The trouble with trouble, is that it starts out as fun!

This morning I had a moment of panic ??, several moments if I’m honest. It took having to do some CBT on myself to get me out of the funk I fell into.

I’ll start from the beginning. ??

I opened my eyes this morning and after asking my AI what I needed to know for today, I did the usual of checking emails ?? and then socials ?? and that’s when things went wrong.

I saw in my LinkedIn Notifications that an ex-coach I had years ago reposted a video with part of the title saying “When women face stress they often show a unique respon….”. True to LinkedIn Notification style I couldn’t see the rest of it without opening it, but I didn’t need to, I knew exactly what this meant, I knew what I did yesterday, and still in my just waking up from sleep pre-coffee haze ?? I went from calm to panicked!!!

See, the last few days I’ve gone from hating posting on LinkedIn to having fun ??, but at the cost of what?! You know what they say, the trouble with trouble is that it starts off as fun, and boy I’ve been having a lot of fun the last two days and as someone with a high risk appetite this perhaps will not bode well.

Anxiety started creeping in. What? I’m human. It’s a normal response even if I am a trained NLP, CBT, and Transactional Analysis coach (shameless plug ??). If you’ve ever come across the book by Portia Nelson, 'There Is A Hole In My Sidewalk - A Romance of Self-Discovery' and autobiography in 5 Short Chapters, I was in Chapter 3 this morning (the autobiography is literally one page, check it out). I needed to do something quick before I spiralled so started a Thought Record ?? which is a fantastic way to assess if my thinking is true.

Here’s how it went.

Immediate Thought/s

1. I’ve blown it ??.

2. My LinkedIn posts the last two days have been risky and my ex-coach posted their post because of me ??.

3. Editing my first podcast is stressing me out and it’s showing, I must be looking like I am unravelling online ??.

4. I haven’t seen anyone else posting like I am on LinkedIn so has to be a unique stress response ??.....

**Tip: start paying attention and audit your immediate thoughts, these usually highlight insecurities and core beliefs that do not serve you. For example: if your boss randomly requests a meeting and your first thought is 'I'm going to get fired'. Notice if you take what someone else says or does and internalise it to find fault with self, that's a good place to start your internal audit.

Feeling/s

1. Panicked ??

2. Anxious ??

Feeling Intensity

Panicked (60%)

Anxious (75%)

***Tip: we sometimes default to sensationalising, saying things like ‘I was furious’ when we were really just peeved ??. 100% intensity should be reserved for very strong feelings, think feeling this way ‘like never before’. Sometimes just adjusting intensity to match what the situation that invoked the emotion actually merits is all you need to change how you respond. For example, if you convince yourself something makes you furious your response would need match that, relative to the unique way you usually respond as everyone is different. But if you realise you are just peeved you might decide not to 'major in minor things' and apply the delicious strategy of Forgedaboutit!

(Will share how sensationalising is no bueno soon ??)

Evidence For my Thoughts/Feelings

1. Josh (my 15-year-old son) read my LinkedIn post yesterday and said that I obviously don’t care about my reputation anymore ??♂?.

2. Impressions on my posts the last few days have been a lot higher than usual but it’s almost ghost town in the comments (shout out to Gemma, Gosha, Niushan and Riah who always have my back on my posts, you guys rock!).

3. I knew this was risky, I’m too colourful for LinkedIn ??, not posting on LinkedIn for years at a time was probably a self-defence mechanism because I know me.

4. I know I am not following Adrienne’s LinkedIn tips properly, I latched onto her saying be yourself and ran with just that, ignoring all other guidance ??♀?.

Evidence Against my Thoughts/Feelings

1. I haven’t even read the rest of my ex-coach’s post, how do I even know it’s about me ??♀?.

2. Even the way that I breathe embarrasses Josh, writing in Klingon in my LinkedIn post yesterday was definitely going to send him over the edge ??.

3. Impressions do not = views, probably hardly anyone noticed I’m being colourful ??.

4. How do I know for sure that being colourful on LinkedIn is even a disaster ???

Balanced Thinking ??♀?

1. I’ve now read/watched my ex-coach’s post and it wasn’t about me at all ??.

2. I am taking a risk with my LinkedIn posts and naturally concerned it may backfire, so got triggered by half a title and internalised it before checking it out ????.

3. I need to investigate this further but a quick Google search ???♂? indicates that impressions are not views, but how many chances my content has to be seen by others - so higher impressions than normal might actually mean that the algorithm is liking my new format, hurrah! ??

New Feeling + Intensity

Excited (60%) ????

Crooked thinking happens to everyone. Sometimes F.E.A.R., false evidence appearing real, stems from our insecurities, which are the window to which we view the world so it is important to work through them ????. If you don’t work through them and allow them to pile up, your window to the world will be akin to a windscreen on a car that is covered by crushed bugs, affecting your visibility and impairing how you navigate driving on the road ????. We carry insecurities from as far back as childhood, so it can’t be fun living life triggered at every turn if we have a lot of them????.

It’s human nature to put more energy into looking for evidence for our thinking than against, so you can imagine how much internalising of messages not actually meant for us is going on around the world ???? and how syndromes like imposter syndrome can be so hard to beat. You've done it, and so have others. For example, have you ever once said or did something innocently and someone took it the wrong way and seemingly over-reacted? We are always on the lookout for what justifies our insecurities, even to the point of extracting 7 words of a 10 word sentence said by someone else to make it fit, discounting the other 3 words that give it different context or meaning.

If this is you and you are sick and tired of it, there is an easier way, get a coach ?????? and if my quirky vibe to coaching appeals to you, send me a DM here on LinkedIn and let me share with you other cool ways to change your mindset and get relief ????.

If you don’t need a coach because your windscreen is fairly clear, I love this for you! ???? And if you need a coach but aren’t ready for one, I hope you find my example of using Thought Records a quick way to change your mindset in a thought through, evidence-based way and turn F.E.A.R. into to face everything and recover ??????.

My coaching training and experience extends beyond just business to also counselling and for many years have worked with execs from different backgrounds who turned to self-medicating to alleviate stress and burnout and are searching for a way to overcome rather than cope ??????. Is this you?

Did you know that we all self-medicate in one way or another because life gets in the way for everyone at one point or another! Some people are fortunate that their psychological preference or conditioned method is something healthy like exercise or meditation ??♂????♀?in moderation of course. But, you can also learn to overcome and stop having to use band-aids. Just make the decision to and like one of my favourite NLP coaches says, “never leave the scene of a decision without taking action” ????♀?.

Connect with me and send me a DM. You have my ear ????.