The Tricky Business of Skillful Authenticity

Being true to ourselves at work is tricky business.

When we get it right, we discover that it's possible to love who we're being, not just what we do. We feel uplifted and alive. We are empowered to serve the greatest good.

When we get it wrong, things can get real bad real fast.

I invite you to imagine the following scenario while also noticing what’s happening in your body.

Your company is undergoing (another) major restructure. Your boss has decided not to take on board your suggestion that the first step is to have one-on-one conversations with everyone who will be impacted, and he has sent an all-employees email announcing the restructure.

The rumour mill is in over-drive. Your top-performing team member has suddenly become very active on LinkedIn, and another has told you that they’re feeling very anxious. This is making you very nervous about meeting the next key milestone of a large project you’re accountable for delivering.

Your boss calls an urgent meeting with you to talk about what’s going on and what to do about it. As the meeting progresses, your boss’s lack of awareness of and empathy for those impacted by the restructure becomes very apparent. You start to feel like you’re in a scene from The Office.

You’re working hard to play it cool, but when your boss expresses his annoyance at all ‘the kerfuffle about first-world problems’ you can no longer hide your frustration. An eye-roll escapes.

Noticing your body language, your boss asks if there is something you would like to share, and you take a deep breath and say…

‘Thanks so much for asking. Allow me to explain exactly what’s going on for me right now. So, there’s this part of me that hates you right now for putting us in this situation. Then there’s this other part that’s angry about having to work for someone who is quite clueless about the impact these sorts of changes have on people. Then there’s this part of me that just wants to fast-forward to 8.00 pm so I can eat pizza, drink wine, scroll through social media and go online shopping to buy stuff I don’t need. And if I’m being really honest, there’s also a very vulnerable part of me that’s terrified because they believe that if I can’t get my project back on track, I’m completely and utterly worthless. Oh, wait, there’s more … I just noticed a part that is judging me for thinking all of this and another part that is shaming me right now for oversharing. But you know what? Deep down, I really do believe that we are both good people just doing the best we can in difficult circumstances.'

How did imagining this scenario make you feel? Perhaps you experienced a blend of terror, relief and exhilaration?

Of course, in a situation like this one, when our boss asks us if there is something we would like to share, we’ll usually say something much closer to, ‘Oh, no. Nothing.’

So, is it possible to navigate moments of inner turmoil such as this one in a way that’s both honest and discerning? Authentic and professional?

Can we open to the possibility that we have many parts and keep our jobs?

Can we be true to ourselves in a way that is grounded, brave and kind?

The answer is yes.

Not only can we embrace all the different parts of ourselves and keep our jobs, when done skilfully, it can make us much better at them.

So, how can you begin to practice skillful authenticity?

OPEN TO A NEW UNDERSTANDING OF SELF

As a starting point it’s essential to recognise that there is not just one 'you' to know and reveal to the world.

Multiplicity of the human mind is natural, normal and universal. We all have a 'core self' and many different ‘parts’. ?

So the gateway to skillful authenticity is a whole new understanding of self. You might like to think of this as self-awareness 2.0. I call this foundational skill 'true self-awareness’.

I define true self-awareness as: the compassionate cultivation of a deep understanding of our true nature, our core self and our many different parts.

ESTABLISH SELF-LEADERSHIP

Building on this more accurate understanding of self, it’s helpful to begin to think of your parts as versions of yourself that are too young and too inexperienced to drive.

With practice, compassion, curiosity and patience, we can get to know our parts and learn how best to care for them.

Over time, we can help them to trust in us and to see that things go better where we (our core selves) are in charge. We can learn how to get them out of the drivers seat and regain control of the wheel.

Once this self-leadership is established, we can support our parts to play more appropriate, better resourced roles in our inner system.

Over time, we can build a powerful inner alliance through what I call the practice of 'self-fidelity'.

PRACTICE SELF-FIDELITY

I teach five foundational practices of skillful authenticity, or what I refer to as ‘self-fidelity’.

These practices support us to build a strong inner alliance and restore faith in our true nature.

Practice #1: Discovering your inner team

The practise of staying in the driver’s seat instead of being swept away by your inner dialogue. The intention of this practice is to create a sense of inner spaciousness so you can begin to relate to your parts from a place of connection to the qualities of your core self.

Practice #2: Understanding the key players

The practice of being curious about the many different aspects of yourself. The intention of this practice is to become more familiar with the key players and the dynamics of your inner world.

Practice #3: Caring for your parts

The practice of extending compassionate reassurance to the parts of you that need your leadership. The intention of this practice is to build on your understanding of your parts to care for them in very specific ways and create your inner alliance.

Practice #4: Remembering who you are

The practice of reigniting vital aspects of yourself that have been turned down to pilot-light setting. The intention of this practice is to salvage powerful innate qualities that you have forgotten, lost connection with, or abandoned.

Practice #5: Harnessing your essence

The practice of reconnecting to your essence as an uplifting and renewable energy source. The intention of this practice is to tap into a powerful, inner source of energy and vitality that has the potential to uplift you, those you lead and those you love.

The more I work with brave, big-hearted leaders who are pioneering these practices in their workplaces and homes, the more I get a clear sense for how they can powerfully guide us to be good leaders and good humans.

And the more I understand their potential to uplift our working lives.

No matter how far you have drifted away from your core, it’s never too late to remember and honour the truth of who you are.

AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP COACHING: THE TRICKY BUSINESS OF BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF AT WORK

I teach the tricky business of skillful authenticity.

In a nutshell, I help leaders be who they need to be in order to do what they need to do to serve the greatest good.

I do this by guiding leaders to explore their inner worlds, rediscover their true selves and build trusting relationships with their many different ‘parts’ using an evidence-based model (IFS).

As a leadership coach, I work one-on-one and in groups with big-hearted leaders who want to love who they’re being at work, not just what they do.

CURIOUS TO LEARN MORE?

Grab a signed copy of my new book?Being True?published by Hardie Grant.

‘When I developed IFS, I knew that I could only take it so far. So I’m thoroughly honoured that Cassie Goodman, a wonderfully talented teacher and writer, with extensive corporate leadership experience, has written this book that will inspire so many leaders to access their true selves and love their parts in ways that I never could. Cassie, I’m so grateful! Being True is a must-read for all leaders.’

RICHARD SCHWARTZ, PH.D. DEVELOPER OF INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS) ADJUNCT FACULTY DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHIATRY HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL

‘If you are ready to take the inner game of authentic leadership to a whole new level, you must read this book.’

PROFESSOR ALEX CHRISTOU, MANAGING DIRECTOR, THRIVE GLOBAL ASIA PACIFIC

‘Being True is an invitation to create space to explore who we truly are as leaders and as people. It helped me to realise the importance of putting myself on my list of priorities. My emotional response to identifying my many parts took me by surprise – in a good way. It was a powerful experience.’

MOHINI SASHINDRANATH CPA, DEPUTY CFO

‘Cassandra guides us to understand the protective parts of ourselves, peel back our leadership armour and honour our core selves.’

NICK ELLEM, LEADERSHIP STRATEGY MANAGER, TRANSPORT FOR NSW

‘What a relief to discover that good leadership flows from being myself, not trying to change myself.’

KELLIE KING, CEO, WOMEN IN TECHNOLOGY AWARD WINNER 2022

‘If every leader read Being True and learned to take better care of their different parts, we'd totally transform the world of work.’

MELISSA BUCKINGHAM, PEOPLE EXPERIENCE DESIGNER