Tribute to Dad: 16 Years On...

?Alfred Usiola Akinlami passed away on Sunday, February 1, 2009, after a protracted illness. The news of his death reached me just as I returned to Lagos from my mother’s burial ceremony, which had taken place on Friday, January 30, 2009, in our hometown of Ondo.

My father faced many trials in life. At one point, he was struck by a strange illness, but he fought his way to recovery, never losing hope. It was after this recovery that he secured a job as a white-collar officer with the now-defunct National Bank. He married my mother when he was 41 and she was 28. Shortly after their marriage, the National Bank transferred my father to its Ado Ekiti branch.

He was barely educated beyond the elementary level, but he was exceptionally industrious and hardworking. I believe I inherited the virtue of hard work from my father.

What my father lacked in formal education, he more than made up for with native intelligence. I remember how he would be called upon in the office when accounting problems became knotty. My father always came to the rescue. He was an invaluable worker at the bank, earning numerous awards and prizes for his contributions.

He was amiable and related easily with people. His friends affectionately nicknamed him "Social." He was seen as the arrowhead of his extended family, even though he was not the oldest. My father was a liberal soul who generously shared his resources with family members and associates.

My maternal grandmother adored him because he never shirked his responsibilities as a son-in-law. He was always there when my mother’s family needed him. I remember when his half-brother was out of work; my father invited him from Ondo to Ado Ekiti to stay with us and took responsibility for his upkeep during that period.

My father had a Yoruba Bible and led us in morning devotion, though it was not a consistent practice. He did not attend church regularly, but he once enrolled me in the choir of an Anglican Church on Okesha Street, Ado Ekiti. This provided me with an opportunity to socialize with other children outside the school setting. I enjoyed it immensely and learned several songs that remain with me to this day. One of the songs, based on Romans 6:1, asked, "Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?" From this song and many others we sang in the choir, I learned that sin was a reproach.

My father trusted easily; he believed in the inherent goodness of everyone. One day, he engaged in an intense argument with the landlord of our apartment. The subject of the altercation was the rent for the immediate past month. The landlord insisted that my father had not paid, while my father maintained that he had indeed paid but was told to pick up the receipt later. It was the landlord's word against my father's. Unfortunately, my dad was the underdog in this relationship. Faced with the reality that the lord of the land (our ‘landlord’) could wield the big stick and show us the way out of the apartment, my father had to painfully squeeze out a repayment from our already lean family purse.

Did I believe my father? Yes, I did. He had a practice of setting aside our rent money as soon as he received his salary, and he had an excellent memory. The situation was deeply painful for him. He simply trusted that the landlord would provide the receipt later.

My father frequently spoke in Yoruba proverbs, and I absorbed a great deal from him. Today, it's difficult for me to speak a sentence without invoking the wisdom of elders through these proverbs. He was also very witty with Yoruba folklore, often spicing them up with songs. Occasionally, he would share stories with us, teaching patience, contentment, respect for elders, and many other life lessons that have remained with me to this day. These stories often come in handy as anecdotes when I speak and write.

One remarkable story he told us taught contentment and gratitude. According to my father, a man decided that his situation was irredeemable. He was poor, and the only asset he had was a cup of beans. He decided he was going to commit suicide. On the eve of his suicide mission, he prepared two wraps of moi-moi. He ate one wrap for dinner and saved the other for breakfast. Arriving at the scene of his intended suicide, he climbed a tree, prepared a noose, unwrapped the last wrap of moi-moi, and threw away the leaf. Something strange caught his attention—he saw a man chasing after the leaf he had thrown away. The man caught the leaf before it reached the ground and began to lick it profusely. At this point, the man who thought his situation was the worst on earth changed his mind and abandoned his noose.

My father loved music. He was a faithful fan of King Sunny Ade, Chief Ebenezer Fabiyi Obey, Dr. Orlando Owoh, Admiral Dele Abiodun, Idowu Animasahun, Francis Akintade, Haruna Isola, I.K. Dairo (Baba Aladura), Chief Ojo Ojurongbe, and others. He eagerly bought every record they released, treating himself to their insightful and rhythmic tunes on his radiogram, Grundig. The radiogram, a cherished possession, resembled a brown box that housed speakers, a storage space for records, and a player. My father had acquired it before I was born, and it became a central feature of our home.

