A True Pro, Behavior #4: Avoid excesses and extremes; practice moderation in all things

This is the fourth article in a series on the qualities and behaviors practiced by people who rise to the top of their professions. See the previous article on diet and exercise here.

"Moderation in all things is the key to success. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." ~Aristotle

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor remarked, “My diabetes is such a central part of my life... it did teach me discipline... it also taught me about moderation... I've trained myself to be super-vigilant... because I feel better when I am in control.”

The accomplished men and women of history developed early on the discipline to avoid excesses and extremes, and to practice moderation in their personal and professional lives. One of the great writers and philosophers of his time, Voltaire said, “Use, do not abuse... neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.”

True professionals know that too much of anything, especially a good thing, is counterproductive to the benefits and enjoyment that come from having the thing in the first place. Very successful people have been known to go on a “bender” from time-to-time, they just don’t let it become a habit. They know the practice of moderation leads to the ultimate life experience: the fulfillment of one's potential.

What does it mean to avoid excesses and extremes, and practice moderation in all things?

As a true professional, you don’t overindulge in anything when among your work associates or clients. You may stretch a few things from time to time at home among family and friends, but as a practice you maintain a healthy balance in all things. Whether it be work, food, drink, smoke, medications, sex, shopping, cursing, gambling, television, video games, Internet surfing or social media, whatever it is, you know when to STOP, take a break and walk away.

If you have an addictive personality, an obsessive-compulsive disorder, or are otherwise susceptible to overdoing something, you have learned to avoid what triggers it and developed strategies for controlling it. You listen to your internal early warning system to hit the shutoff valve before going too far. When you start sliding a bit, and we all do, you have the strength of character to listen to someone who suggests you should stop, or dial it back. You realize the single biggest reason people self-destruct and ruin their careers is because of excesses and extremes they could not recover from – and you are determined never to become one of those people.

A true example

Success can breed excess, and eventually destroy one’s career and marriage. Such is the story of my former neighbor. Chuck was a rising star in a prominent law firm. He was the youngest attorney to ever make partner. He was bright, ambitious, and well-liked by all who knew him. He had a beautiful wife, three wonderful kids, and a big house in the suburbs. He was living the American dream.

Chuck loved to play poker. We had a neighborhood poker game every month; friendly stakes. Chuck won more than he lost. At the end of every game he would joke, “Ya’ll can come over my house and visit your money anytime you want.” Chuck was a winner.

Unbeknownst to most of us, Chuck also had a gambling problem. What little money he won from his neighbors would be blown along with tens of thousands of dollars at the local casino. He was also known to fly to Las Vegas frequently. Chuck, like many gamblers, thought he could beat the house. Unfortunately, the house always wins in the end.

As Chuck’s losses mounted, he began gambling more often and much larger amounts of money to try and recover his losses. This behavior led to the classic vicious cycle which consumes people who fail to recognize their actions and moderate accordingly. What’s more, it spilled over into other forms of bad judgment and addictive behaviors. Chuck began having an affair with his secretary at work. She loved trips to Vegas and the gifts he lavished upon her.

There is so much more to this story, most of it painful, but I can stop here. You can see a train wreck when it is coming. You may have guessed it: Chuck lost his job, his wife and his kids. The girlfriend didn’t stick around long either. The last time I talked to him he had moved in with his mother and father and was practicing as a sole practitioner. He still makes frequent trips to Las Vegas.

Data point

Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Excessive alcohol use, including underage drinking and binge drinking (drinking 5 or more drinks on an occasion for men or 4 or more drinks on an occasion for women), can lead to increased risk of health problems such as injuries, violence, liver diseases, and cancer. One in ten deaths of all working-aged people is caused by excessive alcohol consumption.

Strategies and tips for avoiding excesses and extremes, and practicing moderation in all things

So how do you put this internalized behavior into practice?

First, make balance a guiding principle of your lifestyle. Moderation is about finding a balance between two extremes: deprivation and overindulging. Avoid the yoyo effect by seeking middle ground. Neither completely deprive yourself of the things you desire, nor revolve your life around them. A healthy routine which provides good balance must be internalized and practiced as habit. If you try to adapt moderation to a given vice or situation, you will forever be swinging between two extremes. Internalize moderation so it becomes second nature.

Second, be on guard against the slippery slope. Say no to regular binges and cheat days, no matter how harmless they may seem. It is easy to rationalize the “weekly” binge or to make Saturdays the day you can overindulge. When you do that, you are programming your brain and your body to embrace extremes. Eventually, that behavior will catch up with you and, before you know it, you will be binging or cheating several days a week.

Third, reward balance and moderation by indulging (but not over-indulging) in the things you enjoy periodically. In fact, you will enjoy your indulgences that much more if they are taken in moderation. You can plan your treats like you plan a vacation. But like a vacation, schedule a reasonable start and end time, and set a budget. For example, if you enjoy gambling, schedule a date to visit a casino and set a limit on the time and amount of money you will spend while there.

Fourth, limit access to or the amount of the thing you want to indulge in. Remove from your home and office all the things that tempt you. If you’re a workaholic, set the lights to go off in your office at a certain time. If you want to munch while watching TV, don’t sit down with an entire bag of chips, put a handful in a bowl. If you enjoy a cigar occasionally, don’t buy an entire case, buy one at a time. Out of sight, out of mind, is a good strategy.

Fifth, listen to how you feel; trust your mind and your instincts. Most people get into trouble because they ignore their own conscience or the signals their bodies are sending their mind. Most people have a self-control meter. Heed it! If you have faulty wiring and your self-control meter is broken (not uncommon by the way), get a proper diagnosis and take the prescribed regiment to enhance your self-control.

Sixth, find a healthy surrogate for the thing you tend to overindulge in. People who stop smoking, for example, find success in replacing cigarettes with gum. People who are prone to consuming too many cocktails find success in substituting an alcoholic cocktail with soda water and a small shot of bitters or ginger ale. I knew a guy who was addicted to video games gave them up in favor of playing paint ball. Whatever works for you, substitute a craving or bad habit with a healthy surrogate.

Seventh, change your environment or your friends. This is a tough one, but sometimes you might find yourself in an unhealthy environment, or are too close to others with addictive personalities. We naturally become an extension of the people we associate with the most (another important behavior discussed later in this book). If the common practice of your friends or associates is to “overdo” everything, or take certain things to the extreme on the ill-advised presumption you are “living life to the fullest” well, it might be time to make a change. No job or no social group is worth having if membership requires always having to do something in excess.

Finally, the practice of moderation all comes down to mindfulness and self-discipline. You need to be in touch with who you are and where you are going to avoid the temptations that might take you off course. If you remain mindful of all your senses, the beauty of the world around you, and the special purpose you serve, your inner compass will stay true to what is right and good. Balance is always good.

The Final Word, by Dr. Phil McGraw

 ” When you choose your behavior, you choose your consequences.”

Good reads and resources

Faces of Moderation: The Art of Balance in an Age of Extremes, by Aurelian Craiutu

Benjamin Franklin: 48 Leadership and Life-Changing Lessons from Benjamin Franklin, by Sam Rees

We Have Met the Enemy: Self-Control in an Age of Excess, by Daniel Akst

The United States of Excess: Gluttony and the Dark Side of American Exceptionalism, by Robert Paarlberg

Her Best-Kept Secret: Why Women Drink-And How They Can Regain Control, by Gabrielle Glaser

Too Much of a Good Thing Is Bad: A Story about Moderation, by Howard Binkow and Reverend Ana

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stay tuned for Behavior #5 Take personal time, rest, reflect and regenerate.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Based on the book, A True Professional, by Michael O'Donnell