TRUST, First Impressions, and Relative Body Language

Last week, a friend reached out to me with an intriguing request—she needed help finding a research article on how voice pitch in women influences perceptions of dominance and attractiveness. As I delved into the topic, my mind took a different turn: Is there a correlation between voice pitch, any other form of nonverbal communication, and trustworthiness? Do we, for instance, trust people with lower-pitched voices more than those with higher pitches? But then it hit me—just like everything else in trust, this isn't an absolute or universal truth but rather a relative one.

As these thoughts swirled in my mind, I realized I had stumbled upon a potential topic for a future podcast episode. And that's exactly what I want to share with you today.

Trust: A Relative Concept

Before we dive into the connection between nonverbal communication and trust, let's revisit some key concepts from my relative trust model. We trust people based on two main factors: who they are and what they do. The "who you are" part is often based on research—what I've learned about you through LinkedIn, Facebook, or transferred from people I trust. This information sets the initial level of trust I have in you before we even interact.

This initial trust is slow to change. It’s like Maya Angelou's famous quote, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." Our perception of who someone is doesn't shift easily. However, once we start interacting, the focus shifts to "what you do"—your behavior during our interaction. This is where trust becomes more dynamic and can change much more rapidly.

The Role of Positivity in Trust

Generally, the direction of trust during an interaction is driven by the positivity you bring to it. I categorize this positivity into two components: the level of BS (or no BS) you bring and the level of empathy you demonstrate. For instance, if you're empathetic towards others—even if it's not directed at me specifically—I may still feel more positive and trust you more.

Time and Intimacy: Accelerating Trust

Trust or distrust is not static; it is accelerated by time and intimacy. Time, in this context, means the duration of our interactions. The more time we spend together, the faster trust can either grow or erode. Take, for example, the concept of trusting a self-driving car. Over time, after many positive experiences with it, your trust in the car will naturally increase.

Intimacy refers to how much we get exposed to someone’s overall behavior. The lowest level of intimacy is text-based communication—emails, text messages, etc. These only give us a limited view of a person's true character. As intimacy increases—hearing their voice, seeing their facial expressions, and observing their body language—we get a more complete picture, which accelerates the process of trust or distrust.

The Impact of Nonverbal Communication on Trust

Albert Mehrabian's 7-38-55 rule—7% of liking or feeling toward another person is based on verbal, 38% on tone of voice, and 55% on body language—has often been misinterpreted. However, the essence remains: Nonverbal cues significantly influence how we perceive others, especially in terms of liking and feeling, and therefore trusting.

When there’s consistency between what you say and how you say it, trust is likely to grow. Conversely, if there’s inconsistency—if your words say one thing but your body language says another—distrust is more likely to follow. This is crucial because our brains are wired to pick up on these cues, even if we're not consciously aware of it.

The Problem with First Impressions

However, there's a caveat. When we first meet someone, our interpretation of their nonverbal communication is often based on our past experiences with other people, not necessarily on that specific individual. For example, I once worked with a colleague who had a naturally smug or condescending expression. Initially, I judged him based on that, but over time, I realized it was just his default facial expression, not a reflection of his character.

Our initial interpretations are often based on averages—what we've seen in other people. But as we spend more time with someone, we build a baseline for their behavior, allowing us to make more accurate judgments.

Takeaways: What This Means for Building Trust

So, what should you take away from all this?

First, recognize that your initial impressions of someone's nonverbal communication are likely based on your experiences with others, not on the individual in front of you. Be cautious about making quick judgments.

Second, don't rely too heavily on these first impressions. Instead, ask more questions and focus on the content of what the person is saying until you've had enough time to establish a baseline for their behavior.

Only then can you accurately assess the consistency between their words and nonverbal cues, which is essential for building trust.

In conclusion, understanding the relationship between nonverbal communication and trust is complex but crucial. By being aware of how we interpret these signals and taking the time to establish a baseline for each person, we can make more informed decisions about who to trust. And remember, trust is relative—it's built over time and through deeper levels of intimacy and understanding.

Want to hear more? Listen to season 14, episode 9 of The Trust Show podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s14e9-trust-first-impressions-and-relative-body-language/id1569249060?i=1000666773608