Trust in 21st Century Negotiations

Why is trust critical in modern negotiations?

21st Century Negotiations have proven to deliver better negotiation outcomes than more traditional approaches to negotiations. At the core of 21st Century Negotiations is the mindset that a negotiation is an exploration of possibilities to come to a mutually (!) beneficial agreement.

This is only possible if there is sufficient trust between all negotiation parties.

What makes people trust people?

Based on our research, we found that 3 factors are the conditions for trust, we call it the 3C Model of Trust:

Connection - the ability to create a positive connection with the other party

Consideration - taking the needs and wants of the other party seriously into consideration

Capabilities - being perceived as capable and competent in the related area

We found that all 3 factors are needed to build sufficient trust in a negotiation. For example, if you'd have only the first 2 Cs in place, then the other party is likely to like you, but would still not trust you because they would be afraid that you give completely wrong information with the best of intentions.?

How to optimize the chances that the other party will trust you??

Connection

It has been well researched what makes people connect with each other. Essentially, it can be broken down to two points: matching and vulnerability

Matching means that you try to minimize differences between the other party and yourself. That can be done in many different ways, for example, the pace and tone of your voice, your body language, your interests, your convictions, the way you dress, etc. It's not necessary to match perfectly in all these areas, but it is important to minimize major mismatches.

For example, if you come across someone who speaks much faster than you, you may want to speed up your voice a bit to reduce the gap. Or, if you know that a certain negotiation partner is rather casually dressed, you may want to dress down a bit. Or, if the other party loves football but you think it's a stupid sport, then you don't have to pretend to love football, but you could show honest curiosity, asking questions like "What makes you so excited about football, I'm really curious to understand?"

A second way to build stronger connections is to show some vulnerability. For example, you could use some self-deprecating humour, or share something that you're not too proud of about yourself. We know that the willingness to show some vulnerability deepens the connection with the other party.

Consideration

This factor is perhaps the most important factor in the 3C Model of Trust. Because that's what the other party will pay particular attention to. Is your consideration only to get what you want or do you take seriously into consideration what the other party wants or needs.

It's not necessarily about giving them what they want or need, but it's about showing them that their needs and wants are important to you and that you will take them seriously into consideration. Of course, this only works if you actually mean it, just saying it, usually doesn't work.

The good news about Consideration is: it's a choice you can always make. Connecting is a bit more of a skill, but Consideration is just a simple choice, though not always easy to make.

Capabilities

The first question is: do you consider yourself capable in the area you want to negotiate? If that's not the case, do whatever you can to make yourself more capable.

Sometimes, people are too self-critical: even though they have significant capabilities, they lack self-confidence for no good reasons.

If that sounds like you, then ask yourself: what is the benefit for you to be overly self-critical? Is it just a way to avoid being in charge.?

There is a reason why you're considered to conduct this negotiation, if you would be deemed incapable, you would not have been chosen. So remind yourself before any negotiation that you have sufficient capabilities. Just because we 'could' be even more capable - and this will always be like that - doesn't mean we have to put ourselves down, but can instead gather some confidence to come across as capable as we truly are.

If you optimize these 3 C's, then you will optimize your trustworthiness.

How about being able to trust the other party?

We found that there tend to be two ways people approach the question: "Can I trust you??

Benefit of the doubt

Some people just give any 'new' person the benefit of the doubt and trust others, until proven wrong.

Earned trust

Others say: "I won't trust anyone until they have proven that they're trustworthy."?

For 21st Century Negotiations we recommend the 'Benefit of the doubt' approach, but would add that this should be clearly expressed to the other party, for example like this:

"I would like to conduct this negotiation on a trust basis. Even though I don't know you very well, yet, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you're trustworthy and will engage with me accordingly.

I hope you can give me the same benefit of the doubt and trust me. I will do my best to live up to it."

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Putting it all together

Trust is not a 2-way street, but 2 one-way streets. It is possible that the other party trusts you but that you don't trust the other party, or vice-versa. In order to achieve mutual trust - a key element of 21st Century Negotiations - apply the 3C Model of Trust (Connection, Consideration, Capabilities) to increase your trustworthiness. Give the other party the benefit of the doubt and communicate your intention of a trust-based negotiation to them.