TRUE LOVE MEANS NON-ATTACH-MENT, NAMELY FREEDOM

Betz

I, Edwin have summarized and translated a few pages of Robert Betz's excellent book" Wahre Liebe Laesst Frei. "True Love Means Non-attachment, namely Freedom." The summary was for my family.     Published in 2009, this edition 2014-11th edition! I will connect Betz's excellent ideas with a few ideas of mine, especially in connection with etymology etc..:

 “L’amour est l’enfant de la liberte”, French proverb: “Love is the child of freedom.”

What does free mean? In my mother tongue, German, free means "frei", ausserlich und innerlich frei sein, --to be free within and without; thus, Freia is the Germanic goddess of love and marriage. When I am free, I can manage my life beautifully and do not need cigarettes, alcohol or vast amount of food, do not need to suppress others or myself, do not get easily angry or depressed, manage my everyday tasks and have power over my thoughts and feelings. Why? Because I am very near to love and love means happy, spiritual, "perfect", undivided, whole, holistic and healthy. Why healthy? Let me quote from Tibet: In Tibetan medicine, there are only three main reasons why we human beings get sick, unhealthy. No. 1: Confusion of thought, which indicates that we cannot manage and "control" our thoughts which jump, like monkeys on trees, from one end to the other, from the past (yesterday etc.) to the future, from the future to the past, from the past to the present etc. Why jumping? Because we are terrible! afraid of the present moment, everyone on this planet, because in the present moment we have to confront ourselves, we can see our positive side, but also our negative side which we tend to suppress totally: Our anger, hatred, jealousy, loneliness, our low self-esteem, our lack of love and compassion and our fears, especially our fear of getting older, of having pain, of losing our friends and of dying. "Nowhere" in the Western world, and nowadays also in the Eastern etc. world do people talk about death: not in families, not in schools, not in Universities, not in Colleges, not in newspapers or Television programs: almost totally suppressed. No. 2: The second reason for getting sick is attachment, not being free; I am dependent on my child, my job, my wife, my food, my anger, my fears, my jealousy, my cigarettes, my alcohol, my ideas. It is as if I were in chains, chained to my past, chained to my weaknesses and my unhappiness. No. 3:

Aversion: What does this mean? It merely means that I am not open to the world around me, and do not see the beauty of life: I do not understand and appreciate the kindness of a human being, his or her smile, gentle gestures, politeness, happy face; I do not see the spontaneity of a child, his, her innocence and goodness; I do not appreciate the sun on which we all depend; I do not recognize the rain, the flowers in the garden, the song of birds in the trees- in one word: God's creatures, God's nature. Why? Because I do not know myself, I do not know my thoughts and feelings and their tremendous impact on my life. All great cultures have a word for; to know oneself: Greek, gnotis auton, know yourself; Arabic, he who knows himself knows Allah. China:

Find yourself. China, Daoism, he who knows himself has a hundred lives! To my mind, this ancient sentence is extraordinary and so true. Only when I know myself will I be happy and can manage one hundred lives. Well, how to know myself? It is easy and difficult at the same time:

To my mind, we human beings must do meditation to reign in our tremendous egos, our greatest enemies to a fulfilled life. In Arabic medical doctor means "Al-Hakim", it also means "a wise man", al hak is truth and hakika reality. When my ego, which has about seven possibilities of changing reality, does indeed change fact frequently, I will get sick in the long run. And then? Pain, the great helper to change our lives, will help us to be more humble, more compassionate and more loving. To my mind, the only reason for getting sick is a call for change: "Change your life", change your thoughts, your feelings, your attitude to yourself and to others, your lifestyle. Thus, become a new human being, more whole, more holistic, more loving and compassionate. In Chinese cosmos means change and growth.

You are what your deep driving desire is; as your desire so is your will; as your will so is your deed; As your deed so is your character; As your character, so is your destiny.  Brihadaranyaka Upanishad  

 Healthy: Sanskrit, to be within oneself; the Japanese would call it: to be in Hara, in the centre, a few centimetres below the navel.

 Tibet: The Middle Way, The Way of the Buddha.

“If you do not have this idea of to die and become, you are but a sorry traveler upon this planet.” German: “Wenn du das nicht hast, das stirb und werde, bist du ein trueber Gast auf dieser Erde.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Germany, 19th century.

"Because the present is always a period of painful change, every generation views the world in the past, ..the Romans were obsessed with the world of Greece, the Greeks with the tribalists who preceded them…The Renaissance man lived in the Middle Ages, mentally and imaginatively. The 19th-century man lived in the Renaissance. We live in the nineteenth century. The image that we have of ourselves collectively in the Western World is from that period."

