The Tricky Thing About Grief

Yesterday I had a procedure to have glass removed from my big toe. Glass mind you, that had been in there since two in a half months ago.

When I got the Xray last week that revealed I had three glass particles in my toe that would have to be pulled out, I was like I absolutely don't have time for this.

So the next day I went to my physical trainer, got dressed that night for dancing at a gala, and went to Chicago for the weekend to visit my friends.?

After all, the glass toe that had allowed me to work with a trainer five days a week (for weeks) prior, carried me on two in a half mile walks frequently, and seemed to be completely content compressed in shoes - at times for hours, was fine.

Until by the time I got off the train, I could barely walk. I was in so much pain that the Wednesday appointment I made I attempted to move up to Monday which was unfortunately an epic failure.

As I sat on the table yesterday and the doctor explained to me what the procedure would entail I started to cry. I knew the pain was going to feel unbearable, but I also knew this was the first time I was having a semi-serious medical procedure where I was completely and utterly alone.

The tears that started to flow was partially about the pain I knew I was going to feel, but it was also grief for not having someone by my side.?

The last time I had something like this happen my ex husband and I were dating and I was having a bunion removed. The pain from the anesthesia that day more than twenty five years ago, was the same pain I felt yesterday, resulting in screaming and a series of curse words.

That's the thing about grief. It will swoop in when you least expect it.

I allowed myself to feel sadness, anger, and disbelief about how my life had landed here. And today I woke up with renewed energy to start again.

I feel more hopeful than ever that my person, the one who will be by my side in the moments of unspeakable pain is coming, and in the meantime, I will honor whatever comes my way as I prepare for them. My hope is if you can relate, you will do the same.

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Let's roll with unexpected grief,

Demarra West

Founder