A Triathlon Race Story (Episode 2): The Things We Say To Ourselves

Chapter 1: Nerves and Excitement

Excitement and nerves were beginning to bubble up inside Kieran at the prospect of the upcoming race in 2 days time. The race was a sprint triathlon, with it's swim, bike and run. He'd felt like this same tentative excitement 7 weeks before, but after getting a DNF (did not finish) for a bike puncture on a borrowed bike, he was perhaps a little more nervous. The lack of his own bike was the result of an accident several months prior.

There were a few differences this time though, the main being that Kieran had a bike, his own bike. It was fitted to him, he'd been training on it and was used to it. He'd checked it, double checked it and triple checked it to make sure it was ready for the upcoming race.

Despite this, there was still that niggly feeling in the back of his mind wondering if anything would get in the way of him finishing this race.

In triathlon training races are often referred to as A, B or C races. A races are the key races you build towards looking for everything to go right and to be at your absolute best hitting peak fitness perfectly before the race. B races are races where a good result is desired, but there are other factors that are considered important too (such as practicing on a new bike). And C races don't matter at all, they are just a practice or training race.

For Kieran, the events from 7 weeks prior had turned this from a C race into a B race and he had been forced to book another A race 5 weeks after also in order to achieve his goal of re-qualifying for the Great British Age Group Team.

Knowing he wouldn't get much sleep the night before the race and after confirming he had everything required for the following days travel, Kieran settled into bed getting a crucial nights sleep. With nerves still high Kieran reaffirmed in his mind the mantra for this race: "get used to the bike, practice transition, test my body, finish."

The following day involved a day at work until 3.30pm and then jumping in the car to drive the seven hour journey from Newcastle to Windsor. This went relatively pain free, other than a few long and slow 50 mile per hour stretches and a few traffic jams.

He arrived at his Airbnb, around 10.30pm laid out all the plethora of equipment required for the next morning, checked everything was in order, ate some last minute nutrition and headed to bed. Sleep didn't come easy and the mantra didn't help ease the nerves, so Kieran visualised his race day plan, thought about how it would feel, accepted the pain that was to come and how he would push through. And eventually, he fell off to sleep. With so much excitement and nerves it's always difficult to sleep before a race, so when Kieran woke up just before 6am, he'd had less than 5 hours sleep. In this sleepy state, Kieran picked up his phone, opened his notes, and step by step completed the list of tasks he'd set as his pre-race preparation. Everything was packed into the car and Kieran arrived fifteen minutes later at the race venue; Dorney Lake - a stunning pond previously used as a venue for Olympic rowing events.

Chapter 2: Race Day

As Kieran collected his kit from the car ready to head to registration, the heavens opened and rain poured. Kieran's mind went back to a study from his Sports Science degree that studied two groups of elite swimmers, one that simple raced and another that were told to act how they thought an athlete would act if they were the best in the world. The study showed, that those who 'faked' in their mind being an athlete performed better than those who just turned up and raced. So armed with this information, Kieran went into 'athlete mode', from body posture, to tone of voice, to the stillness in his mind, he optimised confidence. And he held onto this mindset.

Registration, transition set up and then getting ready to begin the swim happened smoothly.. with Kieran thankful as he left transition that this time the tyres on his bike were pumped up and ready to race.

A quick race brief occurred and Kieran entered the water. It was warm and pleasant, very different to the shock he'd incurred at the sea swim seven weeks before. He put his head in the water and looked below the surface, the water quality surprisingly good and allowing Kieran to see the various plants growing from the Lake floor. He completed a brief warm up, then got into position ready to race. This was a 'wave' start, with around 60 individuals treading water along an imaginary line between the pontoon and a large orange buoy.

Swimming was Kieran's weakest discipline, so he'd set himself a plan to find someone to sit behind for the race to take advantage of the drafting benefit, work hard for 200m and then settle it down to a pace that can be held for the rest of the swim.

Then he heard the announcer...

"30 seconds..."

