The Triangulation Tactics of Narcissists in Family Court

In the realm of family law, we often encounter complex dynamics that go beyond the legal issues at hand. One such complexity arises when narcissistic individuals manipulate the system and the people within it, creating high-conflict situations. This article aims to shed light on how narcissists can triangulate solicitors, family court officers, social workers, and even the children involved, escalating the conflict and complicating resolution.

Understanding Narcissistic Triangulation

Triangulation is a manipulative tactic where a person, often with a narcissistic personality disorder, creates indirect communication using a third party. The narcissist uses this strategy to gain control and create conflict among the parties involved.? It is also used to defy boundaries put in place by one party by using another person to go around them.? Whilst it will have happened within the family dynamics prior to separation, it is a tactic heavily deployed post-separation to isolate their ex and control the narrative.

The Role of Solicitors and Family Court Officers

Solicitors and family court officers play crucial roles in resolving family disputes. However, they can unwittingly become tools in the narcissist’s game. Narcissists are adept at presenting themselves as the victim, manipulating facts, and using the legal jargon to their advantage. They can create a narrative that positions them favourably, causing solicitors and court officers to unknowingly advocate for their cause.

For example: The court order may state that handover is at a certain time but the narcissistic parent wants to make changes.? The non-narcissistic parent will hold the boundary of the court order and so the narcissist will get their solicitor to write to either the other parent or their solicitor and make claims of the parent holding the boundary being unreasonable and not child focused.? Pressure is therefore placed on the parent who is adhering to the court order to breach it which not only sets a dangerous precedent but also allows for the control to continue.

Social Workers in the Crossfire

Social workers, with their empathetic nature and commitment to welfare, can also fall prey to the narcissist’s tactics. Narcissists can exploit their empathy, painting a picture of themselves as misunderstood or unfairly targeted, thereby gaining the social worker’s sympathy and support.? Sadly this can lead many naive social workers abandoning their principles and training knowledge, to side with, support and often rubber-stamp emotional child abuse.?

For example:? A social worker neglects to include relevant information in their report which would paint the narcissistic parent (whom they have aligned with) in a less positive light and prove they are lying about incidents which are influencing decisions about contact.? In one extreme case, a social worker went so far as to engage in a romantic relationship with the narcissistic parent.? That is career suicide but it is testament to the power of manipulation narcissists wield.

The Impact on Children

Perhaps the most distressing aspect of this triangulation is the impact on the children involved. Narcissists can manipulate their children’s emotions and perceptions to turn them against the other parent, a phenomenon known as parental alienation. This manipulation can have long-term psychological effects on the child.? The child is drafted in to punish the other parent and regain control.? This might involve the narcissist sharing inappropriate information with the children in an attempt to turn them against the other parent or getting the child to pressure the other parent for something which they have already said no to and are holding a boundary for, with the child stating that parent is abusive for not just agreeing to what “they want”. Over time, this dynamic whereby the child demands (on behalf of the narcissist) some special treatment or alteration to the court order and the non-narcissistic parent adheres to the court order and says no, is twisted by the narcissist to portray the other parent as abusive and controlling.? The child will then (at the covert request of the narcissist) begin to use contact to get their demands met and when they aren’t, will state they no longer wish to see that parent and it is all their own fault.? It puts the parent (and child although they are usually unaware of it) in a double bind situation whereby if they give in to the demands, they show the narcissist they are vulnerable to this type of coercive control, and if they hold firm on their boundary, they risk losing contact with their children.

Conclusion

Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic triangulation in family court settings is crucial for all parties involved. It allows solicitors, court officers, social workers, and even the affected family members to recognise the signs of manipulation and take steps to mitigate its impact.

Remember, the goal in any family dispute should be the welfare and best interests of the children involved. Recognising and addressing triangulation tactics can help ensure that this goal remains the focus, even in high-conflict situations.

The sad truth though is that most people who are being triangulated are not aware it is happening and once they have invested in the narrative, they are often reluctant to shift sides.? This can lead to professionals almost doubling down on their animosity towards the non-narcissistic parent and increasing their support of the narcissist.? It can be a frustrating and quite frankly illegal and definitely immoral situation for many parents to find themselves in - not only fighting against a narcissistic ex who has emotionally abused them for years but also professionals who are being used by a highly manipulative and convincing narcissist.

It is therefore essential that if you, or someone you know, is experiencing triangulation in FAmily Court, that they get the right support to help build a strategy to expose the narcissist and these behaviours.? To discuss your case with us, please head to www.getcourtready.co.uk/booking to book a free 20 minute consultation.? You can also invest (just ￡57) in our Get Court Ready programme which is designed to walk you through how to design a strategy against a narcissistic ex.??