party involved is acting in a manipulative way.

As much as trusting people makes us feel well, when trust is broken, it is very hard to mend.?Some people even experience Chronic distrust, colloquially known as “trust issues”.

There are several possible sources, or reasons, if you will. For some people, past and early relationships with caregivers taught them that their needs would not be met and that others would continuously let them down.?Trauma can also damage trust; traumatised individuals often find it difficult to let their guard down, even with loved ones. Trust issues may also be a matter of personality; naturally less agreeable people tend to?be more prone to distrusting others.

Actually, there is a very good reason not to trust again being once betrayed. Despite of the moral right not to mistrust people around, we should remember that the lack of trust leads to the loneliness, depression, anxiety, negative emotions and antisocial behaviour. We can’t trust when something inhibits oxytocin in our brain, like high stress or testosterone. Moderate stress and estragon increase secretion of oxytocin and our sensitivity to it.

What can we do to improve our chances of being trusted?

Trust is a currency, and its value is determined by people’s acceptance. While retaining trust is a complex job that requires constant attention and dedication, gaining it, however superficially, is a relatively simple job, and one that can be planned in advance.

Researchers in social psychology differentiate between two kinds of trust – affective (with your heart) and cognitive (with your head). We can win both hearts and heads with some non-verbal complements; from designing the environment to projecting ones ’image, here is a list of things you can do to improve your chances of being trusted at first sight.

• Wear a uniform. People, in general, and in safe countries, trust police officers, doctors, etc. The uniform they wear is a projection of the social utility of their job. A formal business attire is also considered trustworthy and reliable. The more extreme the outfit and the physical appearance, the less trustworthy a person looks in the eye of a stranger. Different industries, societies, and social circles also have different dress codes. Someone full of tattoos on her/his face may not trigger instant trust within a circle of Swiss private bankers but succeed in an interview with a concert promotion company.
• Hold steady eye contact, while speaking with someone - facial credibility has been proven to be essential to the trust.
• Smile! Smiling, show some teeth and try to make your smile a genuine one.
• Keep your body posture up straight, demonstrate confidence and authority. Lean a bit towards to the person you’re talking to.
• Beware of your hands, keep them in open position, don’t fuzz around, messing with your hair or buttons.
• Meet people with a confident and firm handshake, keeping an eye contact and smiling.
• Show empathy and reflect the same emotions as your partner.
• Try to look “average”

This last point seems to me quite interesting. Research shows that, while typical-looking faces aren’t seen as the most attractive, they are considered to be the most trustworthy. The?findings?are published in?Psychological Science, a journal of the?Association for Psychological Science.

“Face typicality likely indicates familiarity and cultural affiliation?—?as such, these findings have important implications for understanding social perception, including cross-cultural perceptions and interactions,” explains psychological scientist and lead researcher Carmel Sofer of Princeton University and Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands.

The resulting ratings revealed a sort of U-shaped relationship between face typicality and trustworthiness: The closer a face was to the most typical face, the more trustworthy it was considered to be.

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” once said the management guru Stephen Covey.

With trust comes responsibility. I can see it every day in my role as a father of two young kids, and as a professional operating in the international luxury industry, an industry that has a profound influence on the people who love it.

Trust may be easy to build, and it’s almost impossible to restore once it gets broken.

Companies that choose to exploit every inch of loyalty of their customers, or that go too far in provoking their audience for the sake of being always on top of their mind, may cross a line hard to go back from.

The case of the latest campaign of Balenciaga, featuring children surrounded by bondage toys, is a perfect example of an unnecessary breach of trust. As unnecessary as foreseeable, considering how hard had they tried to be perceived as irreverent, presenting products like the 1.700$ "trash bag".

To look cool is a risky game. Look trustworthy, instead. And do all you can to deserve that trust.

To your success!

Carlo Pignataro

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