Trust giving

When you join a new community—starting at a new school, joining a new company, or moving into a new neighborhood—there's that period of time at the beginning (and hopefully it doesn't last long or in perpetuity) in which you feel like you're having to learn a whole new set of coded language. How should I wear my hair? What's the first thing I should say in a public meeting? Do people decorate for Halloween in this neighborhood or not? There's always some set of social norms that have been informally established by a group of people who formed the foundation of these communities, but there are no instruction manuals for this. You just figured it out by watching people interact with each other, and based on what we'd learned in our past as signals and cues of acceptance (or rejection), we start to practice and learn the silent language of our new communities. And maybe if you're lucky, you've got someone who gives you a few shortcuts to understanding the social and cultural norms of the workplace by explaining what's actually going on in people's interactions.

When I was trying to decide between LinkedIn and other opportunities, I had this exact conversation with someone who ended up being a big influence on my decision to join LinkedIn (you know who you are!)—trust is consistency over time. And when we start a new job, we've got our skills, experience, passion, interest, enthusiasm, support network, and maybe even a fancy new haircut, but one thing we don't yet bring and share with our new colleagues is perhaps the most important thing to build our relationship on: trust. To simply put, it's a cold start problem. So what are we to do in this game of chicken, when all involved parties need consistency and time to build that trust? Based on what I experienced in my first year at LinkedIn, the answer is: trust giving.

More specifically, it begins with a group of people who already have reasons to feel secure as a part of that workplace, whether because of their existing tenure, experience, role, status, existing network, etc. Whether they realize it or not, no matter what level of the organization they sit in, they have the power to dip into the "trust reserve" and proactively give the new person their trust, instead of making them earn it. Someone who's the hiring manager for that person made the call to bring them in because of their capabilities and potential, so we put trust into that person's decision, and start that new relationship in abundance of trust instead of a deficit. It's counterintuitive, and some might even say, risky. How do I know I can trust this person—a stranger?!

But remember, that new person is probably asking that question in their head in nearly every interaction in their first few weeks and months, explicitly or implicitly. And because they chose to be here—some even at the near-term cost of moving their families, etc—they are fighting their own instincts not to trust strangers and doing their best to show up and make a good impression. All that's going on while also trying to, you know, do their job. Plus, for anyone who started a new job in the past 2+ years during the pandemic, like me, that means we are trying to read signals and cues through video screens, without the context of in-person interactions. If trust is consistency over time, how do I assess and demonstrate consistency in 30 minute video chunks, and actually you know what, can someone just make me one of those Matrix plug-ins to skip through time?

The power of trust giving is real. It's different from simply telling someone, "trust me"—in fact just saying the words without the commitment of action has the opposite effect. I felt actively trusted from the first day I joined LinkedIn because of people's action. People trusted my boss's decision to hire me for the job, and therefore, trusted me to do my job. People trusted me with where and how I chose to spend time at work. People trusted me with decisions. People gave me—gifted me—their trust. In turn, I spent more time investing in my new relationships and learning about the business, and less time doing "threat assessment" in my brain as one does in new environments. I spent more time trying different ways to show them who I am and what I am capable of doing, instead of worrying about what they think about me and my decisions. I spent more time doing what I came here to do, and less time trying to guess what people wanted me to do. Other people's trust in me literally created the luxury of consistency and time I did not already bring, and that is why I think I was able to onboard and settle in at LinkedIn as quickly as I have.

Trust giving doesn't mean one party keeps giving and the other keeps taking in perpetuity. Trust giving also does not mean giving blind trust to someone you don't know, which is a lazy type of exclusion disguised as trust, meaning you pass up on the opportunity to truly get to know someone. Trust giving simply means giving a head start to the beautiful and productive relationship you're about to build together, and every one of you just might have the power to be that person for someone else who's new at your workplace.