To be truly happy discover your authentic self!

Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. Fulton Oursler.

Many people live with regret and many people believe it’s the things we did that cause the most regret.

However, recent research indicates it’s the things we didn’t do that causes the most regret.

“Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.” – Victoria Holt

In a paper entitled; “The ideal road not taken”, Cornell psychologists identified three variables that make up a person’s “sense of self”.

Your ACTUAL self.

These are qualities you BELIEVE you possess.

Your IDEAL self.

These are qualities you WANT to believe you possess.

?Your OUGHT self.

These are qualities you feel you SHOULD have possessed.

After interviewing hundreds of people in six different studies, the researchers discovered the single biggest regret identified by over 76% of respondents. People felt they didn’t fulfill their IDEAL SELF.

The reason.  Most people follow the rules and focus too much energy on satisfying their OUGHT SELF.

They get married when they think they should. They take the safe job that pays the bills. They avoid the discomfort of taking risk.

These choices ironically cause little regret, because people ACT on these decisions.

However, when it comes to dreams and aspirations, people let them escape, which causes regret later in life.

People are more inclined to act when it comes to failures associated with duties and responsibilities (OUGHT SELF) than failures associated with goals and aspirations.

When we examine our lives, we think about whether we are heading toward our IDEAL SELF. Becoming the person, we aspire to be.

Regrets associated with missed opportunities resonate with more profound implications.

” Who knows how long I've loved you, you know I love you still. Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to I will.” – The Beatles 

That’s’ why I spend so much time encouraging people to resuscitate their ambitions. 

Our entire life we are forced into a version of our self which obviates risk and authenticity.

Well intended parents. Teachers. Friends. Encourage us to “play it safe”.

In exchange, we forfeit our commitment to discovering our true purpose.

In the short term, these concessions burn but they don’t sting. It’s only later in life the sting of regret illuminates our failure in pursuing our IDEAL SELF.

“To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” – Confucius

Sum it up

The best way to mitigate future regret?

Live in the present. Spend less time ruminating about the past. Waste less time contemplating the future.

Focus on positive change today. Change consistent with realizing your IDEAL SELF. Sign up for that yoga class you’ve been talking about. Learn to play that musical instrument you’ve dreamed about playing. Start that business you’ve dreamt about starting. Make plans with that special friend you haven’t seen in ages. Stop making excuses for inaction.

People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent. Bob Dylan

What are you planning to do differently to be true to your IDEAL SELF? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section. Please like and share this article if you found it beneficial. Aim high my friends!

About The Author

Steve Wohlenhaus is CEO of Weatherology, the leading company in the world at disseminating audio weather information.  Steve began his career as a major market television weather anchor in Minneapolis, where he received several Emmy Awards for science programming. Steve is an author and host of the podcast program Anatomy of Success. Follow Steve on LinkedIn!