celebrate Clay - 3

On 17 March 2011, Hari Nair created an opportunity again to meet Clay, when he came for the board meeting of TCS, in Mumbai, India. I have shared about this experience through a Linkedin article in 2014 titled 'A picture with Clayton Christensen'. During that 90 - 120 mins we spent with him, I got a special 20-30 minutes with Clay when Hari went to take a call. This time, I was not talking to a top management thinker. I was talking to a devoted and committed father. The learning was priceless. His story made me a better father.

This post has three stories: 1. Clay's story to his son 2. My story with my father 3. My story with my son.

Story 1 - Clay believed in his son and he didn't let him down: During that 1:1 with Clay, he asked me what my day looked like at work. I acted intelligent, using some borrowed wisdom from my colleagues, and said 'I prioritise between 'important and not-so-urgent tasks' and 'urgent and not-so-important' tasks. Then he asked something very special - 'Do you have kids? Do you tell stories to your kids?'. Now, this is a domain where I consider myself as the best. I said 'Yes. I tell stories and also, sing songs for them while making them sleep'. Clay then elevated his game - 'Vijay, Next time when you share stories with your kids, share your life lessons. It will be very useful to them'. He then shared a story about how his son went on to leave the college basketball team where he was the star player because of a powerful story that Clay shared from his own experience when he was the main player in the Oxford University team. Clay's son was three years old when he told the story but when the moment came for his son to take the decision, it was effortless because his gifted father had planted the right seed so early in life. You can read that special story in detail in Clay's brilliant book 'How will you measure your life?'.

Clay believed in his son and he didn't let him down

Story 2 - My father believed in me and I didn't let him down: On Jan 19, a few days before Clay passed away, I was telling my father about a childhood story where my father strengthened my belief in myself and helped me to aspire for bigger things. It was 1991 and I was in Class X. We were shopping for dresses in my hometown Madurai. We used to stitch our dresses since readymade dresses were not popular at that time. I liked a trouser material that cost almost 10% of my father's monthly salary. It was three times more expensive than the trousers my father used to wear at that time. My mother and even, the sales staff advised my father against it saying 'He will grow up fast. Don't waste money on this'. My father asked me 'What do you think?'. I said 'I want it'. My father got it for me. During dinner that night, my father said 'I like your aspiration to reach the highest in everything. At the same time, you need to realise that it is your father who got this for you. When you grow up, you have to continue this aspiration and reach for the best. At that time, if you settle for the ordinary, I will feel let down'. That was the day when I believed that I can aspire for anything and reach any heights. Clay's email which I shared in Tribute - 1, strengthened and took my belief to new heights.

My father believed in me and I didn't let him down.

Story 3 - I believe in my son and he will not let me down: My son is crazy about phones, especially iPhone 11. I bought myself a personal phone, a brand new iPhone 11 in the first week of January. We had given my son one of our old iPhones and we had allowed him to use it twice every week. After I got the new iPhone, he was getting restless and was constantly asking me whether I want to use his phone and give him the new iPhone. He had most recently lost his 100 CHF scooter and 139 CHF AirPods. He was crying and I told him 'Never worry about losing a thing. we can always buy another one. AirPods cost 139 CHF. You are priceless'. He asked me 'Are you not giving the phone because I lost the scooter and the AirPods?'. I didn't have an answer. I was scared of giving such an expensive phone to a kid. My Indian middle class upbringing was calculating in INR and the price was staggering. My wife and my psychiatrist also advised against giving the phone to him. My wife was saying 'We have very little savings and don't waste money on a phone'. Doesn't it remind of the conversation between my mother and father in the dress shop in Madurai?. I then thought 'Why am I not helping him to aspire? Didn't my father help me?'. I sat with my wife, daughter and son to get their support for giving the iPhone to him. After a marathon 4 hour battle, all of us (including my son) voted in favour of my son getting the new iPhone. It was unanimous and my wife & daughter gave the phone to him. In return, he volunteered to deliver his goals for 2020. But I was definitely concerned about his attachment to the phone and so I told him 'This iPhone is so important for you. There is a chance that you may lose it. If you do, remember that the iPhone is ONLY 800 chf. We can always get another one. YOU are PRICELESS'. Over the last two weeks, his performance has been exceptional in all aspects of his life and there is a new found energy rushing through him. I felt nostalgic about the exchange between my father and myself in the dress shop in Madurai.

I believe in my son & daughter and they will not let me down.

Family is the first and foremost. We can always find another job or create one. Clay blessed me with a storytelling lesson in Mumbai. In the name of professionalism, we are forgetting what is important. Work is a significant subset of our lives but there are other aspects of our lives that need to be harmonised. It is also important to share our stories and build lasting relationships with our colleagues with whom we spend a significant portion of our lives. During my interview with Rabbi David Rosen in Davos in 2016, the Rabbi shared that beliefs shape behaviours and give a sense of belonging. Believe in people.

Everything starts with a belief, and a story.

Clay made me a better father.

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Appendix

To read the whole journey, please read in the order below

1. What I learnt from my MBA?
2. celebrate Clayton Christensen - 1
3. celebrate Clay Christensen - 2
4. celebrate CLAY - 4 | LinkedIn