The Trouble with Jesus Blog: How To Get a Divorce
“Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”
It was an explosive question in the first century and still has its ramifications two millennia later. Under what grounds should divorce be taken? When both people find they are incompatible? When there is a relationship based on emotional, physical, sexual abuse? When values change to differing perspectives? What is the situation which should permit persons to throw in the towel and call it quits?
Except…when Pharisees brought this question to Jesus, it wasn’t that they were looking for honest clarification on marriages gone bad. Behind it, and granted this wasn’t the only time this kind of thing happened, they were trying to trap him. If he disagreed with the ancient Mosaic law, they could make a big deal of it by trying to discredit him among his many followers.
And to add more spark to the tinder, everyone knew it was this kind of thing that got John the Baptist beheaded. He was imprisoned and ultimately executed for criticizing Herodias for her divorce so she could marry Herod . Should Jesus likewise make a similar reference, they could slyly suggest to the Roman rulers Jesus should share the same fate. Slick were they.
Instead, using the age-old tactic of debate, Jesus parries their attack with another question. “What did Moses the law-giver have to say about it?” Sounds fair enough; go back to the ancient laws on which all good Jews base their lives. That’s where these holy henchmen were headed anyway.
The Loophole
It turns out there is a passage which allowed for divorce, Deuteronomy 24:1-4 .?They summarized it as all a man had to do was to hand his wife divorce papers and kick her out the door. Done. Nothing about any appeals on her side or what her rights in the relationship were. If she displeased her husband, she was history.
Maybe the Pharisees brought up this question because they noticed something about Jesus with which they could hook him. He didn’t seem to understand or value the way the world worked, how to get ahead in the world you need to play up to the power brokers and influencers in the world. Instead, he championed the losers , the ones who had fallen so low they looked up at bottom. He was known for saying things like, “Anyone who wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of all .” Then there were his stories of lost sheep and lost sons . (Luke 15) Don’t forget how he’d also accepted people who were not of the children of Abraham .?(Matthew 15: 21-28) A guy like that would take the side of women who often lost it all on the whim of a man. In the end, Jesus had no friends in high places, and they could get him dismissed without a ripple of protest from the big-shots they played with.
They were right. Yet, without their realizing it, Jesus had turned their question away from what was a statement of a man’s right in a relationship, turning it from their cherished legalism to God’s intention of marriage. Ok, Jesus dug some of his own hole when he did it but count that up to how he penetrated their phony portrayals of the holy.
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Sure, Moses permitted divorce but “only as a concession to your hard-hearted wickedness.” Jesus then took them to the creation story, a story which preceded the law and was based in God’s original design of creation including man and woman in God’s own image. He quoted how the two are to become united as one, and in that union intended by God there should be no separation.
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Which means….? Jesus was forbidding divorce! No way out once the pact is made? It’s for life as far as God is concerned? Look around, will you. In today’s world, this’ll never work. Don’t think we side with the Pharisee’s scheming plot to erase this rabbi, but this idea just isn’t going to fly with more than half the people we know.
How God Feels About It
Yeah, that’s the point. People aren’t perfect. Know though Jesus was giving them the ideal, God’s plan for the highest relationship known to humans and what that should mean. True, the ancient writings record God as saying, “I hate divorce! ” Hear that though not as a statement of anger and rage but as one of divine agony when relationship is broken. The pain of divorce hurts God as much as nails pounded through flesh and bone.
In effect, Jesus’ words were not so much about when divorce should be legal but rather what marriage is meant to be. In its best form, marriage reflects God’s love, a love that is not conditional, a love that is eternal in its caring, honoring, knowing and being known in faithful devotion to and trust in one another. As it is, when relationships fail, it’s a failure in upholding the love of God.
Whereas the Pharisees’ question has its basis of concern in only a man’s right in the relationship, Jesus later expanded it in responsibility and accountability for both men and women. In short, whenever a person divorces and remarries, it is the same as adultery. A divorce decree does not nullify the commitment made in heaven. That is, God does not forget it.
How Could God Forget?
Interestingly, the next scene is of Jesus reprimanding the disciples for not allowing parents with children to have access to him. Inherent in children are the emotional commitments of the relationship that created them. It’s as if there’s within each being a spiritual DNA which tells a person from whom they came and to whom they belong. Regardless of the reason a relationship may be broken, it never goes away. As God loves and wants to be loved exclusively forever, so relationships should never have anyone else take its place.
At the center of that God-Marriage relationship is grace. People aren’t perfect, and marriages which extend grace to each other operate and are sustained by it. At its foundation is extending love to the other as they are and allowing them to love you as they can. Similarly, God offers forgiveness and mercy when a relationship with God in Jesus is also dishonored or broken.
Even so, Jesus welcomed the children, for in their vulnerability children are drawn toward and trust the love that comes to them only because they are who they are. It wasn’t that they were or ever could be perfect kids; neither will any of us ever be perfect either. Jesus loved that they were brought to him by imperfect parents with imperfect relationships with a hope that by being touched, taken into Jesus’ arms and blessed, these children would know God’s merciful love. So may we.
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