A Tribute to the Two Women Who Have Shaped My Life More than Any Others

This International Women’s Day I want to express my thanks and pay tribute to the two women who have shaped my life the most: my mum and my wife.

I was born in 1962, a time when attitudes toward women were parochial at best and more often were rather more sinister and misogynistic. I was the youngest of 4 kids (2 boys and 2 girls) and my mum was having none of the traditional attitudes to gender. In her eyes boys and girls were the same and equal.

When I was seven years old, I told my mum I really loved chocolate chip cookies and wanted more. Her response? ‘Let me teach you how to bake chocolate chip cookies.’ Baking quickly developed into cooking, and by the time I was twelve, I was making dinner for the whole family at least once a week.

At the age of fifteen, when I met my first girlfriend, I told my mum I thought I looked much smarter wearing shirts that had been ironed. ‘Simple,’ she said. ‘I’ll teach you how to iron shirts.’

In an age when baking, cooking and ironing were considered ‘women’s jobs’, I am truly grateful my mum did not subscribe to such constraints. Learning about gender equality as a child was powerful and I’m grateful to my mum (who passed away a couple of years ago at the age of ninety-four) for teaching this in a way that was gentle, clear and unequivocal.

My wife and I met when we were seventeen and this year we will celebrate 45 years together and our 42nd wedding anniversary. Her impact on my adult life has been as significant as my mum’s was on my early years as a child. Of everything I have learned from her, the two most impactful things were humility and empathy.

Humility never came easy, growing up as the youngest of 4 in a loud family. My wife has helped me learn to be humble (most of the time). I used to think it meant being servile or withdrawn. It’s much deeper and nothing like that. Humility has taught me to connect better with others and to focus on a relationship rather than on myself.

My wife is an empath. Her ability to walk into a room and sense how others are feeling still blows me away. Over our nearly 45 years together, she has taught me to be much more aware of myself and of others. I try to focus on others and ask questions (most of the time). Empathy has helped me to focus on the needs of another person and to build a relationship with them.

Although she is no longer on this mortal coil, I still feel my mum’s influence on my life. My wife and I remain as close as we have always been over 45 years together. I am deeply grateful to these two wonderful women, and I love them with all my heart.

What women have had an impact on your life?

As always, looking forward to reading your thoughts and questions in the comments.?

With love and gratitude,

David