"10 seconds..."

"GO..." A foghorn was sounded and a mass of bodies and limbs set off along the U shaped swim course. Kieran found himself kicked, punched and collided with as he jockeyed for space amongst the crowded water. But he'd prepared himself for this, he focused on his breathing to relax himself and then focused on his technique trying to swim well and 'catch' the water with each stroke. It was proving quite difficult, but he was keeping with the crowd and benefiting from the pull of the group. 200m in and he began to settle down, still with what appeared to be a mass of people around him. A swimmer in front and one to each side meant Kieran had to remain in his position unless he wanted to expel a lot of energy to push out of this position, but this wasn't an issue at all, at the current pace he would get a lot of benefit from those swimming around him. Everything was going to plan, or so it seemed.

At about 300m, Kieran realised that he had inadvertently been caught in a small group of straggling swimmers who hadn't kept up with the main swim pack. The main swim pack was now about 30m ahead. A fleeting moment of panic crossed Kieran's mind as he realised he was caught in the small group and without exerting an extreme amount of energy he wouldn't be able to catch the larger swim pack up. It's moments like these that are quite important, they can make or break a race plan. Fortunately, this time Kieran had the mental fortitude to say to himself the mantra "get used to the bike, practice transition, test my body, finish the race".

At this Kieran decided to test whether it was worth setting out on his own around the pack, he pushed for about 50m but realised he was swimming at the same speed as the groups leader and therefore it made sense to swim just behind the leader and preserve a little energy for later in the swim.

They passed the first buoy, turned right passed the second and turned right again to head back towards the swim exit. At this point the small group Kieran has been swimming with began to split as differing fitness levels started to show. Kieran stuck close to the front swimmer, swimming just to the left hand side so he could benefit from the draft but also ensure he was swimming in a straight line towards the exit. It was at this point that he felt someone's hands tap his toes, once, twice, a brief pause and then again. This can be really distracting when trying to swim as someone is tap-tapping on your feet. Kieran began to feel frustration bubble as he kicked hard in the water to swim further away and avoid the tapping. Emotions can tire you out nearly as much as the physical exertion, so Kieran knew he had to relax, focusing on his breathing out he tried to settle in to his rhythm again.

Then the toe tapper struck again, this time Kieran reacted quicker, immediately kicking away and focusing on his breathing.

And then he noticed the swim exit was in sight. He began to run through what he was going to do as he got out of the water; fill wet suite with water, hat and goggles off with left hand, wetsuit opened with right. Hat and goggles into right hand and pulled into wetsuit as it's pulled through hand. Run fast to transition to make up time. And then the moment was upon him, he followed the instructions he'd told himself, trying to compose himself whilst running into transition. Wetsuit off, stomp, stomp, stomp (that was the rhythm in Kieran's mind, re-enacting the routine he'd practiced).

Helmet on, clipped, race belt on, bike out and move quickly.

In bare foot, Kieran ran towards the bike mount area, he crossed the line and jumped onto his bike with a flying mount landing his feet on top of his cycling shoes that were already attached to the bike and held in place with elastic bands.

He looked down.

Why did he look down!?

He wobbled momentarily as the bike nearly hit the curb, but he quickly looked up and focused on the direction he needed to go in. A cold wind whistled over his exposed shoulders and arms making him shiver as he set off over a small bridge on the first lap of 4 on the course.

His heart was pounding as he slipped his feet into his shoes trying to keep moving forward as fast as he could on the bike. He focused on ensuring he peddled fast with a high cadence, trying to loosen his hips as he felt heavy and unable to push much power. Wind began to berate his decision to use his road bike over his time trial (TT) bike; the road bike being far less aerodynamic. He turned the dial on his watch to show the power he was pushing on his power pedals and began to push to his desired power, knowing that it wouldn't feel sustainable, but he would settle in. Then suddenly, two competitors flew past Kieran on TT bikes, their aerodynamics clearly having a positive effect on their speed against the wind. Kieran continued to push as he approached the turning point on his first lap, a sharp left hand turn that required good control to turn into the corner.

