Trump, estrogen, independent men
Aleksandrina Ikonomova - Allya
co-founder @rhea | international event management platform | 3xfounder | sales, marketing & operations
If life keeps getting busier, you won't have to worry about reading this newsletter because there might not be one. Seriously, how is it already the end of June?! I haven’t even unpacked my summer clothes yet.
Anyway, let’s dive into elections, hormones, and independence.
Content I’ve consumed this week:
Podcasts
Papers
Books
My thoughts this week:
Trump
This week, I've been haunted by the thought that humanity could be wiped out in just 72 minutes (more on that here). It’s a sobering reminder of our insignificance.
We don’t matter much in the grand scheme of things, yet somehow, we do.
The power to end the world in a nuclear crisis rests with the heads of nuclear-armed nations, And we hold the power to choose who makes those decisions. That being said, as Americans head to the polls this November, they face a decision that will impact the entire globe. Now, before you hit me with that Mark Twain quote about voting not mattering, let’s get real. That might have been true 150 years ago, but today. Today, it's not the vote that's manipulated, it's the information you receive—think Cambridge Analytica style. So you not only have the obligation to vote, you also have the obligation to inform yourself properly.
Even though I can't vote for the US president, I've been closely following the elections. I was in the US when Trump won his first election, the same year Brexit happened. I was part of a summer program selling books door-to-door, which gave me a unique opportunity to chat with people from various backgrounds about their thoughts on these pivotal votes. Many asked me how I felt about Brexit—a topic I never expected I would discuss.
I don't remember every conversation I had, but I vividly recall the deep divide among people over the election. What stood out to me was how people decorated their houses and cars with party logos or their preferred candidate's face. That's something you'd never see in a post-communist country, where it's considered impolite to ask someone who they're voting for. While I often discuss politics with my friends, it's not a topic I'd bring up with my parents' friends at a dinner party. In the US, though, it wasn't an issue, and I found that quite liberating.
I was living and working in California at the time, a state Hillary Clinton won, but I encountered plenty of Trump supporters too. Back then, I didn't know much about politics. All I knew was that I strongly disliked Trump—partly because it seemed like the norm, and partly because he gave women plenty of reasons to feel that way. My views evolved as I talked to more people. Today, after years of researching and observing both parties, I have a completely different perspective on him and his opponents. I won't dive into my political views here—this newsletter isn't the place for that—but I'll share one thing I'm certain of: the Ukraine war wouldn't have happened if Trump were president. I'm also fairly confident the Gaza conflict might have been avoided with him in office.
However, what I want to emphasize is the importance of doing the uncomfortable research and listening to those with completely opposite views to fully understand any issue. It’s common sense for making important decisions, yet it’s very counterintuitive. When was the last time you made a crucial decision and consulted someone with a radically different perspective? Do you even have people like that in your circle?
I reflected on this a lot after listening to Lex Fridman’s podcast episode with Annie Jacobsen, where she explains that historically, successful leaders have surrounded themselves with advisors from diverse backgrounds and differing viewpoints. This diversity ensured a range of perspectives and prevented the echo chamber effect, where only agreeable opinions are heard. These days, it's all about surrounding themselves with yes-men—people who tell them what they want to hear and help them cling to power. Wise decision-makers are becoming a rarity. Gone are the days when presidents had advisors from both sides of the aisle, which is essential for balanced opinions. As the political scene gets nastier, both in the U.S. and in nuclear-armed nations, the chances of getting good advice from advisors are pretty slim. Again, those are the people who can wipe out humanity in a matter of minutes.
Now, you and I might not be world leaders (yet), but our decisions still have an impact, whether we realize it or not. The real question is—who's going to give you the perspective you don't want to hear when making a big decision? If you don't have anyone like that, I've got some news for you.
estrogen
By now, it should come as no surprise that women and men navigate the world quite differently. A major factor behind this is our hormonal differences. Women have lower levels of testosterone and higher levels of estrogen and progesterone, while men have higher testosterone and lower estrogen and progesterone. Additionally, women's hormones fluctuate over a 28-day cycle, whereas men's hormones cycle every 24 hours. These variations lead to significant differences in how we operate, yet the world has been slow to adapt to these realities.