                 Marshall Mc. Luhan, The Global Village (written in the 20th century)

 Sikhism: "O Nanak! The whole world is suffering." Guru Granth Sahib. Hau-mai in the Sikh language means I.: Hau means "I", and "mai" means I = egoism; thus, selfishness is used twice to describe egoism or egotism. Man has, according to the Sikh tradition five so-called enemies: Lust, anger, envy, covetousness, attachment to "worldly things" and five virtues: truth, contentment, compassion piety, patience (= morality, self-control, forgiveness, love of God, humility). The word Sikh means disciple, learner.

      It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.                                                         Joseph Campbell

           It is foolish to ask for the gift of joy and the withdrawal of sorrow. Pleasures and pains are the two garments given to man from the court of God.

                                                                                               Guru Granth Sahib

 "Illness is the most heeded of doctors: to goodness and wisdom we only make promises; we obey pain." Marcel Proust

  I am the healer of all your ills. Baha'u' llah, Bahai faith

 Hildegard von Bingen: German Mystic: a.   Compassion and trust in God are of extreme importance. Jesus, the great medical doctor. I, Edwin, would like to add: Apart from faith and compassion, forgiving oneself and others and gratitude are of extraordinary significance for a happy and healthy life.

b. When soul and body resound in the most exceptional harmony, then they will achieve the highest reward of mutual joy and health. c. The disease is an exception. d. Love has the most significant healing power. e. Man as an image of God is his perfection. Hildegard von Bingen

----------------Nowadays we human beings project all our expectations on our partners, husbands or wives: love and friendship, sexual fulfilment and security, attachment and tolerance. Indeed, love for us means total fulfillment; however, it frequently means disappointment, pain and being hurt. Let me quote Betz: '" When we love we are like children, but in the body of so-called grown-ups, and we are hungry for attachment, compassion, understanding and spoiling. But why so many disillusions? Because we do not love ourselves first and foremost. Indeed. "I am the most important human being in my life... am I not? and "he who does not love himself first cannot expect to be loved by others."

Betz explains that two hungry children between the ages of sixteen to forty or even fifty come together to create a partnership. But this a partnership t will not work, because when growing up we experienced so much "non-love", so many disillusions, so many hurts, on the part of our ("loving") parents, so that we all! are filled with anger and hatred, which is first and foremost in ourselves: Can you imagine that the child within myself hates itself tremendously?

How can we love another person when there is so much hurt, so much anger in ourselves and when we, subconsciously, look for someone who helps us get rid of our negative feelings and thoughts. Thus, practically all partnerships on our planet are doomed to fail, unless we manage to work on our character and have access to our inner thoughts and feelings so that we can change them slowly and certainly.

What does the average man and woman want? They want to escape from their

loneliness by looking for a partner: "I do not want to stay alone", and "my partner should make me happy. "How can an unhappy person make me happy? How can a young man help his partner or a young woman help her partner, if they cannot experience the greatness and fascination of our planet, the beauty of the sky at night, the formation of the clouds in the sky, the beauty of a tree, flower or a flying bird, or manage to be totally alone and enjoy he silence of the present moment, the silence within, and not running away from the many negative thoughts and feelings of the past and present. But, most human beings, instead of changing themselves, both, men and women try to change the other person by projecting their enormous anger or fear of their childhood on their partner. Why so much anger or fear?

But before we answer this question, let me indicate what we human beings are according to different cultures. China: "When man is born, his being is good." Mencius, for example, believes that every human being has empathic feelings and can share his goodness. In Polish, for example, happy means: to share. In Japan a human being has "the Spirit (of God) within. In Russian human being means "tschelowek", the one who has got eternity on his or her forehead. In Greek, anthropos, the one who looks up at the sky and asks: "Where do I come from, where do I go to? ?" In Hebrew, human being means "naefaesh", breath, soul, desire, to be sensible of. Bantus, to my mind, have a very interesting explanation for human being, namely: muntu or mutu: the ancestors, the gods, those alive. In Arabic, Persian and Turkish human being means: insan, root, ons, anisa, friendship and community- and indeed, friendship and community I experienced living and teaching in Cairo and Istanbul for nine wonderful years. In Chinese human being means: mien, feeling, enlightened, instructed and in Sanskrit: manu, manusha, to think (manu), and manas, heart, body, the spirit, the thinking process.

Thus we can see when looking at the etymology of different cultures what a high respect different cultures have of us human beings.

And yet, we create so many problems for ourselves and for others. Why?

First of all, men and women are so very different! But not only men and women, but the whole of life seems to be organized according to opposites, according to polarity: We differentiate between day and night, man and woman, intellect and heart, right and left, cold and warm, aggressive and friendly, etc. Thus, man and woman belong together,

 And once they understand the fact that in Chinese "male and female energy" means peace", the partners can work for this peace. Problems and crises are natural because no-one of us is perfect, but we can try to have "command" over our lives. Crisis in both Greek and Chinese also means chance, opportunity, but only, if we think positively and with compassion and love.

