Trouble at The Top

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference.

Not normally one to quote prayers in my ramblings, I have made an exception today, because the above idea is one of those that is becoming increasingly important, while also being increasingly forgotten. But who cares about what some crusty old prayer has to say? With tech we can change the world!

One of the best things about technological progress is that it gives us more of what we want; one of the worst things about technological progress, however, is that it gives us more of what we want. It is only now that many people are waking up to the idea that what we want is not necessarily what will fulfil us. I believe this moment will be seen as the end of an époque of great unthinking consumption, perhaps even the dawn of a new enlightenment, but there are some parts of our collective thinking which are falling behind. Let’s take a look at what I mean.

As one of Thatcher’s children, I grew up surrounded by the idea that all human needs could be satisfied through consumption. Yes ok, the received wisdom was that ‘the best things in life are free’, but we all knew that to be a lie; we knew because The Flying Lizards told us by dismissively singing ‘but you can give them to the birds and bees; I want money.’ It’s no coincidence that that song, still part of the collective consciousness to this day, was released in 1979, the year that Maggie first claimed No.10. Then, a few years later, Madge followed up by declaring this a material world and that she was, in fact, a material girl.

Somehow, between then and now, we came to the realisation that money was not quite as important as our politicians and pop stars had led us to believe. Or rather, that stuff was not quite so important.

Madonna. Image from PEXELS. The best things in life are free.

As we all know, the last good thing to have been invented was the iPod. It was a brilliant pocket computer that could only play songs but it took the world by storm because it innovated the concept of white cables. As it was just an MP3 player, many pundits argued that Apple were merely reinventing the wheel, which of course they were, but this wheel was different; it was clicky, you see. Since then, we’ve had an iPod which is also a phone, cameras which are also phones, and maps which are also phones.

We’re now at the point where we’re desperately scrabbling to invent new things. What was that juicer called? You know the one; it was invented in Silicon Valley which meant it was smart. How it worked was that you ordered some juice in a carton from the internet, which cost about ￡5 a glass. The juicer opened it directly into a glass. Then there was the fidget spinner, which made billions of dollars but didn’t do anything. And those things that you stick to the back of your phone to make it less mobile. We’re promised that flying cars are on their way but I don’t think they’ll ever take off.

A non-flying non-car. Photo by sl wong from Pexels

It’s OK, though, because as anyone who knows the slightest thing about marketing will tell you, nobody wants stuff anymore. Why? Because when you take a photo of it on your iPhone, it makes you look all materialistic and lame. Unless its something you’re supposed to eat. Take a photo of that, obviously. If you’re going to take a photo for your next humblebrag, it needs to be of you doing something awesome, otherwise people will think you’re a normie. Zip wires, deep-sea diving, zorbing; that kind of thing.

So now we have true fulfilment! Well no; you can’t spend your whole life travelling around South-East Asia, meeting awesome people from Australia, especially if you’re an executive. It’s ok occasionally, if you’re the founder of a startup that makes apps that connect with your share every awesome moment... your values are truly connected with your... share your awesome... wherever you...

Sorry; I just nodded off there, for a second. Anyway, stuff is out, doing stuff is in. But that doesn’t really tell us anything, does it? ‘Experience’ is just a marketing word for ‘doing a thing’. Sometimes it will be fulfilling and sometimes it won’t. But just like we did with acquiring stuff, we’ll soon get bored of taking photos for likes, because it really is just as shallow. So what do some of the most successful people in the world do for fun? It goes without saying that being a super-high achiever is its own reward in many ways. But there also needs to be more.

The problem that many executives have is that they’re bored of the stuff, like everyone else, and many probably have all sorts of incredible experiences. What’s more, they also have autonomy, influence and well, you know, power. So, what’s bothering so many of them?

I sat down yesterday with Executive CV Writer & Transition Coach Judith Phoenix-Meese to find out. ‘The problem that many of these people have,’ she told me, ‘is that they have stopped taking the time to think about themselves. They are fantastic at what they do; they can successfully run a large organisation and lead hundreds or thousands of people. That leaves very little left for them. The time I spend with them helps them to do that again.

‘Execs have stopped taking the time to think about themselves.’

‘They’re so busy living an exciting life, but everything they do is external, outside of themselves.’

Phoenix-Meese went on to explain that, before she can begin talking to an exec in detail about their next career-move, she needs to get to know them properly, to start to understand what would truly make them happy.

‘It can be frustrating for them because, when you lead so many people, and you’re used to getting things done and driving change, it can be tough when you feel you aren’t able to change the things which are important in your own situation. This is when people start to feel trapped. For some of these CEO’s, CTO’s, etc, the reason they are unhappy or frustrated lies in the culture of the organisation. However, quite often the root of their dissatisfaction lies much deeper. For these people, a move to another company would still leave them feeling exactly the same, which means that changing the outside world won’t bring them what they’re looking for. When the change that’s needed is internal, this often means it’s time for a complete change of direction.

It must be emphasised that not all members of the C-suite are unhappy—far from it—but it can be surprising and enlightening when they are. Luckily for them, they have the resources to make that radical internal change if they have to. But what of the rest of us? If money, ‘experiences’ and power aren’t enough, then what is?

My theory, and it is just a theory, is that we need to stop worrying so much about happiness. If the directors-of-the-board have shown us anything, it’s that sometimes, you just need to look after yourself. That, by the way, has nothing to do with being selfish. You can look after others too. you can have all the stuff, you can do all the things, but sometimes you just need to be yourself, inside yourself. It doesn’t matter if you’re deliriously happy—it’s impossible to feel like that much of the time—you just have to be ok. Fulfilment is just that, being content.

The last few decades have tricked us into thinking us that we deserve to be happy the whole time, that we’re all special and important, and increasingly, that we can all be famous. None of these things matter. The most important thing you can do is make sure you’re just ok, that you’re friends and family are ok, that the community your business serves is ok. The age of excess and dreams is over. No matter how much we have been led to believe that we can bend the world to our will, there are limits to what we can do, what we can change and often, that change has to be inside. The one thing we know, and I am living proof of this, is that we can change ourselves. Sometimes that’s all it takes to be fulfilled

I also think things are ok as they are sometimes. Sometimes stillness is the objective. Let this new époque be the era of enough, of being ok, of just... being.

Matt Shewbridge is also known as www.shewbridgecoaching.com and helps people like you get the jobs they really want.