Why does this matter? Estrogen and testosterone shape our brain structures and influence how we process information. Men and women have different neural connections and brain chemistry, which affect their learning styles and productivity. Estrogen is the hormone that creates diffuse awareness, fostering connections across various parts of our brains. Think of it as a built-in radar, constantly scanning for danger and monitoring safety. This heightened awareness lets women notice things men often miss, making them exceptionally good at anticipating trouble. Testosterone, on the other hand, drives a committed state of mind, focusing on results, destinations, and purposes. Men are naturally wired to concentrate on one task at a time, like hunting and tracking. They're committed to producing outcomes and excel in single-focus activities.
We can sense the mental, physical, and energetic states of everyone in a room simultaneously, allowing them to navigate chaos effectively. Women thrive in environments where multiple things are happening at once, as long as they take time to rest and recharge. Men, on the other hand, excel in single-focus activities. They approach tasks with a dedicated, linear focus, compartmentalizing brain activity to concentrate on one task at a time, which makes them excellent hunters and task-oriented workers.
Put simply - women register danger, and men kill. We need each other to survive.
Back in the day, survival meant not being eaten by a tiger. Today, it means something entirely different: excelling. Of course, this is assuming you’re privileged enough to have all your basic needs met, which, if you’re reading this newsletter, I assume you are. Here’s the real issue: we have different strengths and capabilities, but women have to operate in a world designed for men (Siri, play "This is a Man's World" by James Brown). If you're a woman trying to stay focused and do deep work for 3-4 hours and finding it tough, or if you want to be consistently productive every day but can't, know that your brain isn't wired that way. I made the mistake of trying to work like a man for far too long, and let me tell you, it doesn’t work. Not only does it not work, but it will also lead you straight to burnout.
In the next edition of the newsletter, I'll dive deeper into how to maximize your unique capabilities. For now, remember this: you're not less productive—you have a different kind of productivity that you need to embrace.
independent men
The problem isn’t that women are independent; it’s that men aren’t.
You see when you were a child, your mom had to clean, cook, and look after the house because you couldn’t, and someone had to handle those chores. She didn't have a choice. Just 50-70 years ago, women couldn't exist without being spoken for—they had to do whatever they were told which oftentimes meant staying at home and taking care of the house. They couldn’t open bank accounts, work, travel, or manage their own possessions independently. They were practically appendages to the men who were taking care of them, be it their father, brother, husband, or uncle. But now women have the opportunity to choose the kind of life they want to live. And men need to grow up (yes, you can quote me on that). That’s why so many women aren't putting up with outdated and limiting expectations. We want to learn, work, create, and do something meaningful with our lives. This doesn’t mean having a family isn’t meaningful; it means you can have a healthy family without having to clean and cook all the time. In fact, when both partners feel fulfilled in their lives, the chances of a happier marriage are much higher.
I realized this once I started dating an independent man. There are no expectations to cook or clean, even after an insanely overwhelming week (for both of us). No questions like, “What are we going to eat tonight?” or “When are we doing laundry?”. He didn’t think I was crazy for wanting a cleaning lady and a nanny if we had children, because I wanted to dedicate time to my company. When I asked him why, his answer was simple: he didn’t need a woman to cook, clean, or look after his house. “I’m not a child”, he said. He wanted someone to talk to when making decisions, exchange ideas with, and have fun with. Mind you, this is a man who recently sold his company for nine figures and has daily conversations with one of Europe’s smartest entrepreneurs and investors, so he certainly doesn’t lack a good support system.
My only revelation here is simple - get yourself an independent man.
I trust you didn’t read this. But if you did, I hope you had fun.
See you next week,
A