Triggers - what do they say about us?
We all have received that kind of email that makes us mad! That comment from a colleague that irritates profoundly! Or someone bossing us around, can bring up a lot of irritation and frustration.
What do you usually do when something like this happens to you?
Do you react or respond?
Do you fight, flight, freeze, fawn?
First, it is important to understand triggers! Because understanding and managing them is essential for both personal and professional growth. Personal triggers, those seemingly small events or interactions that evoke strong emotional responses, can significantly impact our performance, relationships, and overall well-being.?
Personal triggers are specific situations, words, or behaviors that elicit intense emotional reactions.?
Triggers can be deeply personal: what triggers me, doesn’t necessarily trigger other people involved, in the same way! Because they are often rooted in past experiences or unresolved issues.
Triggers are infectious! If I am triggered and I do not deal with them, I will impact the environment and anyone present. It will feel like a dark cloud that gets bigger and bigger and fills up the whole room!
The good news is that triggers are manageable! Woop Woop! We can do something about them!
First thing to do is to become aware of what triggers us!
I have noticed that anything that comes across as controlling or limiting, bossy or diminishing triggers me quite a lot!
As much as triggers build self-awareness, I consider them as data to show me what part of me I still need to heal and issues I still need to resolve. What values of me are being stepped on or not respected!
What others do has nothing to do with us. As I see it, they are like mirrors showing us parts of ourselves that we do not want to see. Parts we have hidden deep down and shush-ed them for long and find them hard to accept!
Like: when I experience control in other people, it makes me uneasy and triggered. Now that I understand how triggers work, they only show me that controlling part of me that I find it so hard to accept. When this happens, I tend to breathe, laugh at myself and say: “Yep, I have to admit that I am a bit controlling as well!” And breathe it out! It makes me feel compassion for myself and the other person as well. See them in the light of them being human and struggling (even though sometimes they might be completely unaware of it)!
It sounds simple, right?! Sometimes, it takes a little longer than that!
But in principle, what I found that works in general is:?
Acknowledge the trigger/s!?
Challenge your thoughts! Sometimes when we are triggered, we create assumptions and “worst case scenarios” to justify our reactions! When this happens, try to reframe the perspective and get out of your own way! What is the truth? What might have happened that you are unaware of? What other side of the story is there?
Accept that part of you that is triggered! Anytime it shows up, breathe into it, take some space to calm down and ground yourself!
If you cannot see at that moment, what this is mirroring in you or what values are disrespected, no worries - simply breathe and put yourself in a position where you feel safe and able to respond rather than react. A place where you are grounded enough to consciously choose what serves best!
What always works in this process is to be kind to yourself when you are triggered. Recognize that everyone has triggers and that it's okay to feel strong emotions. Self-compassion can help you recover more quickly and maintain your emotional well-being.
Self-care and rest are so important! I have noticed that when my battery is low, I get triggered more often and it takes longer for me to reach that grounded responsive place. Take care of yourself and not letting yourself empty the cup totally! Keep pouring and filling it up so you are in better position to handle triggers.
Remember it is a constant journey of awareness and some effort to turn triggers into opportunities for growth and resilience. If you or your team needs assistance to navigate them, please do reach out!