I believe that problems and crises only come when we need them. For what purpose? When we human beings are out of balance or out of harmony with the cosmic powers called God, in Chinese Heaven.

Men and women are so different that only very loving and understanding couples can manage their relationship. And when there are many problems it is suffering, called disease, accident or divorce that can help us, humans, to wake up, be more aware, understanding and kind. Correct?

Not only Asian and Oriental women have problems with being a woman; the larger part of Western women has not shown her daughters that it is wonderful to be a woman and that she can be lucky to be a real woman in a few years.                                                                                                       

Our Western women are tired, exhausted, often frustrated in the midst of their lives of forty plus, and have an unhealthy body, especially unhealthy are the typical female organs such as breasts, uterus and ovaries. These women have been caring for their families all their lives, their children, their partners, even their parents. But they have never realized that the most important person of their own life are they themselves, their happiness and energy. But many women find it very difficult to see themselves as the most important person.                                                                                                                                                                    

I would like to mention the following: usually, women follow the present fashion. What others wear they also want to wear. Let us take the elastic jeans, for example. I am aware that these jeans show women's beautiful legs. But the question is if these trousers are healthy or not? Have you ever asked yourself why traditional cultures have frocks for women and not trousers? The answer I have found was the following: Frocks give access to the energy of mother earth, and thus the mother earth can quickly enter and touch the very sensitive sexual organs of women.

And we men? Our background and history? Most probably every man alive on this beautiful planet has murderers or killers in his family in history. We men, for hundreds of years, have been trained to follow the rules, be it as workers or soldiers. For more than two thousand years, we men have been asked to wage wars, to obey blindly, to be disciplined and obedient. And, according to Betz, our past as soldiers and obedient human beings is deeply ingrained in us men and also occurs in the education of sons. A son should not weep, should not show his soft sides and feelings.

 Men and women alike accuse their mothers because of their "unhappy" upbringing. Most of the men and women (in the Western world) do not manage to come to terms with their mothers before forty or even later. This fact is unfortunate indeed because by openly expressing the shortcomings of education on the part of the mother, an exchange of opinion can bring understanding, forgiveness, gratitude, peace and inner freedom for "everyone" in the family.

Betz talks about "The banishment from paradise". Incidentally, paradise is a Farsi (Persian) word, because the Persians had wonderful gardens or parks through which water was flowing. Why banishment? Betz mentions that all of us want to be happy, want to be accepted and loved, and want satisfying sexual relations. And all of these aspects we project on our relationship or marriage. But when we look at the faces of Western (only Western?) people, what do we see? Happy people or rather the opposite? According to Betz, there are hardly any people who manage life happily and with a smile. Moreover, he encourages us to look intensively at the faces of people and their eyes and to look at ourselves in the mirror several times a day and try to find out about ourselves. Most of the eyes indicate sadness, loneliness, disappointment and unfulfilled nostalgia.

 But when we were children, it was quite different. Our eyes were wide awake, full of energy and openness. The child we once were was full of love, of high emotions and beautiful feelings, and we went around with open arms, sensitive feelings and an open heart.

But the child soon learned that the way it once was, full of enthusiasm (etymology: filled with the Divine) and happiness, was not accepted and appreciated.

 The child quickly learned that the love of the parents was tied to conditions.

 The child, being open and enthusiastic, ran into the free knife", according to Betz and Betz realized that that expression was dramatic and tough, but it was the truth. The child, this innocent child of total goodness and innocence had been driven out of paradise by his parents. But if the child follows the "commands or suggestions" of the parents, or to put it differently, is obedient and forgets his nature and wishes, it will be loved. What is tragic is that every child learns that it can only get the parent's love through good behaviour and being good in school. So what? Betz goes on to tell us that in the first four to six years of a young child, its future and partnership is formed. The child, being corrected, again and again, feels unloved and thinks: "My parents and other human beings do not accept the way I am." What children hear at home, in kindergarten or primary school are frequently negative remarks and often comparisons with other children. So what? The child is filled with sadness and develops a negative image of himself.

Moreover, fear, inferiority complex, shame and guilt attack the child. How can the child reduce his pain? The child separates himself from his feelings of joy and happiness, closes his heart which has been longing to love and be loved and starts to manage his life by using intellectual strategies. It goes from the heart to the non- feeling intellect, which is the "boss" from now on. The child has changed from an enthusiastic and loving being to a being similar to his parents. What a tragedy?

At the beginning of his life, the child said YES to life, but later on, the answer to life and himself is NO. And this "No" has tremendous consequences because he has never learned to cope with problems, relationships and conflicts.

 Betz says something exciting: "Today's classical Psychology is unaware of the child's extraordinary creativity when very young."

Thus, partnerships have many problems, going back to their parents and their society.

The next pages you will find in a separate article: No. 2, Betz, also on LinkedIn.