A Tribute to the Women Who Shaped Me

When I think back on my life and the women who made me the person I am today, I feel an immense gratitude for my mother and sister for serving as role models for me my entire life. That said, the experience of being a parent of two has shaped me considerably, and my daughter (my oldest child) is an undeniable part of that. In tribute and with gratitude for their support and guidance in my life, I’d like to share my thoughts about the lessons these strong women have imparted to me over the years, though they may not even be aware of it.

Bravery

My fondest memories of my childhood consist of summers at my childhood home with my brother, sister, and neighborhood friends. We spent most days drinking out of our garden hose, walking barefoot on decomposed granite paths, and jumping on a trampoline (later to sleep on said trampoline). We subsisted on cherries and plums off our trees and strawberries out of the patch grown and tended by my mother. Apart from her green thumb and the value she has always placed on being outside and being active, my mother encouraged my siblings and me to chase our dreams, no matter how big or impossible they may have seemed.

The definition of bravery is to be afraid of doing something and making the choice to do it anyway. My mother embodies the spirit of bravery more than any other person I know, and was intentional as a parent to share her sense of bravery with her children. Other than being brave in her own right in the way she has faced challenges and obstacles in her life, my mother has never been afraid to try new things and has instilled in me a spirit of adventure for which I am eternally grateful.

My mother’s bravery and love of adventure manifested in my life in a couple of ways: first was the desire to explore new places with my siblings and me without an agenda, and to figure things out as we went along. If we were going on a family trip, it never mattered if the hotel was rundown, if there weren’t enough beds for everybody, or if we got caught in a monsoon (true story). In those situations there were four things of which she was always certain: all we needed was each other, everything would work out, we'd have a great laugh, and we would be ok (we always did, and we always were).

Another way my mother taught me to be brave was in the way she encouraged me to dream big, put myself out there, and never back down from a challenge. She taught me that the worst thing that might happen from trying something new was rejection or failure, but so what? She instilled in me the idea that regret doesn’t come from trying and failing, it comes from being too afraid to try in the first place. Whether it was dance lessons, singing in a rock band, trying out for the track team, or auditioning for the school musical, her answer was always the same: “Go for it!”.

Respect

When it comes to my sister, I don’t think anyone could accuse her of marching to anything but the beat of her own drum. While somewhat soft spoken as a child, my sister has consistently chosen to live authentically, has taken the road less traveled, and has always managed to land on her feet. She is unapologetically herself, loves her friends and family fiercely, and (incidentally) is also the person who taught me to say please and thank you as a child. I have specific memories of her prompting me to express my gratitude throughout the day, over, and over, and over again.

In terms of teaching me about respect, here's some context: I am the youngest child of three (my brother is the oldest and my sister is in the middle). As an adult entering mid-life, I am now fully prepared to admit that when it comes to annoying little sisters, I was the worst. I always wanted the spotlight, I interrupted others when they were speaking, and embodied every negative stereotype of the baby of the family. I have specific memories of my parents throwing out math problems in the car for my sister, and blurting out the answer until I was ordered to be quiet. My sister was the peacemaker in our family who was always forced to sit in between my brother and me in the car, but she did not tolerate my impulsivity. Instead, my sister demanded my respect, and taught me how to listen first and consider other people’s opinions. To this day, while I'm far from perfect on this front, interrupting others is something I abhor. I owe my sense of respect for others to my sister who taught me to listen first, and who forced me to accept (at a young age) that I did not—in fact—sit at the center of the universe.

Perspective

My daughter is my first-born child. Her arrival marked the moment that I became a mother, which has shaped me dramatically. The importance of making the most of our time with our children while they’re young has a way of putting everything else in perspective. It has taught me that I want to work to live, not live to work.

Now that my daughter is in high school, I have been privileged to see her expand beyond her programming (so to speak). She has her own ideas about the world, she knows her own mind, and is not afraid to stand up for what she believes is right. She is smart, confident, and kind, and I am intensely proud of the person she is becoming.

One thing in particular that impresses me about my daughter is that she is not afraid of hard work. She has faced challenges in her life in athletics, academics, and otherwise that have revealed her true nature and grit. Case in point: my daughter once spent her summer vacation studying math because she knew she wanted to jump from “regular” 6th grade math to advanced 7th grade math the following year. Because she had goals. She has applied that same work ethic to taking advanced classes in high school, playing competitive soccer, and becoming a very competent youth soccer referee. All that said, my daughter has shown me how to maintain grace under pressure. Even though she works hard, she also takes advantage of opportunities to relax and have fun when they present themselves. While I tend to lean toward extremes that would have me prioritize work and sleep above all else, my daughter makes time to volunteer, spend time with friends, and take care of herself while keeping all her other plates spinning.

While the full list of people who have helped shape me in my life is long, the generations of strong women from which I have directly benefitted inspire and motivate me to be better every single day. I am eternally grateful for their example and strive to live my life in a way that exemplifies the values of bravery, respect, and perspective that they taught me. I also have the privilege of seeing that generational strength manifest in my children, who I expect will, in turn, pass it on to others.

After taking the time to reflect on the women in my life who have made me the person I am today, my advice to you is this: consider the person (or people) in your life that have shaped you personally or professionally, and take the time to write them a note or tell them in person how much they mean to you. Do it today. Nothing in life is guaranteed, and following through on this task will not only make the object of your gratitude feel good, but it will also foster a sense of gratitude in you that will help keep your priorities in perspective.