Trust: The Currency of All Relationships

Often, trust in our relationships is tested in the hard times. The following is a tale of two leaders. Let’s hear about Sergeant X and Maintenance Manager Z then we will discuss the differences.

Leader X

One instance that I can remember is during my tour in the Marine Corps when our Company was called to Desert Shield Desert Storm. We spent few months preparing to go and it seemed like we have a great platoon with everything you would want like people knew their jobs, we had experienced NCOs, and the camaraderie was strong. Above all the lines of respect and trust were healthy. Our platoon sergeant, Sergeant X, was a standup guy who took care of the Marines under his charge. Once we arrived in country, people started to change a little. The gravity of being forward in a conflict hit some people like a ton of bricks. Sergeant “X” started talking about his family and new son more than he used to. We attributed this to homesickness and the like. When we moved from in-country receiving to the front things started to get weird. Sergeant X started to withdraw and one day when things got a little heated over an argument between squad leaders, he uncorked and stated that he did not care about any of us as long as he could get back to his new son. We were shocked. X completely lost his bearing and made a poor judgment by addressing all of us they way he did. There we were weeks away from the start of a war and our platoon sergeant broke a sacred trust. We continued to respect sergeant X’s rank, yet he lost our trust as a leader. Eighteen months of team building and training to gain trust and, in an instant, it was gone. Looking back the weight of war was too much for X, and he did not believe we should have been there. He was only human, and he prioritized his son and political beliefs over the Marines he was privileged to lead. Still, broken trust in an environment where trust is critical is not acceptable. He would have done better to claim he was a conscientious objector. As a leader, X never regained trust within the platoon.

Leader Z

Fast forward a little more than a decade, and I was working at a refinery in the southeast USA. The refinery was like a small city, with almost 2500 people working there daily. That number could swell to over 4500 during peak maintenance activities—another environment where trust was critical. Our technical department moved to the maintenance organization, so now we have a new organizational leader. “Z,” our new maintenance manager, called a meeting to introduce himself and what he believed in. For the next three years, Z did precisely everything he promised, engineered a winning culture, and even when things got as tough as they could get in refining, he never wavered and always supported us. There were many times when peer groups were fighting, or we made the department look bad because of mistakes, and Z would sit us down and constructively and directly walk us through the issues. The man had exceptional bearing and judgment, among other strong character traits.?

The aforementioned is a tale of two leaders. One who chose to let the moment get the best of him and the other shined in tough moments. So, what made the difference? The weight of war? The pressure of a possible zero-sum outcome for Sergeant X? In both cases character and competence as a leader made the difference. Each leader had a chance to do the right thing when the challenges came to pass. X already had respect, trust, and the team of go getters going into the big game, yet he threw it away for lust of his safety and political beliefs. Z had it worse where he had to come cold, mid-flight and merge two antagonistic departments, and change a culture of blame to a culture of learning, yet, through all the hardship he never wavered.

Leadership and Trust Building

I believe by now you get the fact that trust building is something people, leaders, and organizations must work on each day. Earning trust is never done, and it can be lost easily. We must continuously work on character and competence to earn trust. We must do what we say we are going to do without fail to maintain high levels of trust. People extend trust because we do something extremely well or we have good character. In many instances we have the competence and character people seek. If you break trust, you must behave and act your way back to earning trust. Outside of a meaningful and contrite apology, save the excuses and words they don’t matter one scintilla.

Call to action

Examine how you define and evaluate trust. If you want to be trusted by customers, people, your spouse etc., then start looking at trust through the lens of character and competence. Ask yourself each time you act/interact “Is this action I am about to take going to earn or lose trust?”

Trust is a change agent. High trust = positive change and opens the door for deeper relationships. Low trust = potential for adverse outcomes and erosion of relationships. In both cases, trust sways the scale.

Trust, like love and leadership is a verb. Trust is the actions you take to earn it or lose it.