One song by Chief Ojo Ojurongbe that left a lasting impression on me had lyrics that went: "Do not become conceited because of your attainments, not even when you receive accolades from men. Humble yourself and show respect to all. Know that nothing is new under the sun. To do otherwise is to fight against your own progress." From this song, I learned the profound wisdom of humility.

My father’s love for music went beyond mere enjoyment; it was a source of life lessons and reflections. The music filled our home with rich melodies and wise teachings, providing a soundtrack to our lives and imparting values that have stayed with me. His collection was vast, and each record had a story, a lesson, or a memory attached to it. The sounds of King Sunny Ade's juju music, Chief Ebenezer Obey's philosophical lyrics, and the soulful rhythms of Haruna Isola's apala music filled our home, creating an atmosphere of joy and reflection.

Music was my father's solace and joy, a way to connect with his cultural roots and pass on those connections to us. Through these records, he taught me about the beauty of our heritage and the importance of staying grounded. Each artist brought a unique flavor and message, making our musical journey diverse and enriching.

The radiogram sessions were more than just listening to music; they were moments of bonding and learning. My father's commentary on each song and artist provided deeper insights and connections to our culture and values. These sessions were a classroom of life, where music was the medium, and my father was the teacher.

Through his love for music, my father imparted lessons of humility, respect, and cultural pride. The songs and their messages have remained with me, shaping my perspectives and guiding my actions. His ability to find joy and wisdom in music was a testament to his character and an invaluable gift to me.

I believe my father had a deep thirst for knowledge. He was an avid follower of current affairs, religiously reading his favorite newspapers. The Daily Times topped his list, followed by The Punch, Nigerian Tribune, The Sketch, Observer, Herald, and many others. Every morning, he immersed himself in the news, staying informed about the latest events and developments both locally and globally.

Although he was not directly involved in politics, my father was a staunch believer in Chief Obafemi Awolowo and his Unity Party of Nigeria (UPN). His admiration for Awolowo's vision and policies was unwavering. He often spoke passionately about the importance of education, social justice, and economic empowerment—values that Awolowo championed.

One of my father's steadfast commitments, despite his meager resources, was to provide his six children with the best education possible. He firmly believed that education was the key to a brighter future and a tool for breaking the cycle of poverty. He worked tirelessly to ensure we had access to quality schooling, often making personal sacrifices to cover tuition and other expenses.

However, despite his unwavering dedication, my father was unable to fulfil this promise completely. Financial hardships and poor decisions towards the end of his career led to bankruptcy. The weight of these financial burdens became too much to bear, and he could no longer sustain the educational aspirations he had set for us.

His commitment to our education, though ultimately unfulfilled, left an indelible mark on us. It instilled in us the value of learning and the importance of perseverance, even in the face of adversity. My father's efforts, though not always successful, demonstrated his deep love and hope for our futures.

My father honored his parents with unwavering devotion. He regularly traveled from Ado Ekiti to visit his aged father and mother, often taking us along to see them. He also made frequent visits to our maternal grandmother's house. He never went empty-handed, always bringing tubers of yam and other items he knew the elderly would appreciate.

When my grandfather, Pa David Akinlami, passed away, my father led his siblings in giving their late father a befitting burial. His actions demonstrated his deep respect for family and his commitment to honouring his parents, a legacy that has left a lasting impression on me.

He saved diligently to buy a piece of land and began constructing an eight-room bungalow. However, he was unable to complete the building due to a financial downturn caused by some poor decisions he made towards the end of his retirement from the defunct National Bank of Nigeria.

My father did not excel in the area of parenting. I do not blame him for this; he was a product of the kind of parenting he received from his own parents. He could not give what he did not have. His upbringing, marked by the challenges and limitations of his time, left him ill-equipped to provide the emotional support and guidance that parenting demanded in his times.

However, dear father, you gave your best. You offered the best of what was available to you. Despite the shortcomings, you instilled in me values of hard work, resilience, and a thirst for knowledge. These values have shaped my life and continue to guide me. I am profoundly grateful that through you, I came into this world. The breath you gave me is the foundation of all that I do today and all that I hope to achieve tomorrow.

Thank you, dear father, for bringing me here to bless humanity. Your efforts, though imperfect, have paved the way for my journey and have given me the tools to strive for a better future. Your legacy lives on in the lessons I carry with me and in the impact I hope to make in the world.