The homeward stretch of lap one was already here and now the wind was behind the participants. Kieran pushed harder, his body beginning to settle in to a rhythm and his heart beat settle into a sustainable speed...just.

More TT bikes whistled past him as he finished the first lap and heading over the bridge again to begin the second. Then more TT bikes whistled past. Were these from other waves or were these slower swimmers that had caught him up? Was he really going that slow? Could he remember overtaking many other participants himself or was EVERYBODY overtaking him? Kieran's mind started doubting his ability.

"This is my race, not theirs, focus on what's in my control. Is my pace right? Am I working at the right power level? Am I calm? Am I in the most aerodynamic position? Is my cadence right?"

"All good, okay, breathe, now concentrate on these legs, can I get more out of them?"

"This hurts!"

"Will I be able to run hard after this or will I push too much?"

"This is a B race: get used to the bike, practice transition, test my body, finish. Okay let's push harder, see what my body can do on the run"

As Kieran continued to talk to himself, he realised he was on his final lap. He pushed hard until the last 500m where he began to mentally prepare for what he was about to do in transition. Like the swim he visualised every step. Then he slipped his feet out of his shoes, placed them on top and continued to cycle until the end of the bike course.

Moments later he dismounted on the move and ran into transition, racking his bike, removing his helmet and slipping his running shoes on. He set off running out of the transition area and onto the run course.

About 50m into this he suddenly heard his name being screamed "go-on Kieran". The sounds of the cheers lifting his spirits enough to smile and wave.

But what was that?

His right calf muscle pulsed.

Then again. Was this the onset of cramp at the beginning of the run!?

"Breathe." Kieran said to himself. "Focus on running technique, run tall, relax, breathe".

It was a tentative few minutes as Kieran spoke to his body doing everything he could to push back the nagging feeling of cramp and to relax. Fortunately, it worked and he was able to keep going.

Kieran's watch pinged as he past the first kilometre mark, the speed looking a little slow, but not terrible. He continued to run, but started to notice his pace was slowing.

Ping...kilometre two showed on his watch, a very slow kilometre. Frustration settled in. Despite not running with ANY intensity this year, Kieran still expected to run faster than he was running. He took a moment to go through his technique to find the cause: "head up, head back, shoulders back and down, chest up, legs 'cycling' behind, cadence fast, relaxed upper body". Everything was okay.

So he checked external factors: "hill - slight but not enough for that pace. Wind - YES! that's it." On a bike the wind is obvious, but when you run it isn't always felt as much. "hold the pace" he said to himself, despite the urge to push faster at the risk of burning out too quick.

By now, Kieran was at the turn around point marking halfway and was heading back. "Hold this pace, hold technique" he said to himself despite his desire to slow down and ease the pain.

A few minutes later lap 3 pinged on his watch, a better time. He continued to push despite it gradually getting harder. The final 2km are always the hardest, so he asked himself a simple question "will you finish hard", to which he responded "yes, because that's the type of person I am". A psychological trick to commit himself to finishing the race strong.

Ping...1 kilometre to go. Around 4 minutes or less to go. He continued to push hard focusing on technique and relaxing his upper body without lowering the effort level.

His thoughts became a blur now as he stared at the looming finish line, focusing on sustaining the pace he was running at. As he approached the final 100m of the course and heard his coach cheering his name again, he put everything he had in as he sprinted to the finish line.

He leaned onto the railing exhausted and simply said "well done Kieran, great job".

Our mind is always saying things to us. When we push ourselves to the extreme it is potentially easier to hear and comprehend, but it's happening all the time. And it's in those moment that we speak to ourselves that we define who we are. Learning to control those thoughts so that we say positive and helpful things to ourselves is a skill that anyone can do. It simply requires deliberate practice; taking time to be aware and then choosing what to say. The more our actions reinforce what we say to ourselves, the more believable it becomes.